sentences in this chapter are cut in half/ new paragraph before continuing. just a heads up

Marvelous story, read it all in one go, perfectly written and just the right amount of everything, congratulations!

I don't understand why harry isn't more pissed that Dumbledore at least considered the fact that harry would get sick, yet left him to go through it alone until the last possible minute when he would have died from it had he not been helped...

Er if Lily was a muggle born and the blood vomit is based on the muggle blood being purged... wouldn't that mean that Harry somehow had more muggle blood than Lily did? how does that work out seeing as harry is a half blood?

I feel like I know who killed her but I'm not going to say anything because I feel like they are also being controlled or something along those lines so I will wait to find out.

I'm very annoyed over the fact that Pansy thinks it's any of her business. She didn't have to say shit. And if Elemental Veelas are so known why doesn't anyone seem to understand especially the Professors or adults understand that if Harry is that and his mate rejects him he will die? I don't get it. Makes me feel like they aren't as smart like they should be.

Review this Veela!Harry fanfic. I‘m still moved by such a cute story.

Amazing story this is probably the 10th or 11th time I’m reading this no joke. Keep the the great work

There are a lot of issues with this story.
I never comment on stories unless I feel it is good but needs boosting in the right direction. It's a great plot but you should fix some things.

This is just critical help as I like to write as well and thoughtful for my tutors to point things out even if it slightly hut my feelings it made me better of not making mistakes like plot holes or simple things.

ex: Grange is Aussie but yet no one makes her use that dialect, slang terms, or accent they have. Which sucks because it would be heavy with her.

Draco has a french background.
Blaise has an Italian background.
but they go home in summer and travel to summer homes.
Why don't they use the language like normal folks who can speak more than one language? Words sound nicer in other languages so we use them. It makes sense for the three to mutter to themselves in them.

1) POV is so messed up and doesn't make sense. HP shouldn't know certain things the others are doing and YET you wrote it as a 3rd person but gave HP 1st at the same time. It got confusing for awhile

2)Chill on bringing up HP friends so damn much when they are not in the scenes. Sure it's one thing to HP to think of them or compare Draco crew to his friends. However, what you tend to do is rather annoying and highly believe. Draco and his friends will not think of HP's crew like that in the beginning stages. Not sure why you mention them so much when they had nothing to do with the emotions of a scene. (this is before school even started you did it so much.)

3) Yes Draco is HP mate, however, Draco will not magically change within a month's time just because he HP mate. Yes, they had 'talks' of what to expected but actually no plans. Bonds don't do that ever since Draco is not a creature.

4) You must be a Granger fan because you put her on a pedestal stool. Why do you keep highlighting her when she is just a side character to Drarry. If you gonna mention friends then you should do the same to Pansy as she Draco's BFF.

5)When to know to get rid of the filter. This is a common mistake but you do have a lot of it that doesn't need to be. Thus you making more side-plots just to add characters.

ex: why are you waiting so much on HP friends trying to figure out his lie? I can see why with Pansy as she was there for the letter and his recovery. However, we know Potter's friends are overbearing in his life so it could have been a line or two but not devoted paragraphs as it totally does not need it.

The Main love plot, sub-plot of the mystery killer, and side plot of Dark Lord were enough. Then you mixed in the bond, training, everyone growing bit understanding.

Like the afterthoughts of something is a bit annoying.
ex: Snape and this mysterious Rachel. That was 10x more interesting than HP friends trying to butt into his life.

However, it was sprinkled in up to this point that I tend to forget it and other things that were mentioned in the beginning.

6) Way too many side-plots and sub-plots going on. Plus you give almost every character their own POV which is not neesacry. You should totally reduce it. Drarry should have their own 1st POV. Everyone is should be switch to 3rd POV. EX idea for 3rd limited POV is Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.

I say this because ppl clicked for Drarry so give them 1st POV. However, it does not mean they like other characters in the series. The audience will not stick around for xx pages reading lines on a character they don’t enjoy. It's a quick turn-off and makes a lot of people skip to the MCs. Thus you add hidden clues among other POVs making some miss it because they skipped.

a slight error.. of his invisibility cloak was under the floor then how did he use it at Hogwarts?

Thanks!

This sure is surprising. The possible next gen baby death eaters not joining Voldy?

This was a nice small story. It’s good there is a sequel, but I personally like this ending and am gonna leave it at that.

Love it! This is my fist Neville is with Voldemort fic. You did a great job of hiding him while giving clues that you didn't get till it's revealed who they are. Can't wait to read the sequel when I get a chance.

Why is Harry so forgiving? All the years of abuse, black’s imprisonment, the childhood he was robbed of, and the one fact that DUMBLEDOOR HAD DO RIGHT TO FREAKING DECIDE WHERE A MAGICAL CHILD WILL BE GIVEN TO! DUMBLEDOOR PLACED A BABY ON A DOORSTEP IN A NOVEMBER NIGHT! DUMBLEDOOR-THE SAME MAN WHO AGAIN HAD NO RIGHT TO REFUSE A CHILD THE RIGHT TO READ THEIR PARENTS WILLS! HE LIED AND LIED AGAIN AND AGAIN! HARRY NEVER SAW HIS PARENTS GRAVES! DUMBLEDOOR HID HIS HERITAGE (the Veela) FROM HIM-AGAIN HAVING NO RIGHT TO DO SO. HIS ACTIONS WERE ILLEGAL! DUMBLEDOOR’S CHOICES (Which again were not his to make!) KILLED SIRIUS. Not once. Not twice. But three times! Not to mention that PANSY and the rest of the slytherins HAVE NO RIGHT to stick there noses in Harry’s business. Especially with how they treated him when ‘spyingand how could an adult trust a child to spy on their cause? Again, you’d think that’s a bit far fetched.) Draco-calling Harry arrogant (the comment about big headed) even after hearing his father’s comments AND what Harry said, would click. Also, Snape? Dude. He saw what Harry has been through and you would think he would be able to relate. I mean, I don’t know, because Snape was abused?! Also, let’s point out again Harry’s point about the Dursley’s. I would like to bring up the subject about Remus. Dumbledoor saying “it would be safe for Harry if you stayed away” wouldn’t no SHOULDNT have had such sway on him. That boy was Remus’ last link to his good friends. You would think he would have written to the kid. Checked up on him. (WHICH IS WHAT DUMBLEDOOR SHOULD HAVE DONE!) and so far, you haven’t even written about how Sirius came back from the dead. Harry should have been angry-no furious at Remus but more so Dumbledoor and Snape. I mean, Snape, a what? Thirty five years old? A professor that treats his students like crap (mainly gryffindors) and probably inadvertently prevented many students from pursuing potions because of Snape’s treatment-and not have any repercussions of it? How the teachers ALLOWED THIS! And ALLOWED a GROWN MAN to TORMENT A CHILD! CALLING HIS FATHER SICH FILTH! It’s sickening. Look, the dude had it rough as a kid. But did Snape truly grow up? How much hatred Snape held for the Marauders- even after all those years CANNOT be normal. Honest to god sickening. And did Snape ever think that this ‘Rachel’, his wife, would have been okay with his behavior? Lets also bring out the fact that the teachers, all of them, time and time again, let Harry down by letting the student population to treat him like that. Now, let’s go back to Dumbledoor. WHY WOULD HARRY FREAKING TRUST HIM SO QUICK! HOW WOULD HARRY LOOK AT DUMBLEDOOR FOR GUIDANCE AFTER THERE LITTLE SPAT?! Not only that but Dumbledoor promised to be honest from now on. Why didn’t he tell Harry who told the prophesy to Voldemort? And how can you truly believe that Dumbledoor is not a bad man? Yes, it’s all for the greater good. Harry being abused is for the greater good. Not checking up on Harry and trusting magical hating muggles, which he fully knew they were because he was supposedly close to Lily (and wouldn’t allow Harry to stay at hogwarts, the supposed most secured place in England for the rest of the summer-AGAIN IT IS NOT IN HIS PLACE TO SAY! HE IS THE HEADMASTER AND THEREFORE HAS NO RIGHT TO SAY WHETHER A CHILD COULD STAY AT THIS RESIDENCE OR NOT! If say, someone expected abuse then the wizarding child services would intervene NOT THE HEADMASTER!) Dumbledoor has done many terrible things. Illegal things. And more. But! I do give you credit for not only writing a fanfiction but having the courage to put it out there for people to read. Honestly, I can’t say I would have the motivation to even finish one, so you have my respect. All that I said before, was pointing out major plot holes (and um odd actions of character? I don’t know how to put that into a sentence, apologies). This is not a flame, and if it has come across as one that wasn’t my intentions (sorry. I get really um passionate in my opinion xd). I was just saying that some of your characters actions and reactions are just not realistic. But! If you were going to non, then good job! (That was an honest compliment not a sarcastic one, again, it’s hard to express feelings through text sometimes). I would also like to say the JK Rowling had also missed lots of the realism too (in reaction aspect). Before this chapter (okay mainly the first few chapters) were amazing! The character reactions were spot on! But I think Harry would be a bit more um angry at the headmaster for not only hiding his Veela heritage (again dude, you can’t trust someone who does that and again, headmaster had no right) but giving Harry a huge scare. I mean, if I was vomiting up blood, and all that I would be wigging out. This is my honest review, and I said this without any malicious intentions. I again, give you points for starting and completing a fanfiction (it’s always hard to do so) not only that but posting it. Very Gryffindor of you! (I meant you being courageous hehe). I also would like to say your creativity is honestly something that I long for, and that is a trait to be proud of. I will not be continuing this fanfiction (sorry I get angry on main character’s behalf bc they should be angry), but, I would like to thank you for this chance to read it. I hope you are safe and well! ~Lulu