Reviews for My Bane
purple-lightening chapter 24 . 9/2/2009
love this story
1rosebyanyothername chapter 24 . 7/22/2009

I know this is a really old story, but I was super bored recently and read it for a second time and, being a compulsive editor, I have several comments.

First and foremost is that the story as a whole was incredibly inconsistent. While I am relatively sure that the idea behind it was inspired, I am not clear enough on the central idea to pass adequate judgment.

The plot is vague and moves forward without resolving any of the conflicts that would help it to develop in a logical way. For example, Ginny goes from disliking Draco to willingly kissing him to being stuck back in time with him as his girlfriend in a matter of days. She also forgives him and falls in love with him after he tells her that he has been manipulating her and using her simply to achieve a status that is required of him simply because he buys her expensive gifts and then curses her and essentially kidnaps her. It is also at at this point that Draco confesses his love for her without any real transition period.

Also, it bothers me that Draco only falls in love with Ginny after she takes the form of Isendre. This implies that he doesn't love her for who she is but rather for who she looks like and the role that she is playing. Furthermore, throughout the entirety of the story, Draco abuses Ginny frequently, only displaying concern and affection towards her when she's gotten angry or hurt and he realizes that he needs to win her back.

Fourth, Ginny seems to have an ongoing flirtation with Sirius and a friendly relationship with the marauders while at the same time consistently professing her love to Draco and befriending the Black sisters. This in and of itself if hugely contradictory and misleading. It is also detrimental to Ginny's growth as a character.

My last complaints are in regards to the resolution of the story: There is no resolution with Ginny's parents regarding where she had gone. There is no indication of what Draco chose in regards to his death eater status besides the one uncharacteristic moment of angst that occurs earlier in the story. The engraving "My Bane" on the ring is never explained, and the reader is never told why or how they ended up going back in time in the first place besides a small moment in which Draco might be implying that he caused the ordeal.

I'm sorry if this upsets you, please believe that I am not sending a critical review because I want to be mean or for my own vindictive pleasure. I really believe that you have true potential in all of your stories, but the ones that I have read (which include My Bane, A Ring of Emerald Jewels, and all that is available of Dance with the Devil) have similar problems in clarity and transitions. I think that the best way to improve this is to lengthen the chapters and stories and fill in all of the information that you have, but may be leaving out of the story because of your firsthand knowledge of the characters and their situation. This information will improve the stories tremendously and help the reader to comprehend the rapid character development without feeling like the drastic emotional changes and the relationships that develop appear out of nowhere.

Again let me impress upon you the fact that I am not trying to discourage you from writing in any way shape or form. My intent here is only to help.

Thank you

here.knows.not chapter 24 . 11/29/2007
great story congrats on finishing it i think u could make a really good sequl for it if u wanted any way great job on the story and wonder ful writing s

Mei Queen chapter 24 . 9/14/2007
Aw, I loved this story. I'm all mushy and sappy now. :P I really loved what you did, bringing Ginny and Draco back to the Marauders era. It's such a cool idea, and it makes a lot of sense as to why they would get together with so many things working against them. Fabulous job! :) I'm putting this (and you) on my favorites!

Samurai-Kagome chapter 3 . 8/18/2007
LMAO...This was so hilarious..."Underneath that coarse exterior...he's gross?" LMAO...OMG...I was laughing so hard...or it might just have been that I was feeling giddy b/c of my cold. Really good beginning though!
Silverblade11 chapter 2 . 7/28/2007
I don't get it. Did they snog each other or what?
iMnOtReAlLYcRaZy chapter 24 . 7/20/2007
sweet. sorry i took so long. I was waiting to see if more updates would follow this one. very nice ending.
harrypotterchick4ever chapter 24 . 4/17/2007
loved the story

great job!
Candy Momo chapter 24 . 4/13/2007
absolotly wonderfull!

i have nothing else to say. only that i'm sorry it ended.

i would have loved to read some more of this amazing story.

Forever Intertwined chapter 24 . 3/29/2007
i loved it
BlondeHairLover980 chapter 24 . 3/26/2007
the voice of singing clouds chapter 24 . 3/18/2007
o... i really really like this story! I don't understand what "my band" means though! A little help here! thank you!

Nandini709 chapter 24 . 3/17/2007
Wow! Good story and writing. Loved it!

Jeisa chapter 24 . 3/17/2007
YAY! finally! my sister is going to be so excited when she sees that you've finished it!

great job by the way, i liked it alot. and i'm glad that it ended the way that it did.
Andrea chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
Okay, to be honest, I didn't like this story. I'm not trying to be harsh, but I kind of wish I would have stopped after the first chapter; I considered it too. The first chapter alone is choppy, and confusing as it goes from dracos view to ginnys after two or three sentences. However, I continued reading, and once I got to the chapter where she is discovered by the Maraders, in the past, I thought maybe this will be good, and for a little while it seemed like it would be. But I feel like maybe the story line went by too fast. I didn't ever see Draco and Ginny's romance grow. All, the sudden, it said they were boyfriend/girlfriend, and i was left with confusion. When did that happen? I asked myself. I liked the idea, I just believe that it needed to be organized better. I hope you don't hate me, because I saw glimpses of a great writer in there, but I felt unsatisfied at the end. Keep working hard!
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