|Reviews for Potion|
| Keira of the Yamamoto tribe chapter 5 . 6/8/2005
I don't mean this as an insult, but this is disturbing...yet entertaining...like when you can't tear your eyes away from a car crash.
It's just the way you set it up, and the characters you chose make the principle all the more chilling. I think it's just the complete lack of will that Kaiba has that gets to me. The whole concept doesn't sit well with me, but that's what makes it so interesting to read.
Please, I'm begging you, can there please be a way to get the old Kaiba back. It's tearing me up seeing him reduced to a puppet. Plus Pegasus had better suffer the consequences of his actions (although I do want him to be kind of happy at the end too).
I like the way you've handled the POVs so far, they seem apt and powerful. I'll hope you'll continue with the development of Seto's inner termoil, between the 'puppet', his former self, and the man that he truly would want to be. Unfortunately, with that whirlwind of conflicting emotions, and the potion taking control, it's likely that he would have an emotional breakdown.
Well Done, it's a well thought out and executed storyand I'm on tenterhooks for the next chapter.
| Noche 7 chapter 4 . 6/6/2005
You did a great job with Kaiba's confusion,that he feels he does not know who he is anymore. Does the effects of the potion cause his dormant emotions to awaken or is it?Another thing I liked was that Kaiba feels that he is almost two different people yet not.(Seto and Kaiba are two different sides the same coin.) I also liked the struggle with the locket because it means so much to him.I was suprised that you used the locket idea and for him to choose his 'newly found love' Pegasus over his brother's old picture.I liked the protrayal of Mokuba yet at the same time I did not. What I liked was that Mokuba did not want to be like his brother because Mokuba now realizes his brother's I liked that Mokuba would want to like a normal kid and be a little rebellious. (That was a good point that Kaiba would think of Mokuba acting like Jonouchi.)What I did not like about Mokuba's protrayal was his attitude towards his brother. I feel that Mokuba would feel more worried about his brother. He would feel more torn with being a 'normal kid' and being Kaiba's brother. I felt that their bond as brothers would continue through Mokuba's adolescence , though waning yet at the same time strong. Overall, you have a good story going keep it up! Update soon!
| Ravish chapter 3 . 6/5/2005
Haha, this is great! I had been craving a Seto/Pegasus fic for a while. My compliments and please hurry with the update.
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 4 . 6/5/2005
Rowan: I loved how you portrayed Mokuba! I thought it went perfectly with Seto's self-doubt. The potion is making him doubt himself, so Mokuba's disinterest in his once-idolized brother just justified Seto's thoughts.
Sakura: I loved Seto's struggle with removing Mokuba's picture and his decision to replace Mokuba with Pegasus. The implications of changing the picture is perfectly shown. I'd be interested to see Pegasus's reaction if he found out too.
Rowan: Again, excellent new installment into Seto's mind. The way you show the effects of the potion on both Pegasus and Seto is great!
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 3 . 6/2/2005
Rowan: I noticed, during their phone conversain, that you wrote "said Kaiba." And I like that it's in Pegasus's POV and yet it's still "Kaiba". That worked really well with Pegasus's doubt.
Sakura: I agree with Rowan. The whole chapter in general was written really well. I liked how Pegasus felt so much doubt about Kaiba- we know, from chapter two, that the real Kaiba is suppressed- but Pegasus's rationilzations of continuing his "relationship" with Seto makes me wonder whether the real Kaiba is being, not only quelled, but erased into the one the potion made him to be. Very thought provoking.
Rowan: My favorite part of the chapter had to be the part where Pegasus comes to the realization that he may be becoming "Kaiba". That was just so unexpected and yet it made perfect sense! Pegasus's fear of that happening was very real.
Sakura: On the downside, there were a few errors, life a missing "e" or something, but nothing draumatic. There was just one sentence that stuck out to me- "Perhaps it had been an indication of the weather to come and he hadn’t even recognized it, despite looking straight at it." The wording of the last part of that sentence is a bit awkward and disrupted my reading a little. But maybe it's just me.
Rowan: Besides those minor errors, the rest of the chapter was fabulous! We cannot wait to read more! Perhaps more from Kaiba?
| noche 7 chapter 3 . 6/1/2005
Wow! This is really good I like it. However what would Mokuba's reaction to all this would be? What about yugi and company take it? If you know about Yugioh R how would his brothers react? What about chapter one where there was a diamond in a box what's it for? Are there more drawbacks to the potion to come? Overall I agree with the others that you do a good job with the potion's strength. You also did an excellent job in staying in it up! Update soon!
| Kabuki1 chapter 2 . 5/26/2005
Its 4 am, searching for fic, bored out of my mind, decided to go see if anyone has updated any stories, nada, go to websites and ...
You have a new story! I'm always happy to see that.
And what a story it is. Nice to know you're still nursing this pairing even though the excitement seems to have died down with the Japanese finale to the series. You've taken the boys into darker territory here, much darker, and it's a welcome respite from some of the fluff that was everywhere for so long. I've liked your work for a long time, and its good to come back and find something new and exciting to freshing things up a bit. You make me want to tinker with my own bits left unfinished. )
I'll be checking to see if you update this. I hope you do. It's a promising premise with both Seto and Pegasus in character and trapped in their own respective traps. _ I like!
| Aisho Ren chapter 2 . 5/23/2005
UH-OH. I knew it wouldn't work. Now what?
| A.O.T.I.F chapter 2 . 5/19/2005
Not updating a flippin' crime you know. I like this story!(starts crying)
| A.O.T.I.F chapter 1 . 5/19/2005
Oh what's gonna happen? i think I know but that really doesn't matter.
| zi snake chapter 2 . 5/18/2005
Good chapter! Poor kaiba...
| UkeSeto chapter 2 . 5/17/2005
This is excellent. Brillant. Well written and I love the story line, and how the potion didn't completely block out Kaiba's true self. I can't wait for more. I can't wait to see more from Pegasus's POV. _
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 2 . 5/17/2005
Rowan: Okay, for this chapter- wow. Short, but it packs one hell of a punch! You do Kaiba's POV very well and especially the beginning, talking about Seto's view on Pegasus was extremely in-character. And I loved it, the fact that what seto is doing, what seto is saying- none of it is him. He's being forced by the potion. Very well done on that, because believing Seto could actually change his thoughts on Pegasus would have been far fetched. Over all, excellent work!
Sakura: My favorite part was the fact that Seto really tried to resist saying words he didn't mean, but also seeing the strength of the potion was great as well. You handled the situation perfectly.
Rowan: In short, we love it!
| Rowan and Sakura chapter 1 . 5/17/2005
Rowan: I've never read Toonshipping before but this is intriguing.
Sakura: Seto...*uke*? You;ve got to be kidding.
Rowan: I doubt it. Okay, on to chapter two!
| Noche 7 chapter 1 . 4/17/2005
I like it never read anything like it before. Please continue I hope you update soon!