|Reviews for Dracula and Lara|
| Addicted chapter 36 . 5/22/2007
To follow up on my epic review for ch. 37, and to concur with some of the other reviewers here, you need to let Lara grow up not just for plot/character reasons but also to get rid of the gross-out factor. Sure she's mature for her age, but she's 14 and he's an adult twice her age at least in mortal years and about 30 times older than she is in immortal ones. He may be a sexy mo-fo, but it's still a bit weird/inappropriate.
And, if/when they meet again, he need to see that the colors in her face have changed and that her soul is older, maybe even wiser. You're a nuanced and sophisticated enough writer and storyteller to get what I mean. Good luck! I need more!
| Addicted chapter 37 . 5/22/2007
This is LONG, but I hope it's helpful:
Wow, I must admit I usually find fan-fiction to be mindless fluff that helps put me to sleep, but this is some good stuff! (And, for what it’s worth, I’m 4 years into a Ph.D. program.) You’ve got me hooked! I like that you’re establishing patterns of behavior with Dracula—i.e. the three games of hide and seek and connecting it to the thrill of the hunt, which connects it to his essential vampire nature. When a story is so long consistency and motifs like these are key. And I like that you’ve made all of the characters and all of their relationships to one another vivid, complicated, and multi-dimensional.
My two main criticisms would be 1) the story can drag/repeat at times—how much more do they need to make out before the plot advances, sexy as Mr. D. is, etc. and 2) Our bloodsucker is starting to lose his mojo—I love that he’s starting to grow a conscience and feel guilty for being such a douche, but he’s also starting to lose some of his charm and pull as he becomes more passive, devoted, and fawning and less masterful, demanding, and dark. Along similar lines, Lara needs to do some growing up. She’s conformed pretty well to the standard “waif” character in traditional romance (think Beauty and the Beast, The Flame and the Flower (Kathleen Woodiwiss)), but now that it’s become clear that Dracula is slowly slipping back into his old ways, getting angry and violent her and getting freaky with his brides, she needs to stop believing/hoping he can change—until he proves that he has. Another, small, nitpicky thing: you might want to find other things for him to call her, other than just “Lara.” “My dear” is good, but I think you can add a few more. I don’t know if you want to go back and revise your text, but some thoughts (especially when he’s being a jerk/selfish/etc. in the beginning, but really always): “pet,” “my pet,” “my love” (“I’m so sorry, my love “has a certain ring to it), “beloved,” etc.
Anyway: as you (I hope!) turn towards finishing up what has really been an enjoyable read, here are the major loose ends you need to tie up:
1. The Brides
-D is about to get BUSTED, how much longer can he keep up this double life?
-the brides need, in short, to GO if the story will end happily
-ditto Matana, who could (perhaps?) meet an end similar to that of Claudia in Interview with the Vampire, although probably not at Dracula’s hand. That’d be a little extreme, unless she really did something to deserve it. Maybe one of the brides should do it. Maybe they should all die? Hmm. Tricky.
2. Lara needs to grow up/older. Your discussion of how she isn’t ready to sleep with the dashing Mr. D because of her age, while a bit modern/out of place, is accurate. She’s not ready for that kind of a relationship and she’s not ready to understand what love or vampirism really mean. This could be hard to accomplish, see my notes below.
3. Lara needs to finally sleep with Dracula. there’s been too much build-up to that point.
4. Lara is still human, if we follow your story’s inevitable conclusion, she needs to become a vampire
5. What about Lara’s family/village/Jacob? I know they think she’s dead, although Jacob saw her in the woods, but you need to definitively sever those ties so that she KNOWS she can't go back.
So, here are some suggestions:
Dracula needs to be taken away from Lara (and vice versa) for several years, during which she will age and gain more maturity. She needs to understand what love and immortality/giving up her old life really mean, and I don’t think she can do this right now. She needs to become a sorrowful young woman rather than a petulant teenager. I’m not saying she needs to be a suicidal wreck, she will, of course, be happy at the end, but she needs to be something of a shadow of her herself, and *alone*. I don’t’ think she should go back home—they think she’s dead, it would be too complicated—but she needs to wander. I’m thinking a less over-the-top version of Arwen in Lord of the Rings wandering through the woods, veiled, after Aragorn dies in her dream. Keep this part short though.
You might consider having her successfully escape after busting D and Marishka, perhaps aided by the brides and/or Matana. He can’t come after her. He needs to be too wracked with guilt and too drugged by the affections of his brides. He’s already started to turn away from her, this needs to continue for a bit. I’m thinking of the bit in Jane Eyre when Jane runs from Thornfield after discovering that Mr. Rochester is married to Bertha. Dracula should turn again to his brides to numb his pain, but then find that he is repulsed by them. Here, I should note that you need to work on making the reader dislike the brides again, we’re (I’m) beginning to sympathize, especially with Verona. Along these lines, Dracula is becoming a bit to youthful and whipped, although his slipping back into a more sinister character is promising. Remember who he, as a character and as a vampire, is: he is masterful and commanding, he’s seductive, magnetic, and powerful, even as he has the capacity for tenderness, love, and devotion. He’s still a killer, and he still always gets what he wants. Think along the lines of Mickey Knox (Woody Harrelson) in Natural Born Killers. This guy is pure charisma.
Back to Miss L. She, like I said, needs to wander for a few years, during which Dracula will dispose of his brides and become totally brutal, withdrawn, and insular. Maybe have someone else (mortal) fall in love with her, I don’t’ know. Anyway, she needs to somehow find her way back to her village and see, from a distance, through windows, that life has gone on without her. Jacob has a new sweetheart, Toby has grown up some, they are happy, and she is just a memory. Jacob should see/think he sees her again. She should start to feel sometimes like something (we know who!) is watching her. Perhaps, one day, out of aimlessness, boredom, who knows what, she finds her way back to the gates of Castle Frankenstein. He should be there, still impeccably dressed, irresistibly handsome—no physical wrecks-but empty and cruel, yet vulnerable. I’m almost picturing the scene in Interview with the Vampire when Louis finds Lestat in the house and Lestat asks “so, you’ve come back to me?” Louis sadly shakes his head. It should take a while for her to trust him again, even though she loves him. She should be a bit cold, definitely reserved. He should be calculating, charming, but earnest in his courtship, for what it counts. It will take a while. I’m sure you can figure the rest out. I think the key here will be to show the change in their relationship, it should be more mature, although no less passionate and devoted. She needs to re-draw him out of his dark shell and he needs to prove to her that he’s the only family and life she’s got now, that he’s her home and that she has no other. Like I said, I’m sure you can do a great job fleshing this out.
I have an idea that at this point, Lara should be something of a ghost story in the village, with various sightings having been made (by Jacob mainly) throughout the story. At the end, when she’s (if this is where you’re going with this) a vampire and has become Dracula’s bride, she needs to fly back down to the village and watch Jacob through a window as he, perhaps, gets married, is married, has a kid, or something. He needs to think he sees her perched outside his window but, when he turns, there is only empty air.
So, sorry for the long-ass review, and for the myriad suggestions, but I really do think you have a good story here and I’m dying to read the rest. Continue! Soon! Please! :)
| kloper70 chapter 37 . 5/11/2007
Please update! I read the entire thing, and now I'm hooked!
One reason I like it is because my name is Laura, which is so similar so Lara. It is very easy to put myself in her place. I am very, very, excited for what is to come next.
| INVALID-Account08 chapter 37 . 4/28/2007
I love how he is supposed to be busted!
| Coraline's3 chapter 1 . 4/22/2007
| anon chapter 37 . 4/19/2007
COOL! Please review, can't wait to see what Lara does!
| Angel of Beauty chapter 37 . 4/5/2007
Awesome work, dear!
| Kairi's-twin chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
OHH Dracula's in TROUOUBLE!lol. Lara is not going to be happy when she finds him. poor Dracula though he wants to be faithful but he is addicted to his brides. man Drac and Lara's relationship is so messed up... I hope that they can sort it out. I Can't wait for the next Chapter PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
| Ron's Sweetie chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
Great new chapter update soon.
| eternally bound chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
OMG! I love it. please please add more soon.
| CCQueen chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
All this waiting...all this time of waiting for your infrequent updates...and this is all we get? Barely two pages?
wow...I'll admit, i' extremely disappointed...yes, it is well written, but your updates are so few and far between that i have to go back a few chapters EVERY time you update just to remember where the hell i was!
And it is really getting annoying...so much so that i don't think i want to read this anymore...its just...dragging on...
Some advice...if you are going to take years and a day to update, make them longer. This is not a flame...not by a long shot...yes, it is harsh, but sometime author's need to stop being babied by their reviewers and get the non-sugar coated facts...I mean, really...we're all adults here, right? At least, i HOPE so...
| Love Is Always Binding chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
Great update! U are such a good writer its amazing what u seem to come up with next. Ur plot is amazing as well. Keep up the great work
| Lady Lithoniel chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
OMG what's going to happen! Great story, very nice plot line, I love how Lara didn't throw herself at the Count but instead tried resisting very interesting! Lol and I love how you portrayed Dracula, and you're right he is a sex addict. *glances nervously at said vampire* Keep your eyes in your head! This is why you always get in trouble!
Dracula: sorry I can't help it if you're beautiful
Lady: Nice try, but I know every trick in your book, besides ofr the umpteenth time I'm taken! Don't you already have a certain "someone" anyways?
Lady: That's what I though, anyways keep the good work coming!
| Valeska Vampire Queen chapter 37 . 4/4/2007
yay! u updated, this story rocks! plzplzplzplpzlz more soon?
| El chapter 36 . 3/19/2007
When do you think the next chapter will be up? I understand if you are swamped with stuff, I know I have. Keep up the great story, it really keeps you on the edge of your seat!