|Reviews for Journey into Mystery 3|
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 10/29/2007
Some time ago, I reviewed your first tale of Lady Thor and said I intended to read the others in the near future - within the next week or so, I think I said. Which I did, as a matter of fact . . . but I didn't take the time to write any more reviews as I went along; I just zipped right through the stories for my own entertainment.
Tonight I decided to back up and offer another review on one of the earlier adventures of Lady Thor. One thing you have going for you is that I don't believe I've ever read reprints of the earliest adventures of Don Blake/Thor from the Silver Age in the original "Journey Into Mystery" series. So if you're recycling plots, as adapted to let Jane have the secret identity instead of Don, you've still got the advantage of "freshness" where my perspective is concerned. (For instance, if that was the same way Loki "originally" escaped confinement by having another Asgardian shed a tear, I hadn't heard about it before!)
Anyway, I liked this story. Particularly: toward the end I felt awfully sorry for Jane, with her boss berating her for not being handy to help him help people during the crisis. (His Hippocratic Oath, and all that.) Of course, that sort of embarrassing situation is par for the course for superheroes with secret identities, so Jane's just being confronted with the same problems that Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker, and many another stalwart veteran have had to suffer through. (Although, since I've already looked ahead at your later stories about her before ever starting this review, I know she later ends up sharing her secret with Don a heck of a lot sooner than I originally estimated she would.)
Incidentally, I was surprised that Lady Thor was able to spontaneously use her hammer (and/or inherent magical abilities?) to throw Loki far, far away, without even having a clue where, exactly, she had sent him. I'm not complaining; I just say it came as a surprise that she could do that, while frankly admitting she didn't know what she was doing!
And now for the moment we've all been waiting for! In keeping with my proud tradition of shameless nitpicking . . . here's a short passage that had a few things wrong with it:
* “Yet why didist I feel a chill? There is no enemy present.” She said aloud as she tapped her hammer upon the ground. With a flash the legendary god vanished instead stood the plain unassuming mortal Jane Foster. *
That last sentence in particular seems to be missing a word or two. I'd edit that paragraph thusly:
“Yet why didst I feel a chill? There is no enemy present,” she said aloud as she tapped her hammer upon the ground. With a flash the legendary goddess vanished; in her stead stood the plain unassuming mortal, Jane Foster.
I admit that some of my spur-of-the-moment editing there is largely a matter of taste. I really think you need a comma between "mortal" and "Jane Foster" if "mortal" is being used as a noun here; another way of referring to Jane Foster. On the other hand, "mortal" can also be an adjective, and if it was then you could make a case that you didn't need to separate the adjective from the thing it was describing (Jane) with a comma.
I also changed "god" into "goddess," in part because you call her a "goddess" at least a couple of times in this story . . . but I admit that you could probably make an argument that Lady Thor is a "legendary god" (who's currently in female form) rather than a legendary goddess. After all, the old Scandinavian tales don't talk about a "goddess of thunder," do they?
There are other things in this story that could also stand work; bits of punctuation; places where it seems as if a key word is missing in a sentence - I see you wrote this about two-and-a-half years ago, but I still feel I should point out that going over the material again to polish up some rough spots wouldn't hurt anything!
P.S. On second thought, one other example of a typo. At one point Lady Thor clobbers Loki with a thrown pipe and we get this:
* Loki plummeted through the air, dazed as he tried to think of a spell. He hit the air with a splash and did not surface. *
I'm reasonably certain it wasn't really "air" that he splashed into at that point? This is just a sample of how you could stand to tidy things up a bit! :)
| Zandra8909 chapter 1 . 4/2/2005
It is very interesting update soon