|Reviews for In the Dark Room|
| Mike chapter 4 . 3/24/2011
I'm on chapter three. At first I was planning to comment on asuka's dad being a Marine or the Rahxephon reference (I got into eva fanfiction because they don't write rahxephon fanfiction), and then the reveal happened and I was like: Holy shit.
| Greenfang chapter 16 . 3/29/2010
Amazing to see a sequel! (please!)
The action and story were top class, and the characterisation of Asuka and Mariko were beautifully done.
| Sideris chapter 14 . 3/8/2010
Still a very fine and wonderful piece of fan fiction, even after all these years. Last time I read this was in '07. I still enjoy it quite a bit. Wonderful characterization and one of the best ACCs seen in the fandom. Good times. Now! Seeing as I'm four years behind the rest of the world, let me launch myself back into the present.
| iamjustanotherguy chapter 16 . 12/16/2008
This whole story is...beautiful. From beginning till end I was hooked and couldn't stop reading. I thank you for writing this. You sir are a great writer, and I envy your talent. Also is there going to be another omake chapter or something? Cause at the end you have 'Next Chapter: Our Lady of the Blueberry Waffles' and this story doesn't say 'complete' at the top...well no matter this is going on my favorites and...once again thank you for this work of literary art.
| I Burn Water chapter 6 . 8/23/2008
really like this story
| NemesisZero chapter 14 . 5/1/2008
Boy howdy, what a rush! This is how all fiction should feel.
I still can't believe you managed to make Asuka actually befriend this girl, and to do it in such a way that it comes across as genuine and almost obvious in retrospect. Well done indeed, Sir!
| dragonblack chapter 14 . 3/22/2008
I liked it, even though I wasn't in the mood for it. (I wanted an obvious and sappy happy ending story, with very little intrinsic value other than killing time) But, when it comes down to it, I'd rather have the story that Roxxes My Soxxes. My Soxxes have been Roxxed. You Have done said Soxxes Roxxesing. Be proud.
| dragonblack chapter 16 . 3/22/2008
Br is fucking weird. Also, Phyco-chick-with-Kama is one of the top ten people on my Would Shoot In The Face And Then Piss On The Corpse, up there with Gendo, Pol, the Kimer Rouge, and the fucking voice actor for Naruto. e is the leading cause of McDonald's shoot-ups in the nation.
| Raven chapter 16 . 2/22/2008
easily one of the best ive read, just the ending felt so different rom the rest. Still great
| Fresh C chapter 14 . 9/15/2007
Ah, I just reread this one. I love this last chapter. Really wraps things up. And there's just so much development there. I'm not going to go into it all because I'm tired and lazy.
With that said... I swear I'm not stalking you! Just your stories. I think they help me to see the real you.
| cheirus chapter 16 . 1/4/2007
I read all of this in one go. Wow, you must have had FUN writing this... is the only conclusion I can make upon finishing this.
OK. I start off by saying I really liked this piece. Now I'm gonna list all the pros and cons like a good reviewer should :P
-Grammar/spelling was top-notch. I noticed few errors.
-Characterization was very good. This piece is filled with a bunch of really small, very creative moments that add realism to it. I can really picture your characters standing there like real people. More importantly, I found myself caring out every one of them. Even the psycho axe-murderess. (Is it wrong to say especially the psycho-axe murderess...?)
-I really liked that you took the Eva characters somewhere. The characters genuinely CHANGED because Mariko was added to their lives and disrupted the uneasy equilibrium that existed before her arrival.
-Imagery was outstanding. I mentioned before that you strung together a bunch of small little moments that accrued synergystically into a wonderful thing. When I try writing it never comes out that good (which is why I never publish anything... )
-Converstations were so... lively. Interesting. It felt real in that they really didn't seem like they had a purpose. People talk in real life about random things. And yet these small random things all show something about the character. And you really do very well with the dialogue (having sections which are entirely made up of dialogue made this point very clear). Whenever I write, I tend to do more description because natural, interesting, and poignant dialogue like this never comes easily to me.
-The plot was kinda... well... simple. Mariko snapping like she did at the end sorta came out of nowhere. Sure, you showed the reader some scary pictures, made Mariko out to be some sort of crazy stabby person with a smile, but it all looked OK there for a while, and in the span of a chapter of two, it all sorts of breaks apart without warning. You make up for it with some thrilling horror/slasher writing, but I felts as if the piece would have been even BETTER if you'd developped Mariko's insanity even more. As it stood, it all was dropped on us like a conspicuous sack of potatoes. The plot twist about the angel clone thing, though, was awesome. That should have been the main plot surprise in that section, IMHO.
-The Silence of the Lambs reference at the end at the institution. What it did was juxtapose Mariko with Hannibal, and the beautiful character you created, built up, and finally tossed into the looney bin didn't deserve that sort of treatment. Sure, the slasher scene with Asuka was vaguely like the opening scene from Red Dragon, but both characters have very different engines underneith the hood. That cognitive dissonance and bad associatation just bothered me... a lot... on some level. Probably would have been better to have created even more characters in that instance in order to avoid all the character baggaged that comes with the Hannibal Lecter reference.
And... that's it! Hope this motivates you in some way. You're an excellent writer, and I can tell that you enjoy writing on some level... at least, you enjoyed writing this piece. As a final comment, I was wondering if you ever watched the horror movie "Peeping Tom"? The serial killer in that film uses a movie film camera to tape his victims as he kills them and gains sexual pleasure from it. The corrolary to your fanfic should be obvious. I'll skip the unavoidable and blatantly obvious Freudian analysis, but I was wondering why you chose Mariko to be female?
Anyways, hope to see more stuff from you soon!
| sedemihcrA chapter 14 . 10/8/2006
Hateful Gaijin Shrew. Every so often you come out of the blue with one of these lines that cracks me up. I mean I stop reading it's so bad. And God, if there was ever a more Kensuke-Asuka conversation, was this ever it!
I have no real complaints. You spelled Mariko "Maiko" once. I gave up on looking for anything else because I was too enthralled. What a trip! A happy-sad combo strangely reminicient of NTR.
Sweet, gross, nuts, and endearing. You have yourself a veritable Eva salad in this fic. Nothing fell short. Nothing felt clipped or easy. Nothing was to confusing. Everything was pulled off with elegance, realism, and care. You must care about your fiction a lot, to write this way. The characters feel so real that they jump off the page and pummel me. And you know what I realized is really fucked up about this story just now? Shinji, of all people, is the audiance's emotional ballast. Everyone else has their manics and depressives (and man are both ends tasty when you let us see them) but Shinji is like the only person handling his shit. I didn't realize that at first but it's weird now. Of all the people you'd imagine as messed up, Ikari has somehow come out normal.
Mariko is a joy on the page and she jumped me nicely between fear, revulsion, and pity in a frighteningly manipulative way. The way you wrote her, really letting us empathize with her, comes off as if she really is a serial killer; I was literally nervous through some of her conversations with Asuka.
Asuka is of course at her best in this fic. She's by no means perfect which, I think, is proper but she hasn't become a pushover. There's still some spark. There's weakness, the pathos I came to love about her character through the series, but at the same time you're really rooting for her; you want to be pissed at her for saying what she says sometimes, and then you remember she's living with a knife-weilding maniac.
Maya was a really intriguing mix of Misato, Fuyutsuki, and Maya from the series. Not to say she was OOC, it's just the way you built her up really turned her into something new and exciting, perplexing even. All of her parts were really fun; that punch felt really, really good.
I'm glad you kept Yukie. She was sweet in her own manic way and her character's strong will really made more sense to me after her admition to Asuka.
Anyways, in summary a lovely tale. I'm having trouble reconciling how much I love NTR with this; they're like two beautiful women duking it out in my head and I don't want to cheat but damn if they don't both seduce me! I could go on for ages about all of the beautiful touches you've worked in here. Perhaps sometime when we sit down and have a real conversation I'll point out all my favorite bits. Incredible stuff, you dog. Keep putting pen to paper-all that ever seems to come out is glistening hot fiya.
| Wyrm chapter 1 . 10/6/2006
You know, normally I don't go for "gore and guts" type horror, but the way you wrote Asuka's nightmare really got to me.
| sedemihcrA chapter 9 . 9/29/2006
Sorta cheated. I couldn't help myself. So good... I like the absolutely insane back-and-forth you've created for Shinji and Asuka. I thought their cute "tit for tat" attitude at the beginning of the book would remain. But then you introduce a serial killer and one can see how Asuka might just be a LIL stressed out. I feel bad for her. And yet, I'm kind of angry at her. It's kind of confusing because you've made Mariko Buick a very lovable character at her best and an absolute nightmare at her worst. Plus I'm sure there's some weird love triangle connections which introduces al sorts of other fucked up elements.
It is interesting that underneath all of the malice is a genuine concern for Shinji's physical wellbeing... now if only she could pair that with a concern for his emotional wellbeing rather than letting the stress out in these less creative ways.
I'm rambling sorry. Your story just makes me think a lot. I'm sort of torn between edge of my seat thriller and wincing at the painful emotional angst. Kind like the back and forth you've set up with Normal to Reality. You seem to relish in some really emotionally fucked up situations. It's really where you hit your stride I think. I'll probably gobble the rest of this up in a week or so.
Another favorited story by Midnight Cereal, man this is starting to look biased or something... well, you deserve it.
| sedemihcrA chapter 4 . 9/27/2006
You used "wreak" instead of "reek." This is my only complaint. Honestly this story took a step off the deep end of the creepy pool this chapter in a way I did not expect for quite a lot of reasons. But shit, she's an Eva pilot. Of course she's going to be fucked up somehow, but that fucked up? That I did not expect.
Now Asuka needs to kick some serious ass. SERIOUS ASS. I mean, she's not going to let Shinji get murderized (did I pick that verb from you?) so clearly she needs to get section two to kick her schizo-serial killin ass. I mean, unless this is all somehow part of NERV's plan in which we can just take the "wtf" to a whole new level. Awesome chapter. Awesome story.