Reviews for Shattered Innocence
AlexxMorgenstern chapter 15 . 10/26/2009
I can't read this any more. The whole thing screams MARY SUE! :P. Now I see why people didn't like my supposed 'Mary Sue'. Your OC is annoying. I'm not trying to insult you or be rude or mean, but that's that.
Friendlyfangirl chapter 13 . 12/7/2007
I apologize.I was not insulting you(or if I did that is the last

thing I intended).Yes I know the fic is completed but I just thought I should give you an idea of something about your fic which

is not 's nothing YOU did wrong since you said you don't

know what Mary-Sues are...

I'll Sues are female OCs that are are

good-looking,good at almost everything they do and tend to have at

least three guy characters hitting on ,and many of them do

posses some supernatural ability:( Your OC has a of that and also

the fact you named her'Heshema'which is part of your screen name

also screams Mari the bashing of Marrons by portraying her

as a whore...That's kinda how many of them just destroy

most female OCs reputation.

Don't feel bad no one on DBZ seems aware what Sues are so it's

if you wanna get more info on Sues just google them.

-write on
friendlyfangirl chapter 12 . 11/30/2007
MARY SUE!I'm sorry but this is one of the biggest most canon

wrecking Sue fics I've read!
Friendlyfangirl chapter 5 . 11/18/2007
I like the story but your OC is a Mary sue;(

-write on.
xXthevampirequeenXx chapter 23 . 11/9/2006
THIS IS SO GOOD! I'M GUNNA READ IT AGAIN LOL! I'M GUNNA READ YA NEXT 1.
Puja723 chapter 23 . 10/22/2006
Aw such a cute story. Every chapter I read had me gasping for breath. I will read your sequel soon. Good story. I loved it! Keep up the good work. _
Liisha2theMoon chapter 23 . 9/1/2006
I LUFFED IT. good ending. vair vair. cute. PLEASE TELL ME WHEN THE NEW STORY IS UP! can't wait

ari
Thomas Drovin chapter 23 . 9/1/2006
What a way to end a great story! And the sequel is up already you say? I shall look for it at once! I want to see how she does in it, GREAT work!
1010'jin chapter 21 . 8/21/2006
I hope that's not the ending...it was too good to end there. Update soon!

_
Liisha2theMoon chapter 21 . 8/20/2006
AWW! IS THAT GOING TO BE THE END? That was good... but endings make meh sad... POOP! THAT WAS VERY GOOD! I LUFF IT! Poor her... SHE IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER! I wish I was her. cause i'm great like that! lol. i'm not that great but who cares? OK!

ari

PS MY REVIEW CAUGHT YOUR EYE! I FEEL LUFFED!
Thomas Drovin chapter 21 . 8/20/2006
Is this the end? 18 really is gutless to shoot her in the back like that! If our young friend SHOULD make a come back and faces off against 18 I have a great scene! If they face off against each other again, she should say this to 18 to piss her off.

"You know 18, you look like the type of girl who'd shoot an unprepared person in the back. Sound familliar?" [That would REALLY piss 18 off!] (Turns around) "Well here's your chance to try again." (Then attack before 18 can. )

How's THAT for an idea? Update soon won't you? Later!
Liisha2theMoon chapter 20 . 8/13/2006
YES! Exactly, exactly EXACTLY, what I've been looking for. Very well writen. It has a PLOT (thank god) and a good OC. Very very well done so far. I send appluase and plot bunnies! yay! I hope you update soon. (PLEASE 9.9)

ari
Liisha2theMoon chapter 6 . 8/13/2006
Ok. I just wanted to say this is EXACTLY the story I've been looking for. So I thank you. I shall go finish now.
Thomas Drovin chapter 20 . 8/11/2006
Oh dear! I see that the dreaded confrontation is coming! Who will win and will it be a good thing if 18's offspring wins I wonder? Update soon so I can find out, the suspense will kill me!
Thomas Drovin chapter 19 . 8/3/2006
That was a very thoughtful gesture for Goten, hopefully he won't feel so heartbroken by her anymore. But WILL they stay JUST friends and family? Only time will tell, update soon!

Why? Becasue my birthday is on the 5th of August! YAY! Later!
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