|Reviews for Potion|
| Madam Pegasus chapter 10 . 10/10/2005
Hi, you wanted me to review on your story. Overall it was well written and well described. I'm going to give it a 9/10. I wouldn't change anything on it. I got into the story quite well. I'm curious as if you're going to make a sequel. The end of it sounded like both Kaiba and Pegasus were going to be together, It got me intrigued. But I have a question, who did pay the debt? And will anyone remember Pegasus anymore? Especially Tenma? Email me with a reply if you can.
| Draechaeli chapter 10 . 10/7/2005
| LB chapter 10 . 10/3/2005
Awesome new part, thanks for letting me know you updated. I'm glad to see a bit more humanity in Seto this time, though you've got me a bit paranoid wondering what's been done to him in the past (which is a wonderful thing to do). My first guess would be that Gozaburo would've used something to make him pliant in the whole training process which didn't really work so maybe pliant isn't the word, maybe I want to say heartless or empty, but at the same time I can imagine a number of other people being responsible for Seto's personality because I can't imagine why Gozaburo would pay for future messing around. I'd say there are two main other possibilities based on what's been mentioned in the story. There could of course be any number of other people responsible that just haven't been mentioned like the gang, but since Yugi et al haven't come up I'll say either Mokuba or past life stuff is responsible. This is kind of weak, but Mokuba has been in the story so maybe Mokuba back when he was younger wanted Seto to find someone to love and when it didn't work right away he kind of forgot about it and moved on with life. I can't imagine why he'd want to hook him up with Pegasus considering their past experience, but eh, whatever. So the stronger idea is that maybe it's all some past life problem carried over into this one. Like some ancient Egyptian something or other, I don't know, I haven't gotten to see those eps yet, but it seems to be a theme that Seto can't escape the past and you can't get much more past than high priest. :) Maybe you are just referring to Pegasus' overpaying in the beginning, but that's sort of a let down after plotting other possibilities. :) I just have a question about that guy who replaced Pegasus, is he an OC or a real person? I'm not great at remembering Japanese names so it may look familiar for no reason or something similar may've been used in a different story or maybe he's from the manga or maybe I've never seen it before but he is in fact in the show with a different name. Just curious. Keep on writing!
| LB chapter 9 . 9/29/2005
Boy howdy. This story sure is something. I don't know if I like it or dislike it. I know I started to read it once because the first chapter is kind of familiar, but I'm glad I didn't read it then because I wouldn't be getting the impact of 9 chapters in a row. :) I'm not a big Pegasus fan I guess, I mean as far as I'm concerned his only purpose is to do bad things to Kaiba. ;) I'm not one for an actual relationship between them (I don't really think Kaiba's a relationship kind of guy, but I'm all for abusing him), so when I started reading this story today I was like, hey, this is awesome, disfunctional relationship with Pegasus manipulating Kaiba, just the way I like it. :D I liked the little Seto voice, confused and trying to stop things but in the end powerless. The whole rape comment was perfect. But then it got harder to tell if he wanted it or not, was there really a little voice, but I guess that really worked for what you were going for, he's losing it. I'd say you are going for, they could be happy together if they tried it, but their personalities are such that they wouldn't try it, whereas my personal views are more like Kaiba hates Pegasus, Pegasus can carry a torch for him but Kaiba feels nothing but dislike in return. I even didn't mind Pegasus having doubts and being more than just a bad guy. You've kind of fleshed out with believeable emotions what I see as a relatively flat character in the show. The first time in the moonlight I was a bit iffy, too much regret for something he wanted, too much confusion about himself when he should be the one in control, but really that works too, people don't really realize what they want and fantasies always seem better than reality. At least he's listening to his baser instincts, falling for his own rationalizations, doing what he wants even though he knows it's not right, convincing himself to be forceful, it's all very nice, even as he's realizing more and more he's messed up Kaiba and he regrets it, it's all believeable and you've got me invested in it. But the end of chapter 8, that I don't know about... Such a violent reaction from Kaiba! I can't exactly say it's out of character, I mean I know Kaiba best from dubbed cartoons, but I know of Death-T, I know he's a bit harsher than I might like to think of him. Still, I question that he'd want anything to do with Pegasus, I can imagine beating him up, maybe even killing him, I could even go so far as him giving Pegasus the potion just so he'd know what it feels like, but keeping him as a pet and abusing him for months? That's just a little sicker than I like to think Kaiba can be. He's colder than that, the impersonal abuse of letting Pegasus flounder and fail, destory his own life like Kaiba was starting. Letting Pegasus suffer as he tries to live without Kaiba and Kaiba pretty much doing his best to forget he ever existed and taking advantage of Pegasus being useless, that seems more like Kaiba. At the same time I can't say what you're doing is beyond the realm of Kaiba's possiblities. The guy did obsess about beating Yugi for how long? He was willing to kill his own brother for it, how is keeping Pegasus locked in his bedroom that different? You're asking me to suspend my disbelief of Seto wanting Pegasus so is it really that much for Kaiba to treat him like a dog and rape him at will? Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not plausible or maybe even in character. Kaiba definitely isn't the forgiving type, but at this point I'm going to blame it on the potions. :) The first one was irreversible, that must mean the second one just changed Seto's way of acting but he still "loves" and feels subservient to Pegasus so he couldn't throw him away, he needs to have him nearby even if it's just to abuse. Who is that lady? She's evil or something I tell ya. :) I thought for a second he was going to die when he got sick, that was her payment, and I gotta tell you I was a bit relieved, putting this unlikeable version of Kaiba out of his misery seemed like a mercy killing by that lady. I'm worried the payment is going to be like a realization of what he's become or something, and I don't really like to think of Kaiba as regretting anything he does unless it relates to Mokuba. :) Speaking of Mokuba, again I can't disagree with your portrayal, it's good, it makes sense, he can't idolize Kaiba forever, it's believable that he'd get tired of being corporate kid and try having friends his own age and getting into trouble, in a few years he could definitely be the person you wrote, but I don't like him! :) I want him to realize something is off in Kaiba, notice a change, CARE! But I can't fault your writing, which may be the most annoying part of it all. If you were a terrible writer I could just say, oh she sucks, that's not how things would go, bah why am I even reading this. Unfortunately (not really) you are a great writer (though you have a tendency to drop letters sometimes, but the spelling errors aren't so numerous or bad that I can't move past them with ease. You know what you're saying so you don't see the sentence doesn't quite make sense with the half spelled word there. Shucks, I get excited when I'm reading sometimes and can end up unconciously skipping sentences or even paragraphs because I'm trying to get to the "good part," I imagine the same thing occurs when you are writing or proofreading), you've written a believeable story that makes logical sense (at least in one quick reading, I could probably search out some plot holes if I really wanted, but is it really a hole if you have to look for it, nothing disrupted my reading so I shouldn't go looking for trouble) even if the characters aren't exactly as I'd like them to be. Really if they were the way I wanted them I'd probably be disappointed, just like Pegasus doesn't like the Kaiba with which he ends up. :) Part of what makes a good story for me is that I anticipate what's going to happen, and then end up totally wrong. :) I keep wanting Yugi and Co. to come and save the day somehow, which wouldn't make much sense at this point (though I'm sure you have the skills to make it believeable), but it would make things happier. I guess I just find your story depressing and that's why I feel a bit like I dislike it while at the same time writing this review has convinced me even more that you are writing a good story. :) This sure was a honking long ramble. I probably meant to say something else but oh well. If you wouldn't mind letting me know when you update I'd really appreciate it. I should just get a login so I could have favs and be able to keep track of stories but until them, I am forever misplacing stories, never to return to the greatness I once saw.
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 9 . 9/20/2005
Rowan: You just continue to awe me! It's not fair how good you are at pacing! Just incredible. This was just mind blowingly wonderful, the progression of Pegasus's deteroation. And I don't have much time, but I'll repeat what I said before- you are the queen of story-speed. Until next time!
| Draechaeli chapter 9 . 9/20/2005
your going to make me cry! (in a metaphorical sense). I hope really slightly less painful love happens soon. although an invisable Pegasus is all right. What is going to happen to his company?
| Ankh-Ascendant chapter 9 . 9/20/2005
wow... Angst angst angst angst angst. I love it. i really do. Bravo-ness!
| Draechaeli chapter 8 . 9/19/2005
I don't think Kaiba should have been so mean and rape like Pegasus at least fucked him nicely.
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 8 . 9/13/2005
Rowan: Incredible. You have a gift, I swear! I mean, it's not perfect (you wrote had instead of has in one place and had a few other similar mistakes) but the timing, the characterization...gosh, you're genius with this! I felt so sorry for Pegasus through-out this chapter. I think the best part about it was that, after he took the potion (or poison, as Seto called it), all his dialogue consisted of "I love you". Just heart-wrenching. I mean, while I was a little like "Pegasus, now do you really think poisoning Kaiba was a good idea?" throughout the story, I never felt dislike for his character, only pity. But now...gosh, I just want to wrap him up and tell him everything's going to be okay. You wrote this chapter so well I almost wanted to cry for him, esecially at the part when he embraced Kaiba after the other man beat him. Poor Pegasus.
Sakura: I thought the way you portrayed Kaiba was on the dot, so to speak. Kaiba hates being controlled or used and nobody makes a fool out of him. The fact that he let his anger get to his head like that shows just how young he is. So irrational. Perfect. I can only say good things about Kaiba's character here.
Rowan: And the woman...wow what a mystery. I'll continue reading if just for her and her motives, if she has any. (Not that that will be the only reason, but it's a big one.) As for Kaiba saying he would never go back on his decision, I think he will. At least, he'll regret it. I cannot wait to see if my presumption is correct!
| Soujirou-san chapter 8 . 9/13/2005
...ohmigee. Goodness gracious. YEASO! Keep going. *dance* xD
| Kabuki1 chapter 8 . 9/13/2005
Boy has this story taken a turn. Can we say plot-twist?
It is angsty and far more realistic for Pegasus to try to fix things and unleash the full wrath of a pissed Seto on himself. There are a few spelling errors in the last two chapters but aside from that the pace moves pretty well. I don't know if things can get any worse for Pegasus, poor guy. I do wonder how Seto will explain things to Mokuba and anyone else who asks. There's only so long you can keep a globally recognizable figure like Pegasus under wraps. And this fee that has been taken care of, what was meant by that? It would cruel of you not to update quickly.
| setosgirl chapter 8 . 9/9/2005
Oh, wow. Quite the turning point. I just have to trust in the universe that this will eventually even out. I liked Seto's anger... very realistic for him. I never do it well enough... he never really goes all out for revenge, which is precisely what he'd do. Veddy nice.
| Ankh-Ascendant chapter 7 . 8/11/2005
Wow... great story. I was hoping htat it was finished so I could read it all... but I guess I'll just have to watch my Author Alerts so that I know when I can read the next chapter. Update soon, please!
| Soujirou-san chapter 7 . 8/5/2005
Yay, Peg x Seto. I luff it. But it's a bit angsty. But angst is good! Good! Anyway, at least you can form sentences and such. You don't know how many writers I've seen using unfinished statements and just block paragraphs(hurrah for the 'enter' key!). It's fluent, it's funny(sometimes), and it makes sense! w00t
| Draechaeli chapter 7 . 8/2/2005
good chappie! I cannot believe that stupid driver! and I can't wait to see what they do!