|Reviews for Lost Without Hope|
| soccergirl13 chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
Cool! Is Riku going to be in this? He's my favorite! *hugs Riku plushie* Update Soon!
| Rurouni Saiyan chapter 1 . 4/14/2005
Yay for first reviews.
Eh...hope you don't mind constructive critism. Some other girl got mad when I'd tried to help her out... *shrugs*
"They belonged to a fifteen year old silver-haired girl. Her unsually long silver hair" This is a little something called redundancy. You've already mentioned that her hair's silver, so you don't have to mention it again. Try to avoid it in the future; it takes away from the flow of a story.
"Discust" should be spelled "disgust."
"The man screamed as more shadows slashed at his back. He fell to the ground and the shadows attacked him hungrily. The screams ceased as the shadows managed to kill him." 'The shadows' gets repetitive. Try subsituting other words like 'creatures' or 'monsters.'
"Sneaked" should be "snuck." Evil English and its exceptions to the rules...
Eh, well, that's mostly grammar stuff. You've done a good job with the descriptions, though a little more will make it better. All in all, a good idea for a story, and I can't wait to see where it leads. Please don't be offended at all the criticism; I'm just trying to help.