|Reviews for Dark Paradise|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 11/10/2013
Posted 31 August 2013, at the Starwarsknights web site and the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. I was posting directly to the actual story threads, but had problems last year so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. But you on fanfiction deserve your reviews, even if I am running late. But I'm catching up as you read this!
KOTOR approaching the Unknown Planet: Revan has more to deal with than just the mission
I wonder why you have her reacting so negatively to Jolee's statement. Back in the time of Rome, one thing they added to a victory procession was a man whose entire job was to repeat, 'you too are mortal'.
In the There Will Be War anthology, there is a story where a character compares two different generals, one, whose name escapes me, and Cinncinnatus. Both were great generals, but at one point in their lives; when they were called back from retirement because of terrible need, they went different ways. They both were offered the Dictator's seat. The other man accepted, and it was one of the worst times for Rome, because he was woefully incompetent as a politician.
Cinncinnatus, the better remembered of the two, merely returned to his farm again.
The way you have her handling Jolee's comments reminded me of the bad one.
Technical note, Reentry: When a ship or for that matter an aircraft is coming in to land, the approach must be shallow. You can land by merely flying overhead and pointing it at the center, but that is also called a crash. When entering an atmosphere, you need a course that is shallow, but not shallow enough that you actually bounce back out. What you have described is an approach that is too steep instead.
In the Movie Apollo 13, Jules Bergman, who was excellent at explaining science to the brain dead who depend on television pointed out that the manual maneuvering the crew had to do from over 200,000 miles away could have been devastating. He likened the approach they had to be on (With a globe and sheet of paper) to having to hit the edge of the sheet of paper from that distance. If they aimed too high, they would shoot past with no hope of making it home, and if too steep, to burning up instead.
Except for the comments made above, the piece is up to the author's exacting standards, and well written.
| Ace of Spies chapter 14 . 10/20/2013
THAT WAS SO GOOD! *applause* AHHHH THAT WAS AMAZING!
THERE ARE LITERALLY TOO MANY GOOD THINGS TO LIST!
I only found one thing wrong, and that's Darth Plagueis wont even be born for another 4,000 years after this...
But that was so good! REVAN!
| Ace of Spies chapter 9 . 10/20/2013
0.0 Holy shit... Holy shit... Ok... So lemme get this straight. Aerin is not a real person. Well, she was but I mean the main character here. Shes just Revan but altered by the jedi counsel. But... Regardless... 'Aerin' still existed as Revan, but has a different personality and memories of someone else. But shes still Revan. So I thought Aerin just got her memories back as Revan and is now returned to her former glory, while it turns out this is only half true. Same person, but the personality is switched. Revan is back in control but the Council's puppet still exists and can continue to haunt Revan...muahahahahaha...
| Ace of Spies chapter 7 . 10/20/2013
That whole Revan thingy was too cool. Because we all were thinking that she was Aerin that we forgot that Revan was who she really was. It was interesting to say the least
| Ace of Spies chapter 6 . 10/20/2013
| Ace of Spies chapter 4 . 10/20/2013
Didnt she just get skewered? Lol i died when I heard Revan say 'Karen'
| Jen DeClan chapter 14 . 10/20/2008
WHOA-what a fight! Did it have to be Vrook that was saved? Ha-ha-I know he survived because he's in K2-emotion & angst was at top peaked range-OK, I admit I cried. HK's fight was so cool. Wow, Sasha looks like Aerin now? I will read the LS ending. This was dark and sad and totally wonderful though.
| Jen DeClan chapter 13 . 10/5/2008
Ugh-I always thought those tanks were gruesome-the fight was awesome as always. When I played the game I had my Revan destroy all the Jedi in the tanks so Malak could not power up. You might have her at least consider it even though I know the Aerin within will fight the idea, but Malak's not fighting fair so why should she? Also, the surprise of him taking Sasha was unexpected. Keep it up. You did my thing-ending on a cliff-hanger!
| Jen DeClan chapter 12 . 10/3/2008
OMG! Meatbag of the Sith! That was so funny. I needed that after the intensity of the fight and poor Bastila's guilt. I like that you have her take someone with her to fight Malak. He certainly never played fair. Awesome as always-the fight was cool and I could see it playing out in my head with that music from Return of the Jedi when Luke & Vader fight in front of the Emperor. Kudos!
| Jen DeClan chapter 11 . 9/30/2008
OK, I know people die in war, but don't kill everyone off, you! Very well written. Poor Revan's being lambasted with Aerin's compassion. Don't forget to let the good Jedi use Force powers especially Rev who would have dark side abilities as well. I know Aerin doesn't want to use dark side powers but with the numbers they face, it isn't cheating! Enjoyed as always!
| Jen DeClan chapter 10 . 9/27/2008
Ah-you killed Jolee and Zaalbar-boo hoo-that was so sad. Just one little crit-Zez-Kai Ell-that's it. Awesome as ever Battle scenes blazing with action. Makes me want to play the game again! As to Force Unleashed-if you liked Revenge of the Sith you should like it-Force powers amped up so cool. Enemy after enemy ,but nobody to help you and cut scenes. What I don't like is you have to reach a certain part of the game to save and end up repeating if you die, but I still recommend it. Thanks for the Japanese greeting. Eager to read the next chapter. Why do I think Juhani might die or NO Canderous!
| Jen DeClan chapter 9 . 9/25/2008
Every time I think you can't get any better-you do! It isn't just the fantastic action and fighting scenes at which you excell, but the angst and the canaraderie and the lovely twist when Aerin tells Revan she's still there as her conscience
Thanks for reading and commenting on my story. I never expected what has happened in it to take place. That ever happened to you? But this is all about YOU and your superb writing and I canNOT wait until the next chapter!
MTFBWY-arrigato! I hope that's right. Have you tried the Force Unleashed yet? Your fight scenes remind of the awesomeness of theirs-not copying just the power and moves.
| Jen DeClan chapter 8 . 9/22/2008
Ok, so now I know you're actually from a galaxy far far away or you wouldn't know how to fly like that. Master Vash enters the fray huh? Great scene with Carth and of course Revan who was flying so well it might make Anakin jealous. Loving this!
| Jen DeClan chapter 7 . 9/22/2008
Are you a pilot, too? Your description of revan in her craft was -here comes that word again-awesome. You kept me guessing and worried Carth would take her out before he discovered she didn't fall. HOT HOT HOT but yet still sweet lovers scene. Your description of places, people and things is dynamite. Gotta read more!
| Jen DeClan chapter 6 . 9/22/2008
Uh-oh, this does not bode well. I cannot tell you how many female Revs I've lost-mainly because I did not manage to get Carth to fall in love with them. Sigh..I see the addiction Revan is facing. Gotta go and read to see if she succumbs.