|Reviews for Could it Be?|
| Jasminevr chapter 6 . 6/18/2005
When are you going to update? It's been almost two months! I am dying of the wait!
| G-Go chapter 6 . 5/25/2005
OK, gonna start with a criticism...don't worry, it's not harhs, but I wanted to start with it so I could end with the positive stuff (which WAY outweighs my one criticism)... uh, anyway, here goes, and I hope I'm being as gentle as possible...
In terms of your writing: the past tense often switches to present tense, sometimes in the middle of a sentence, and it occasionally gets distracting.
OK, whew! There it was. Now on to the good stuff! Your strong suit really is descriptive prose. You do a terrific job of describing a scene without going overboard. Everything you wrote I could see very clearly, but you never really wasted unnecessary words. I certianly understand your letting the plot go as it flows into your mind. That's kinda how I do things sometimes. Dialoge is pretty solid, gets the point across, again, without wasting unnecessary words (I know I'm harping on a point, but I get tired of writers who feel the need to use flowery descriptions of things I don't need described to me).
Both the Josh Mankey and Bonnie scenes were quite unexpected; seemed a little dark but then I suppose it will fit in with the tone of the rest of the story. Liked the mysterious Ninja with the familiar voice, very good plot device (but then I'm partial to mysteriously familiar ninjas, so it's all good). Kim's father having an implicit trust in Ron was excellent. I think Dr. P would see Ron as practically a part of the family, so I think it was very perceptive on your part to put that in. Good job keeping Kim's cast in mind during the attck sequence; I can't tell you the number of times I've read things like "Bill lost the use of his right hand" only to read as Bill seems to effortlessly pilot planes or defuse bombs in the next scene without even a mention of his recent disability. The romance is very good without being over the top. I don't have a problem that Kim and Ron said "I love you" so soon after beginning their relationship. After all, they knew each other well enough, they probably knew fairly early whether or not it was love between them. The action sequences are good, though I also felt the torture of the twins was a bit dark (I mean, they are ten, after all), just doesn't seem like Drakken's M.O.
I think the thing I like best about this story is the first person narrative. This really allows me as a reader to get inside Kim's head, and it's a good way to relate the romantic moments without me feeling like a voyeur. Good way to tell the story.
And of course, overall you have a very intriguing story in the works. Not sure why, but the whole thing feels like it's just beginning; as though there is much more to come. I certianliy hope so, anyway. Any story worth telling is worth taking the time to tell it. I would certainly encourage you to stay with it, and don't feel like you have to rush through it.
Excellent job so far.
(P.S. Sorry if I don't get back here to review subsequent chapters for awhile. I will be busy with the sequel to REUNION in a couple of weeks. But I will try to get back and read more sometime down the road.)
(P.P.S. I hope I was able to give you the "tips" you were looking for. If not, e-mail me and I'd be happy to share with you just how I go about writing a KP fanfic...)
| Dragoness chapter 6 . 5/24/2005
I love the story, it's cute. One thing though, I never knew Bonnie to be that agressive, but it's a nice touch anyway
| Shortness chapter 6 . 5/17/2005
Hey, Im in Band too! I play flute!Emailmoua-shygurl4fly Keep the stories runnin!
| Shortness chapter 4 . 5/17/2005
HEY!You no me. Kim n' Ron 4EVR!
| Shortness chapter 3 . 5/17/2005
Go Girl!or, you could be a boy. i dont know. At the end of one of ur stories, canu tell?
| Shortness chapter 2 . 5/17/2005
OH! SO ROMANTIC!
| Shortness chapter 1 . 5/17/2005
You are so good at this for a first timer.I know how you feeltoo im postin one on 5/18 Read it!
| Backroads chapter 6 . 5/9/2005
*sigh* Wow... romance so much in that last little bit! That was beautiful, and it was so satisfying with this story so far! Oh, Ron! They are so perfect together!
I really like you have some major plots going on in this story, but how they still come off as comfortably random and intersparsed. It works, and it makes it so much fun to read!
By the way, you are a great writer. Very clean, great flow, no signs of trying too hard with too much description, and you known right when it's appropriate to make it a bit fancier in parts. Great to read!
Anyway, please update!
| Backroads chapter 5 . 5/9/2005
I don't mind darkish suspenseful! Not at all! Honey, this story is going great! You're quite talented, and I think it's great you can get a wide range of emotions in here!
| Backroads chapter 4 . 5/9/2005
My only suggestion for this chapter would be to maybe stretch it out a bit. But that could be bad. Heck, it's fine the way it is. Very dramatic. How can you torture little kids this way? (But you do it so well!)
| Backroads chapter 3 . 5/9/2005
Gah! You did drop in a plot, you brat! You kidnapped the tweebs! *cries* (sorry, i'm rather fond of Tim and Jim, as I have identical twin brothers that same age with the exact same mentality)
| Backroads chapter 2 . 5/9/2005
Teehee. Eh, I still have another four chapters to catch up, so I can wait for plot. I'm just enjoying the cuteness. Ron calling up just to check and make sure they were actually dating. So him.
| Backroads chapter 1 . 5/9/2005
Adorable beginning! Your description of the walk home is so cute! What I think I really like is the slight doubt and awkwardness Kim is feeling. It's very realistic for the situation.
| Jasminevr chapter 1 . 5/3/2005
You are great at writing! Also I do write stories in my classes to. Also I never liked Josh anyway.