|Reviews for The Story of the Windlenot Museum|
| G.N chapter 14 . 3/27/2009
first of all, i'd just like to congratulate you for getting the WOOT! of the year award, for pulling off 78% so far of a shivers fan fiction. secondly, you should definitely do a Shivers II: Harvest Of Souls fan fiction, just do me a favor and don't have the characters whipping around quickly, like how uncontrollable the panning feature was in the game. _ you may want to have the sequence where the walls slide in after the skull puzzles slowed down a bit, to give them a sense that there going to be crushed, only for the trapdoor to open and drop them all down. i personally thought that the talking electric ixupi was very cool, and a great way for you to intro duce the fact that the ixupi are sentient, not just mindless beasts. one question though, how are the three of them going to survive the explosion in the basement? meh, whatever, 10/10 from me, nice job.
| Mike N chapter 6 . 12/28/2005
Okay, since I reached the last chapter posted, I'll give an overall view of the story. I think that you are definitely missing narrative, which is why I comment on some details being missing and parts being rushed. It's almost like a script or maybe a screenplay. The bulk of it is dialog between the three characters. I think if you are able to throw in more narrative, take care of those grammatical errors, and smooth out the dialogue, you could have a really solid story. I think your choice of characters is good and since your using only a few characters, you have a chance to really develop them into great, strong characters. You can really focus on showing the reader their individual personalities, not only through what they say, but how they say it and exposing some of their inner thoughts. This is just some down-and-dirty advice, the same as I would want for my stories. I'll look out for the next chapter posting. Mike N.
| Mike N chapter 5 . 12/28/2005
Rich, it's getting good, but it feels kind of rushed in some places where is should be slow. The way it's divided up is a little msleading too, I just noticed. The different headings should represent the character that is going to be focused on in that section, but all the sections really devote the same attention to all the characters, which defeats the purpose of the headings (just a thought). There's still some stiff and out-of-pace dialogue and some grammatical errors as well. On the flip side, the story is moving along at an overall good pace. I'll be checking out the next chapter.
| Mike N chapter 4 . 12/27/2005
Looking good so far. Like I said in some of my earlier reviews, there's some grammatical errors and still some stiff narration and dialogue. Again, with the puzzles, I think it would be good to have them ponder over it a bit or paint a better picture for the reader as they solve it. I would like to see a little more action or some kind of spice added to the story-it just kind of goes along too smoothly right now. Keep at it though, and as I catch up with all your stories, I'll keep leaving reviews.
| Mike N chapter 3 . 7/13/2005
I like the fact that all three characters are playing an important role in every situation they find themselves in. Some of the dialogue is a bit stiff, but there's good chemistry between the characters. I'll be looking for the next chapter.
| Mike N chapter 2 . 7/13/2005
I'm still liking the premise of the story, even though this chapter seemed a bit rushed. The puzzles were good, but the reader doesn't get a good feel for what the puzzle is or the possible brainstorming that the characters do to solve it. Granted, I'm sure Rich and Carl are good at that sort of thing, but it helps the reader to understand the complexity and make-up of the puzzle if a little more time is spent on it and some kind of description of the result of solving the puzzle.
| Mike N chapter 1 . 7/13/2005
Nice story. I think your writing improved with the final version of the story. I was afraid that you would make Mike really stupid, but I like the way you framed it and the inclusion of several familiar characters. I only noticed a few grammatical things that kind of distract from the story, but it's a good start.