|Reviews for A Swim and a Food Fight!|
| Netbug-Archive chapter 1 . 11/12/2007
I recommend listening to what Youkomon said. Your story lacks a lot of description. While good dialog is important, you need strong detail to back it up. Also, author's notes mid chapter are a REALLY bad thing to do. It breaks the mood.
Also, no need to say where the lake is from. It's kinda patronizing to feel you have to describe every little thing. The fans ain't stupid.
Also, it seems like you are putting a bit too much focus and love for just your OC. How many characters have a crush on her? And she talks like, every other line? This seems to be a team story, so why does it feel like your OC is getting all the attention? It kinda makes her feel sueish to me. Also, just a question, where does Jet come from? How is she a robot monkeys to begin with anyways? Why does Otto like her? Are these questions answered in other stories? You should note before you begin the fic here your OC in introduced to newbies can go read it.
| Youkomon chapter 1 . 11/5/2005
You should never, EVER add author's notes in the middle of a story, it disrupts the flow. Also, demanding reviews never works...what happened to the descriptive language?
| Eternal Fire Goddess chapter 1 . 10/24/2005
Oh my god...OTTO! Did you honestly do you know what?
Otto: Er, yes... DON'T HURT ME! *Notices Phoenix*
Otto: Your angry with me aren't you?
Phoenix: *Screams* *Gets machine guns out* DIE!
Otto: AH! THE END IS NIGH!
Phoenix: You should have shut up about Gibson!
Me: AH! HELP ME! I M IN WORLD WAR 3! Okgottagoseeyabye!
| Crazy'n'Love chapter 1 . 8/3/2005
Good work as always!
| 4Evermonkeyfan chapter 1 . 4/8/2005
Awsome chapter! I knew Jet wouldn't like it when Otto did his monkey tsunamni and do something to get back at him, LOL! I liked the food fight too and how they had to clean it! Write more soon, I love your stories!
| whitefairy chapter 1 . 4/8/2005
Lol, great story. Wierd thing is, I've actually done something like that recently. *suspicious eyes* Were you spying? Anyway, want more, want more!
Ichigo: *watching Antauri walk out of the shower* ...*drools*
| Beastfire chapter 1 . 4/7/2005
This was so funny! Write another? Maybe?
Ivy: *still in Ivy-proof cage* C'mon, I've been in this thing for, like, seven hours! Lemmie out, or you're DEAD BOSS MEAT!
Beastfire: But...*imitates Good Charlotte* I just wanna li-ive! Uh...post more stuff soon!