|Reviews for Legacy of the Chimera|
| Shadow Chaser chapter 44 . 2/24/2009
Well, like I promised, I have read and am now ready to review your first fandom foray into FF8 (barring the Gunblade Saga). Since this story was divided up into 2 parts, I will review both parts in two separate paragraphs.
Blood - Overall, a solid outline, beginning, middle, and resolution (including the little nasty cliffhanger you left us with). I liked the characterizations and the development of the characters, especially some of the villains and extraneous allies.
However, there is one villain I did not like and it was Ilarra. I know her method of revenge against Squall was to make his life a living hell (which btw, was executed beautifully in the beginning chapters), but when she started to explain her reasons, her character seemed to fall completely apart. I was reading and then was like: just because she had a hellish life and wanted to kill golden boy for having such a good life? WTF? I thought you could have done better to flesh out her true motivations and perhaps give an extra twist to this story (hell by that point I was expecting that she was actually Raine all dug up and twisted and zombiefied).
There is one ally I really liked and your subsequent development of said character in both parts. Nash - the time compression thing and his back history and everything in between. I can see where you drew on "The Orphan" and "The Omega" from. Heh. Nice touch...
Another thing I was a bit ambiguous about was Squall turning into an Elemental. I almost stopped right then and there because at that point, so many characters were getting so many "power ups" and getting stronger and stronger I was losing your fanfic to the masses of magic, battles, and felt your overall storyline was beginning undercut into the action. At that point, I felt that you had lost some of what made FF8, FF8 - the love story and the characters and their motivations. If you really want to look at it, the third act of the first part was just all action and barely anymore plot.
Legacy - Beginning a little weak, especially turning SeeD into a counter insurgency force? They're mercs, they are hired to anyone. This part aside from the machinations of our villains, Hyne and Hades, was probably while writing style, your strong suite, plot line, your weakest. I thought you could have done better to re-introduce Squall/Chimera, and Ilarra/Requiem. I was also left hanging as to where the hell Laguna went. I would have expected as a father, he would have act least acted a bit spare towards Squall's "death" and if not, Rinoa would have probably been suspicious.
I think my favorite chapters of this story is the one where Squall's being forced to attempt to snipe and when he reveals himself as "Chimera" or at least using the name.
Anyways, the ending battle I was seeing something like a cross between Mount Olympus and FF10's final battles. I was imagining hurling opponents and massive power ups. A good visual, but like I said above, it really pushes the limit on what I could stomach from a battle-royale FF8 fic. I know it was the end all be all situation, but seriously...I could have done without everyone like merging with their otherselves (Nash/Ifrit, Squall/Griever, Quistis/Alucard). Speaking of Alucard...the Hellsing reference made me crack up every time. I think you've transplanted him well into this fic.
I do would have liked more introspection and development on the other gods, especially Hyne, Hades, Ramuh (before he "died") and Alucard and perhaps also Griever and his motivations - even though he spelled it out to Squall.
Overall, it is a good venture and I must say I liked Gunblade Saga more than Legacy of the Chimera. It's still going to my favorites. I'll probably look at your latest offerings and hopefully see more improvement in plot development in there. Btw, your visuals/battles, are probably the best I've read in a while. _ Great job with that!
| DaughterOfSorceress-Lion chapter 43 . 12/15/2008
I'm crying again. I'm sorry for the harsh words. I'm happy now, and not overtired awake on cafeene. Peptuck is Genius!
| DaughterOfSorceress-Lion chapter 37 . 12/14/2008
Huh...(scratches head in confussion on several fronts)
Wait for it,...
. It is way too late, I am now jumping up and down for joy regardless of unexplainable confusion. Happiness. Should have known you aren't that cruel. I'm gonna shut up now.
| DaughterOfSorceress-Lion chapter 34 . 12/14/2008
Huh...(scratches head in confussion on several fronts.)
Maybe I'll shut up now. Maybe. Spooky red eyes. Crell mwahhahahahahahahhahah! 2 weeks with seasalt water. EWCHL-GAG. I've had way too much cafeene.
| DaughterOfSorceress-Lion chapter 30 . 12/14/2008
I know I just wrote a glowing review, but I cried, and when I cry while reading something it is generally followed by anger, or it may show up while still crying. I have one word for you.
I'm still crying here. You stupid a-s sucking bi-h hogging bastard mother f-ker. I'm still crying. Clearly yelling long strings of explicitives is not helping. GR!
| DaughterOfSorceress-Lion chapter 26 . 12/14/2008
First of all I want to say
PEPTUCK IS GENIUS!
K with that out of the way, I wasn't going to review untill I had read the entire thing, well I'm close...ish. But I broke my vow because I just had to say.
HOLY MOTHER $*!) %&(#WAD
Normally I saw your twist's coming to a point. Hyne threw me a little off gaurd. Well ok, so alot and Alucard did too, so ok scratch that, the only one I saw coming a mile away was Serra, then again well, ya. And well 'The Govenor' was just plain obviouse. ANYWHO I was thinking Nash was the Chimera. Clearly that's well, out the door. That kinda hurt like one of selphies THWACK'S. TEHE!
Sweet daisies, must contiue reading. FYI. I loved the game, but it left alot of loose ends. I felt that your rendition was far more satisfying on that end of things. Then again, ther's only so much you can put on 4discs.
So there, I reviewed after reading like well, alot. You and Ashbear are like the Gods ruling FF8. YOu've got the action with a little romance. She's got the romance with a little action. Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. SO I love your work, I feel really bad for Squall, Greiver's pissing me off to no end. DIE ILLARRA!
| Inferno232 chapter 2 . 7/16/2008
Dude, you ripped off Depp.
I'm not even through with the chapter, but I had to state the obvious. (I'm not the only one, am I.)
I'm not mad, It just snapped me out of the story when I noticed Pirate's dialogue.
| harrypotterperson chapter 43 . 6/23/2008
oh SHIT that was the most epic story ive ever read. crazy epicness in all of epicosity. Great writing, can't believe you did all that in a year. The only weird thing was seifer with serra...that just feels too much like incest to be normal, even if it isn't. anyway great job.
| Derek Z chapter 2 . 10/19/2007
I've read the first two chapters of this monstrosity and I wish I could say that I was looking forward to reading the rest. I have not found your story to be engaging, unfortunately, since I do like a nice long read. In the interest of helping you improve your writing skills I will mention a few things that particularly struck me. I hope you interpret what I say here as frankness rather than malice.
Your writing is carelessly verbose and frequently redundant. Your dialogue is absurd and awkward. Elemental grammar errors appear regularly, in particular the interchanging of "it's" and "its." Simply put, "it's" is a contraction of "it is" and "its" is a word that implies possession. If you wish to be taken seriously as writer you must master the basics of the language you are writing in. If you can not do this, or will not, at least get a good editor who will do it for you.
'But that left Quistis all alone, with no one close to her.'
'...thus making him nothing more than a mere human being...'
Redundancy and verbosity:
'It was well known that both of them were an item within Garden. [...] There were whispers in Garden that something was going on between them, but for some reason they had not committed to any kind of relationship, though this sparked scores of rumors.'
Multiple grammar errors ("alright" is not a word. "All right" is two):
'“Its alright,” Quistis replied...'
Word repetition and triple redundancy:
'Even at this late hour, Rinoa still seemed as beautiful as ever. Even without any makeup or grooming (which Squall often insisted she didn’t need) Rinoa was still stunning.'
All of the dialogue is awkward. Nobody talks like this. Ever. Here is an unfortunate combination of stilted conversation and exposition:
'“Are you seriously ready to confront him?” he asked. “To speak to this man you both hardly know, yet know more intimately than any other human being?”'
More inappropriate exposition in dialogue. Squall already knows all about the Horizon bridge (or he should), it is unnecessary and awkward to try and conceal exposition in this way. Just have Squall recall the matter in his own thoughts:
'“It’s a big symbol of international peace,” Xu replied with a shrug. “Two decades since its been shut down. President Caraway and Duke Haroldington are riding trains from Timber, along with Timber’s representatives. Hopefully they’ll all arrive on time in FH at the same moment. The press is dying to get pics of them all stepping off the trains at the same time and shaking hands.”'
Grammar error and descriptive carelessness. "Moonlight" is one word, and I'm certain you meant that the sound of lapping ocean waves was coming through the window, rather than the actual ocean:
'Moon light shone down through the open window, accompanied by the scent of the salty ocean air, which itself was chased by the gentle lapping of ocean waves.'
And in the next sentence, redundancy:
'Silvery light played through the darkened room...'
I think you get the idea. Verbosity is not necessary in writing, and can seriously detract from any story if applied incorrectly. The best writing is clear and concise. You may take 300k words to tell a story, but length does not a good story make. Your writing needs so much basic work that I can't even begin to offer criticism of the finer points of storytelling, such as pacing and tension. There is no pacing and no tension to speak of here, the writing gets in the way of the story.
Before you post a story you should spend time reading it over and trying to find mistakes and redundancy. Get a beta reader to help you if you are too close to the material. Read your dialogue out loud, it is the second biggest problem in your writing after the verbosity/redundancy. Your primary efforts should be focused, however, on the actual act of writing. The cleaner you write, the less of a mess you will have to clean up later.
And you should rewrite your profile. It does not shed a complimentary light on you. Never demand things from your readers, it makes you look conceited. You display confidence in your writing skills that is unwarranted, probably from getting too many good reviews. Just remember that almost every piece of writing, however bad, has its fans.
| crystaliz chapter 42 . 9/20/2007
Just finished the story and omg it's freaking AWESOME. the plot is really complex! i'm amazed at how you managed to get that all out and make it all flow together so well. kudos to you. (: it really is a job well done and i hope to read more wonderful stories like this in time to come! ((:
| bhoy1888 chapter 43 . 9/19/2007
brilliant story and sequel worthy o0f final fantasy 8 thought the OCs were great even though its a bit weird seifer endin up with squalls daughter but worked out in the end..
| Ogro chapter 44 . 7/11/2007
Ahh, I really liked this story! Best FFVI sequel out there! Your action scenes were incredible! Kinda long, too... But that's okay. I'll admit, I skipped a paragraph or two of some of Irvine's gunfights. You had a TON of twists too, that kept the story extremely exciting. But I figured out Serra was Squall and Rinoa's child when Seifer was escaping Iceblood Prison :)
I loved some of your OCs. Btw, I read Gunblade too, and I'll start there. Randolph was an okay character, but i didnt start really respecting him until this story. Btw, I never fully played FF8 yet, and your novelized version really helped me :D Thank you! Ok, back to the OCs. Illara was an awesome character, and you really captured her insanity well. Her battles with Squall were very intense and amazing. I also really liked Serra, and I'm glad she survived Hyne's possession. Its actually kinda funny... Zell and Ellone's daughter is actually her cousin, heheh. Ellone is her aunt, too O.o... Lol, it would have been funny if Squall gave Seifer one of those "talks" regarding his daughter XD.
Hyne, Hades, Alucard, and Griever were pretty cool too, and I hated Hyne, but in a good way. I mean... I hated her like the characters did, not because her character was bad. It was pretty awesome. Hades was also pretty funny.
Btw, what happened to all of the Elementals? Does Selphie still have Shiva's power? You never explained that...
Also, Rinoa's Sorceress powers are gone. Hmm, she's a lot weaker now, and I like her better with magic, but i can REALLY picture her well with a Gunblade, so that works D
| takashi yuki chapter 44 . 6/25/2007
It's been almost three years since I've started reading this. I started out on your story as Psylockian Emperor, and let me tell you, about a month ago, trying to find you with little memory of the story and yourself, was a bitch! It took me almost a half n' hour. But it was worth it.
But you know why it took so long? Because fanfiction's search engine isn't anything like google, and google ain't anything that likes me. Because I tried to type in 'Blood of the Chimera' and low n behold, you changed the name of the story. Also, you're on page 3 of the searc engine when you type in chimera. Just a good fact I think you should know. Lol, so I sat there confused forgetting your author name. Felt bad, but it feels good to have finished your saga.
So I should start off by saying, I now know why I felt that the story was less epic then it felt it was trying to accomplish after reading your commentary about the gigantic world war that was going to happen. I'm glad you decided against it though. It felt as though the epilogue you put together about love and family was a lot more deserving and settling than Squall winning a world war practicaylly by himself.
I love what you did with each character. Irvine and Selphie felt meant to be. Zell was the relief I expected him to be, though his relationship with Ellone felt a bit contrived. I'm satisfied though. Seifer, although I didn't expect to like him so much, and I still am iffy about him, I almost respected his Jack Bauer transformation. And that just feels wierd.
And Who doesn't like Squall. The zanshin thing was pretty cool.
Now, For the characters I am concerned with.
If Quisitis could die one more time, I swear people would have just started stabbing her for fun. Although she always put up a good brief fight, she kept dieing. Reading it the first time, I was like, 'AH! ...tear' second time, 'SUNUVABICH!' and the third, 'For fuck's sake, shank em' or something!' But I understood. And she seems to be the only character out of all of them, that you didn't develop. Perhaps because there was barely in development to be done. Or perhaps because it just didn't fit into your limitations reguarding time and significants. But either way, she still felt like she was too much of the same character as she was in the beginning.
Rinoa was effin' bad ass. And saying that, I never expected to say that and this surprisingly was one of my favorite parts of the story. Having her cause so much destruction and death, and grin at some of it, well that just made me slap my knee and put my hands up and shout like a mother f... yeah. I liked that, especially when it got to Legacy. Seeing her without magic kick ass, was, well - kickass. But her learning to kick so much ass in a short amount of time was a bit unbelievable...just for my standards...maybe. cough.
And then there was Illara. You killed the crazy bitch off and here I thought you were going to keep her for a happy ending. But it's what made the story real. When you brought her back, I was concerned that it would ruin her first death because it was so expected and delivered beautifully. But I was okay with it and even felt more relieved. It just felt like you ran out of characters.
Malachi and Crell, really couldn't stand them. I really didn't start to like Malachi until his last few chapters. They were just really annoying. And Crell seemed to just come to an abrupt unfortunate end.
Randolph...wierd. But likeable.
So I would like to say to you that this has been the best fanfiction I've read in like forever and quite possibly should be considered for novelization because I'm sure Hiranobu himself would be proud of this story. I couldn't wait to get to the end and yet I didn't want it to conclude. I don't read many books, but i'm a media whore, so when I sit and read all the way through, then I'm basically in love with what I read. This is no exception. From start to finsih you have giving me some literature to respect and you are my idol. It's been three years and I'm still wondering what you have become and how much better you are.
My original review was going to be short paragraph, somthing like, 'It's been a pleasure to read this and i'm honored to be your 821st review. blah blah, greatest fan fic, blah blah, add me on myspace' ...now speaking of myspace. I'm sure you have one.
now add me. Please:)
Oh, and about Hades, I loved the character. There's always one character that an author models after himself, whether on accident or on purpose. But this one, Hades, was you. I could tell. Reading your off hand writing one can tell that you are Hades in your story. He was really funny. And I really enjoyed reading his parts although at some points he got a bit annoying cause I wanted some of the epic parts to be a bit more serious, I still loved the character. Hyne was a bitchy little japanese horror movie girl kinda, but I still liked her.
I would say though, out of the little problems you have, your biggest most significant one, would still be taking characters and stories, and worlds, and making them your own. Dealing with fanfiction of course. Which leads me to my point. I worry that you will not be able to create your own worlds and birth your own characters without basing them soo heavily on other copyrighted projects. Because it's hard to miss all of the similarities between your writing and other stories and such. You have to work on creating your own original atmospheres and personalities, though I know the saying goes, 'originality died with the bible,' and well greek mythology and literature and such, but authors and creators are responsible for creating worlds in which the audience can come to love and respect for the sense that they can stand alone.
All in all, you are a brilliant artist and I hope to see more of your work one day. Until then, It was a pleasure peptuck. And I've already written you into some of my own works because that's just how cool you are now.
| Dance of the Soul chapter 44 . 2/12/2007
Very nice story. It was very origional. I've never seen anybody do this before, and I liked it. i did notice a few errors, all minor ones, with spelling and suck. A couple of places Squall's name isn't capitalized. Other than that, it was excellent.
| opprobe chapter 43 . 1/25/2007
the part that seifer is gonna make his babies with squall and rinoa's daughter creeps the hell outta me.
but anyways, thats to ensure there won't be a sequel, right?
good story ftw!