|Reviews for Distortions|
| ryoga-chan's heart chapter 5 . 9/5/2013
Please write more. Story is engaging. Would love to see it finished.
| Zhor chapter 5 . 5/25/2013
I'm not quite sure what's going on in chapter five. It's almost as if you're trying to stuff another story in between the content or something. As for the story in general, I do like it' but you ended it before all the lead-ups could actually go anywhere. From the age, I doubt this will ever be updated' but it was an interesting read regardless.
| LonelyNightz chapter 5 . 7/24/2012
i am really loving this story so far but...um...whats with the cops and the shooting? it's not that i don't like it i'm just wondering how it ties into the story.
| Apollo chapter 5 . 6/18/2012
A well thought of Chapter any chance of adding another chaper soon?
| Apollo chapter 5 . 6/18/2012
A well thought of Chapter any chance of adding another chaper soon?
| BornOnTheBreakOfDawn chapter 5 . 3/7/2012
This is a very interesting story, and the pacing is quite good. Though the murder on the last chapter is kinda mysterious and off, I'd like to read more about it and how it is related to the whole story.
Hopefully you'll get back to writing and completing this.
| Josh chapter 5 . 3/1/2011
Really good story so far any idea when we are gona get the next chapter?
| kick ass story chapter 5 . 3/20/2010
you should finish this ya got me hook on that beast and the corruption of ryoga ki is gonna be like the beast infected ryoga wit some kind of dark chi like akuma and ryu from street fighter but have ryoga more primal and beast like fighting woah getting ahead of myself yer story kick ass you should consider to finish it
| Xoroth chapter 5 . 10/14/2009
Great story, excellently written.
| Lone Warrior2 chapter 5 . 1/24/2009
Hmm... I wonder what all this is about a man who'd been killed. I wasn't expecting OC's when I came into this fan fic. Now there are all kinds of questions in need of answering and no more to read.
I would very much like it if you keep writing this, though I've seen no action with your account since 2006. I certainly hope you'll continue, but I know better than to get my hopes up.
I hope to see more some time in the future.
| Lone Warrior2 chapter 4 . 1/23/2009
Hmm... I wonder where this is going. What is that creature?
I really like how you make Ryoga question himself when he's with the old woman. I wish that would happen to every character in Ranma half. It's sad to say that the title character is the only one who doesn't succumb to stupid little fits of irrational anger at stupid things. Well he does, but not to the level that the others do. It's like all the characters in the universe can't realize that accidents happen.
Anyway, that was my mini rant. I will continue reading your fan fiction and see if I get my answers.
| Lone Warrior2 chapter 3 . 1/23/2009
I loved that chapter. I've got a strange kink for my favorite character being trapped and held against their will and that was really cool.
I think this is a particularly interesting writing style because you keep flashing back and giving us bits of what happened to Ryoga before Ranma found him.
I really can't wait to continue, I think I will later tonight.
| Lone Warrior2 chapter 2 . 1/22/2009
Wow, this is a pretty good fan fic. You keep the characters so well in character and I'm anxious to know about this "cure" and "price" Also, what did the doctor have to say to Ryoga? I need to go to bed now, but I'll be back for more soon. TTYL.
| Lone Warrior2 chapter 1 . 1/22/2009
Hmm... a well written story that claims to involve both Ranma and Ryoga? Well how interesting. I guess I'll have to keep reading to find out what happens next. I can't wait to find out.
| Ganheim chapter 5 . 1/4/2009
and spewing forth bad poetry.
[Actually, the poetry is rather good...]
He realized how bitter his train of thoughts had become and felt disgusted with himself. Self-pity was for the weak.
[I've seen a lot of 'Ranma has a bout of depression' runs in the Ranma fandom, but this is the first bit that makes sense and looks good.]
By now he was running full pelt,
[If it's raining that heavily, how's he avoiding getting wet enough from running into the rain? An umbrella doesn't give 360 degrees of protection.]
immediately moverd to
"Don’t you dare die on me Ryoga!” she shouted, a tangle of fury and concern.“You do and I swear to god I'll kill you."
[Despite the gravity of the situation, that was funny. Good emotional break from the rest of the chapter without ruining the mood.]
his throat was soar.
All this beauty but it was all worthless, seeing as he had no one to share it with.
[I can think of no greater fuel for the 'Shi Shi Houkoudan']
it wouldn’t have broke.
as last nights events
"Well good morning Miss Hyrosue,
[Did you mean 'Hirosue', as in the Japanese pop star?]
you to wake up”.
complications.” he said
[As this dialog transitions straight to a speech tag that describes how it's spoken...sort of (by some of the action done during), a comma instead of period is needed for closing and transition]
but it didnt didn’t sway him.
Ryoga’s hospital gown had drawn a lot of stares.
[I highly doubt that they'd have been able to get out of the hospital grounds with him still wearing the gown. It wouldn't have been wise to try - all of Ryouga's clothing is still back there, though I admit it'd be unlikely that they'd know where to look to find it.]
your going to pay.”
gIts only temporary,
I wont be
ready for an attack from he realized
[It looks like there was supposed to be a sentence break after 'attack', and 'from' is superfluous.]
when u knocked,
[No. Your attempt of chatspeak in the story is denied.]
tea befure he picked up his.
Whatever’s available really?
[This is a modest statement, not a question. It doesn't need a question mark]
'You are going to lead a miserable life’,
[1: misplaced end punctuation. 2: this was pretty clear without the pretend palm reading, Ryouga tends to “wear his heart on his sleeve” and it's pretty clear that he's lost and alone and will likely perpetually remain that way.]
A witch a demon?’
[It looks like there was supposed to be a sentence separation after 'witch']
and much to his dismay he found his body decided to obey.
[Given the situation, he might realize how few options he has and _choose_ to cooperate. Or at least feign capitulation. Literally taking all physical control away seems to cheapen the drama slightly, to me at least. The idea of having control but that control meaning nothing isn't as scary as not having any control at all.]
'We can figure this out later’
[Missing closing period, though Ranma's had contact with magic before and it never bodes well, I doubt he'd be more willing to eat dinner than investigate some magic that hasn't proven not to be malevolent.]
and he felt himself being seated in a chair.
[The Tendo household doesn't sit up at a table, they eat in the traditional Japanese fashion of sitting down on a cushion at a low table (no chairs) and eating.]
'Yea’ well he wasn’t lying.
[Missing closing punctuation, and capitalization of the following narrative]
I have sired.’ Genma said
[As the text goes straight into a speech tag that directly modifies the dialog, it should end with a comma instead of period]
bimbo of yours”
[Missing closing period. I also thought it odd that Akane accused him of spending the time with Shampoo - not that she hasn't made such unfounded accusations in the past, but because there wasn't a catalyst and usually there's something that nudges her attention/imagination towards whatever she accuses him of]
'Um I left in the park’
[Missing comma after 'um', closing period after 'park']
eThe heir to the Sataome Ryu School of martial arts
[This is mixing languages. Since most of the story is English, you might as well keep with that and use "Anything-Goes Martial Arts".]
despite the blood dripping
[Blood flowing means a serious injury, both of these boys are hardened martial artists and I highly doubt that, despite their youth at this point, that they'd be either strong or reckless enough to inflict such a serious blow.]
'Gonna to be sick’
[Missing closing period, and superfluous 'to']
the number of time
Did she think that just because there was a fate worse than his made his any easier to handle?
[The only thing that line of thought leads to is two wounded people.]
bound to fulfil
shelf my feelings
the fact that he is a better fighter than you?’
[This is debatable, and depends on which aspects of fighting you like better - in Rumiko Takahashi's canon universe, Ryouga is pretty much equal to Ranma (he's just stronger and slower). Considering the fact that he's almost entirely self-taught, the fact that he's able to keep up at all is amazing and a testament to his talent.]
from his necks
[Necks plural? I always thought he only had _one_ neck!]
was no supposed
the creatures face
the creatures arm
[creature's. This punctuation mistake happens so often that this is the last time I'll point it out.]
he plunged his fingers into
[When gouging out an eye, it's not often that the eye is big enough to accommodate more than one finger]
beneath his burrowed shit shirt.
'Wake up baka!
She tossed a bucket of water over Ranma.
[OOC - Akane's done this repeatedly, but she only does so because Ranma's not already awake and she's too lazy to slap him across the face and say 'wake up'.]
feather belong too,
It always bugged Ken how Gato would always number the corpses instead of giving them names.
[That's how the professionals do it: making them numbers instead of names allows you to psychologically distance yourself from it and survive working in the homicide unit. This doesn't necessarily work in other units - like gang or drug enforcement, but for homicide it's a necessary evil]
like Ryoga unwillingness