|Reviews for How the opal was created|
| Vivi chapter 3 . 10/25/2008
This is a very sweet story. i really like it. Your writing style and voice are perfect for the tone and mood of the piece.
| Cyh Scaevola chapter 3 . 9/28/2007
XD That was AWESOME! Though there were some structural issues, the body of the work made up for it completely. It was so whimsical and sweet and sad... 8_8 stupid snake...
I've always loved opals, too...it's nice to hear a myth about them.
You should write more stuff, chiquita, not just read. You've got some serious storytelling capacity there, and you should develop it further. Write TONS of stuff, good or bad, and post it here where appropriate. Reviews an PMs are pure gold to a writer.
Hmm...glad I stopped by. I should give Iris a cameo. She makes me smile...
| Crick118 chapter 3 . 10/2/2006
Aw, it's cute, but I think it easily could've been a Oneshot. Why'd you spread it to 3 chapters?
Quote of the day: "Who knows if Clark Kent is a superman, or if he's just an asshole?" -B4S
| sophianwin chapter 1 . 7/17/2006
Hm, I don't know whether I like your use of words. For instance, the word "notorious" has a negative connotation, like, "She was notorious for laziness". "Famous" may have been a better word.
Similarly, the word "mate" sounds childish and very crude.
| Blackpen Enaru chapter 3 . 7/16/2006
how sad but sweet
| kerricarri chapter 3 . 4/21/2005
best chapter yet, and I see that my advice wasn't needed, but still, it's so good that you quickly catch on within a couple of days! and this is your first completed fic! the plot could have been detailed a bit more, or maybe you could have delved deeper into the friendship of the two and their lives after their fated meeting, but I like it this way. short, simple, right to the point, and a sweet ending with clever dialogue for the two characters and if Opalia's an original character of yours, the way you eased her into the world of Greek Mythology was clever clever clever - there! I got right to the point this time without rambling on and on getting off topic! (hopefully you didn't get all _ from my first two reviews, or was bored to death reading them... they're both pretty long, my usually length for reviews. still, I don't want to scare authors . and of course, I'm so flattered that I'm on your fav authors list with my Echo ficcy on your favorites - I feel so happy! so thankies alot, and keep writing ficcies, okie de? AHEM! okie de? (...this is where you furiously nod to the screen or back away from it from the crazy author ;;) well, it was such a pleasure to read your ficcy! hopefully you'll continue writing, although I hope to see more mythology ones! we need more cute simple myths like these in the G. Myth. section! I know, I'll make a petition... and... and go on strike! yes, I'll go on strike and parade around FanFiction demanding more fics like these... argh, I suppose I must stop myself at this point because you're probably utterly weirded out by me now... and turns out, this review ended up becoming a big rant too ;;
| kerricarri chapter 2 . 4/21/2005
oh dear! I'm so sorry if I sounded crazy in my first review -; you must have had no idea what I was talking about... ranting about some character I had named Iris. ;; sorry sorry, thought you read my other G. Myth ficcy with Iris in it... and I looked at the date you joined the lovely fanfiction community and found out you registered this month! the reason I find that so shocking and amazing is that when new fanfic authors pop up, their first ficcies are usually really n00b-ish (with authornotes stuck in everywhere... and horrible horrible blantlently obvious grammer mistakes - not you of course but *coughsomeonecoughlikecoughme* ANYWAYS *coughs* I loved how you portray the goddess of rainbows (and her flower namesake )all immature in a sweet way. and this Opalia's awesome too! beating that poor sob up because of his 'wandering lips' (loved that one line by the way) although I would have put it as 'wandering hands' OR throw that in with the whole wandering lips thing... ok KC... getting off topic again. for your first fic, it's not too bad! I've read quite a few fanfiction back in the day, which led me getting all these problems concerning schoolwork and whatnot, but I think a way to improve your writing is the overall appearence. don't get me wrong, I didn't see any major major horrid typos or grammer mistakes, but I found that it was somewhat difficult to read. just because everything's squished together. plus, a nice way to make your chapters 'longer' (or at least appear longer) is by adding line paragraphs, or adding spacing between lines. there's alot of things you can do to improve the appearence of your chapters, although I think you should at least make some paragraphs, like I mentioned before about 'line' paragraphs. paragraphs don't have to be big chunks of wording, but rather, chop it all up in a way you see fit so that the chapter will appear longer, it's easier for the reader to read, and so mean reviewers who like to flame people won't get to flame you in that area, plus when you make making paragraphs a habit in your writings, you'll eventually get better. oi... I must seem preachy right? -.-;; yeah... sorry about that. I seem to be able to stretch out a short sentence of what I want to say into one of my standerd 12 page stories. *sigh* trying to shorten my stories these days but I can't seem to do it. well, again, I love where the story's going! and don't be detered by any negative reviews, because for fanfiction authors, each word in a review is like a breath of air to an ficcy author. getting such a negative unfair review where the reviewer flames you to a 3rd degree burn is like cutting off that oxygen... or maybe this is just how I think of crazed obsessive fanfic authors...?
| kerricarri chapter 1 . 4/21/2005
wow! that was amazing! I really loved the way you described Opalia's appearence, I could easily imagine exactly how pretty she looked from your description of her! and thanks alot for your kind review! haven't gotten one for awhile so... yayness! _ but I admit, I was surprised; Iris is in the story! that's so awesome, and I think that the plot is very intriguing. I've read this fairy version of how opal came to be, but I have never heard of a myth like this! is this an original one? or are you retelling the myth? if you conjured this plot off the top of your head I'm impressed! although I have to admit... you seem to know where your story's going, because it's pretty obvious Opalia has something to do with the lovely lovely Iris . and I like her whole attitude towards her suitors and whatnot, wanting to marry for love, and not giving herself to some haughty mortal who just wants her for her looks. oh yeah! the character I created (that's later revealed as the actual goddess) was actually supposed to be a mortal. and... that fanfic of my chara Iris originally had NOTHING to do with G. Myth XD well, that's how I write I suppose... I let my ideas plot out my story. sometimes it gets a little out of hand. well, nice chatting with you! (although it's ones-sided...) but I love G. Mythology and for your first ficcy, you're starting off well! yayness for the new ficcy authors in the Community! - yes that's right, I call this great site a community! well ok... I think I'll stop ranting and get on with my life . look at me! I'm rambling away like a madwoman. -.-; ah well, but truly, I really like the originality of the storyline for this G. Myth fanfic! usually people base their myth fics off of the whole Persophone ordeal with that sicko uncle of hers (*glares at Hades*) but I suppose I like him in general... ack! I must be rambling, going on and on about this. ;; so sorry!
| Dragontiger96 chapter 3 . 4/14/2005
"Mate"? That word better corresponds in stories that involve animals or some sort of bestial instincts, what’s wrong with “wife”? Try to imagine what you would say during the Ancient Greek times; would you say mate, or wife? Not to mention “curvaceous” figure, a little unusual (and a little promiscuous) don’t you think?
Moving on to second chapter, you use the word “invective” like you just got it out of the thesaurus and stuck it as many times as possible, yet only managed twice, but so close together, it just sounds horrid.
The second chapter seems rushed, as if you were on fire while writing it. Who would believe that a goddess appeared before them right off the bat? Then become friends in less than 5 minutes? It just seems improbable. You could have played on a developing friendship storyline a little more and expanded it.
The sudden death is a little pathetic. If Iris was a goddess, she most likely had the power to heal the wound, or would have tried, being a goddess with powers and all… Ok, lets pretend that no matter what Iris couldn’t save her buddy and knew it, don’t you think Iris would have tried a little harder to save her no matter what?
“Suddenly, Iris got an idea.”—not a good insert at all. You popped from an extremely sad atmosphere into peppy cheerleader mood. I understand you need to wrap it up with an explanation, but there are ways of doing that while keeping the reader depressed about the death.
The language in your story does not flow well; those “complex” words don’t actually correspond much with the rest of the vocabulary you use and ruins what ever effect you were trying to create with them. The block paragraphs aren’t cool and make it more difficult to determine who is talking. Really, you should try making a different paragraph for every person that talk. It is one of the fundamentals of Grammar (I’m not a grammar Nazi, but such a large error is inexcusable). Lastly, did you even put any serious planning into the story before posting it? This story was rushed, short, and lacking. Next time, you should improve your planning, writing and editing skills before posting anything.