|Reviews for Katie's Choice|
| yumi2482 chapter 19 . 9/12/2008
| WolfGirl75 chapter 19 . 9/10/2008
that was so cool. cant wait for more. update soon.
| Elizabeth Annette chapter 18 . 7/29/2008
Wonderful story! Please update soon! I'm looking forward towards Christmas!
| ghostly-writer chapter 1 . 4/25/2008
The concept of this fic is interesting, but I strongly advise you to get a Beta. Congratulations for getting an A in English, but I'm surprised your English teacher/s haven't picked up on key problems with your grammar. This isn't a flame, this is constructive criticism so that your writing can improve.
For example, taking the first few lines in your first chapter:
'A young girl with long dark hair and dark eyes was making her way down the corridor of the train to find a place to sit. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was going and accidentally bumped into a guy.
"Oh, It’s you. Would you mind getting out of my way, Draco?" She said.
"Katie, Your Uncle, wants me to look after you to make sure you don’t mix with the wrong people." Draco replied.'
Your use of full stops, capital letters and lack of commas needs to be improved - for instance, there should be a comma instead of the full stop after 'people." Draco replied.' as it should be a complete sentence. As a basic guide, a full stop marks the end of a sentence, and each sentence must be able to make sense standing alone. 'Draco replied.' by itself makes no sense.
Further, the 'she' in 'She said' shouldn't have a capital letter, nor does the 'your' in 'Your Uncle.'
A beta would be able to pick up all these errors for you, as well as be a sounding board to bounce ideas off, so they really are a good investment. One site where good, certifiable betas can be found is at Perfect Imagination. Just google it and it should come up.
As another piece of advice, I'd suggest that you add more detail and description. I've only read the first chapter so far, so my apologies if someone has already mentioned this to you and you've adapted your writing style (in which case it would be a good idea to go back and edit the first few chapters) but I've noticed that there seems to be little description.
For example, when Katie bumps into a guy - you tell us he's Draco, but "a guy" is rather basic, and there is no real depth. Why did she bump into him? How did she know he was Draco? How does she know Draco? You're assuming we, the readers know as much as you do about the background to this story. Without knowing, many readers won't be able to relate to this story.
I'm not saying I'm a brilliant writer (far from it) but these are just basic pieces of advice. This isn't a flame, it is constructive criticism so you can improve your writing, as all writers aim to do.
As I said initially, the concept is an interesting one. I shall read the rest of this story later tonight when I have time. Continue writing, but please take into account my advice. :)
| maraudersbanana chapter 9 . 3/23/2008
okay, first of all, the animal that Oedipus defeats is a sphinx, not a griffin.
second of all, i really like your story
| Mikee chapter 17 . 6/14/2007
See - I told you I'd go read some of your stories.
Normally I HATE original characters, but so far yours are interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned next. I do hope you will continue.
| eurogirl14 chapter 17 . 4/23/2007
| eurogirl14 chapter 9 . 4/23/2007
lets see, james 'distant cousin' is either snape or malfoy, right? and pomfreys assisstant is related to harry, right?
| barbarataku chapter 13 . 11/29/2006
AH. Romance is always good.
| boohoowoo chapter 16 . 9/18/2006
That one made me cry so much, what Harry said! Well one good thing the chapter worked very well and I am glad you chose it to be like this... So who is Harry going to end up with? He is kind of related to Katie .. I'm still loving this as I did when you first showed it me. Keep on writing sis.
Love you sis,
| Gaurdian9641 chapter 16 . 9/18/2006
very good story keep it up
| me chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
Just to let you know you've misfilled this fic. It's currently under Harry / Severus. If you correct it to Harry / Other, you'll have more luck attracting readers who might be interested in reading this kind of story.
| yaeko chapter 15 . 7/4/2006
soo harry's related to almost everyone right? lol... well update soon1! n whens severus going to tell him?
| boohoowoo chapter 15 . 7/3/2006
... Thanks to your lil self? remember sis i'm foxfire, your starfire lol -' Great chapter and yay for dedicating it to me... *hugs you tight*
| Jerry chapter 12 . 7/2/2006
Every single person in this story is acting out of character as set by the books! One or two people acting different is one thing but when all of them do it's a bad idea.