|Reviews for Strange World|
| The Delphox Of Delphi chapter 2 . 4/25/2005
Hm...very interesting on many levels...sorta makes me think a lot... Well written but it confuses me somewhat...maybe because i'm was once extremely a pro-pokemon, anti-digimon fan, which meant I'm actually mot well versed in digimon but hey...i was deluded then.
I'll be interested to see how it unfolds
| Kitmehsu chapter 2 . 4/24/2005
Nice job on the re-write. This time it feals more like it has a direction. I like the how you made the aftermath. however, your cliffhangers are nerve wrecking. On a side note, your orgianal story was the one that brought me to FFN
| James6 chapter 2 . 4/22/2005
Very nice. A gentle introduction into the story, just enough to keep us focused and not going too fast.
I can't wait to see more into Liam and Tara's characters. They seem like an interesting hero/heroine combo.
| Alforce Zero chapter 2 . 4/22/2005
Excellent story, Gerjo. You provide detailed descriptions when Tara, Liam and Maria are in their digimorph forms, but I don't see any description of Tara and Liam yet. Hopefully you'll provide the description in later chapters, such as eyecolor, hair, body size etc. That would be great.
I like the Digimon forms you have chosen for them. Renamon and her evolutions are one of my favorite. I don't know about Mikemon's evolution line, but it will be a surprise for us when you come to that part (assuming that they will digivolve while being digimorphs.)
The flow of this story is good too, and you end this chapter with a cliffhanger. Suspenseful one too; I wonder what will happen next.
| Dark Qiviut chapter 2 . 4/21/2005
Hi there. I remember you. You were the dude who reviewed Alforce Zero's story, weren't ya? Plus, your story looked interesting, so I decided to come by and see.
I must say, you have a knack of keeping us on our toes. Not only with the prologue, but with that evil cliffhanger. *laughs evilly* Man, if there was any form of evilness from you, this was it. Make another one once you can.
I do have some constructive criticism for ya. Part of your work seemed to be a bit choppy. Here's what I mean... (Prologue...)
( Tara’s mother seemed very distracted. She couldn’t look at her daughter. Tara felt worse than ever. Her mother spoke. )
Here's another area... (from Ch. 1)
( The boy was restless. “This is killing me! We need to go out and see what’s going on!” Liam shouted. He started to pace around the room. )
It would work better like this.
( The boy was restless. “This is killing me! We need to go out and see what’s going on!” Liam shouted and began to pace around the room. )
Fluent writing isn't too easy. However, the easiest way to make things flow, in my view, is to say the chapter, story, or section of a story out loud. Therefore, you can figure out where the corrections are.
Other than that, I see nothing else to fix. It's nicely written. It's descriptive and suspenseful. You also used a dosage of vocabulary in there as well as used other words other than "said" or "asked" to describe their dialogue. That makes a story really interesting and entices the readers.
In other words, you remind me of other great writers I've come across, such as SilvorMoon, Silver1, & NetRaptor. You oughta read these fanfics; they're awesome.
(Note: NetRaptor's fics are usually Sonic the Hedgehog fanfics.)
Keep up the good work, Gerjomarty. I'll be following you and this story here very closely.
P.S.: I'm not sure if this is too much to ask, but do you mind reading my fics once you have the time? Catch ya later!
| the blank pen chapter 2 . 4/21/2005
Well I truly like the plot concept. And really, how could I not, it is from Somtaaw.
You did a good job taking it through though, Gerjo. Very descriptive, and certainly a unique approach to this concept. My only suggestion would have been to have your main characters struggle more with what happened to them. REALLY get into their emotions and distraught over this. Over than that GREAT job. I'll be looking foward to reading more.
Would you mind, reviewing mine?
| James6 chapter 1 . 4/21/2005
Excellent. I'm glad you have continued writing.
This is well done thus far. You keep the reader informed of the goings-on around with brief descriptions and good language. Just be careful not to overdo it and put in too much. You've managed to get a good balance.
It seems like a good start too. Good spot to end it. You might want some character descriptions too, so we know who our heroes are and what they look like.
Hope for more soon!