|Reviews for The Legend of Uzumaki Naruto: A Beginning|
| btnerb chapter 1 . 10/10/2013
A promising start, but there is one nitpicky detail I want to comment on in this first chapter.
"Naruto, who had paled slightly at the mention of the "special" training. [my emphasis] I won't go into details[end emphasis] ..."
Having the narrator (who so far has been a nonperson third party) actually speak in the first person is a real problem to me. It can be done well, but if you are going to do you are making the narrator a character of their own and need to do so consistently and regularly. So far, you have a prologue of impartial third person narration and then suddenly for a brief moment there is a person who quickly vanishes back behind an impartial third person narration. This is jarring.
My above paragraph is not as articulate as I would like, but I'm in a hurry so I'll saying it again a different way and hope one of them makes sense to you instead of fixing the above. For the entire prologue you have an impartial third person narrator, sort of like a history textbook except telling an interesting fictional story that skips all the boring bits. In the middle pf your story, for the space of a single sentence, you compromise the invisibility and impartiality of the narrator making me [the reader] wonder who this person might be. Then you go back to the invisible narrator. Either have the narrator be a person or don't use a pronoun that makes it sound like they are a person - please don't do both.
Despite my mini-rant, I thought this was a very promising start and will continue to read your story when I have the time.
| Thespurgin chapter 38 . 9/17/2013
lol nope, Sakura made a typical mistake, though it is not unthinkable that the 4th Hokage's... unique... seal (and more specifically it's attribute of slowly converting the kyuubi's chakra into naruto's chakra) was meant to turn Naruto into a human with the power of a tailed beast, or even to have him eventually shed his human form and replace the kyuubi. The second thought, however, would require that only so much chakra can be contained in the physical body... and that isn't something I personally know to be canon to naruto or not.
Fun theory though isn't it? the 4th may have married a jinchuuriki, but after foxy got loose, he decided to make sure it didn't happen again... how better than to make his own son the new kyuubi?
| Thespurgin chapter 31 . 9/17/2013
oh **** yeah! The captain got his immortal legacy in the form of a scar on the host of the kyuubi, and his ship got turned into a pile of debris!
I can't imagine what the ninja would do if they saw Naruto's abilities now, though I must admit I never expected pirates to have that kind of unnatural power.
| theguyisgai chapter 47 . 9/12/2013
Guy is for some reason the way the dub spelt Gai, it doesn't make sense but there you go. Here's your source:
| areviewtoareview chapter 15 . 9/10/2013
Just to clear things up, nobody can use water jutsus from their own body, the second hokage was a man with an incredible water affinity who could make water jutsus out of vapour
| Pyrophoricity chapter 62 . 8/31/2013
i love your story !
| Narutofanaddins chapter 47 . 7/24/2013
the spelling actually changes from mighty guy to maito gai and back through the course of the manga and anime
| CrazyScythe chapter 1 . 7/17/2013
WHY oh WHY was I not able to find this story before?! These video game fanfics are always amazing! This is the longest one I've seen so far and I hope to be able to finish! (Is there really a video game fanfic longer than 600k words?)
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 62 . 7/13/2013
I LOVED IT!
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 61 . 7/13/2013
And this ends a spectacular story.
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 60 . 7/13/2013
Rest in peace, Onyxia, queen of the Black Dragonflight.
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 59 . 7/13/2013
... ONYXIA is so cool...
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 58 . 7/13/2013
An alliance is forged!
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 57 . 7/13/2013
Oh. My. God.
Lady Prestor is Onyxia!
| Duesal Bladesinger chapter 56 . 7/13/2013
Lady Prestor... What are you up to?
I like that the Chuunin exams were actually covered!