|Reviews for Journey's End|
| Animercom chapter 5 . 5/29
I simply loved this story! To think that Sojiro would find a place to possibly settle down at and a girl to possibly (at least I really hope he does) fall in love with in just one year of traveling instead of Kenshin's ten years... Sojiro is very lucky indeed. As a reader, I was sad that you killed off Shimizu, but as a writer I think you did a great job getting the reader to like him before killing him. His death would have meant nothing if the readers didn't like him. I liked Chizuru a lot, but I think a little bit more emphasis on her compassion and love and respecting the value of life of others would make her an even better foil to Sojiro, giving her more to teach Sojiro about life and emotions in addition to her ability to cry. That's just my opinion, though and I realize highlighting such aspects would be difficult after she almost committed suicide. Speaking of, I died when Shimizu began to not trust Sojiro because he held Chizuru! I loved this story and would be extremely happy to read a sequel, if you ever write one. :)
| thelazyreader chapter 5 . 5/4/2009
Excellent fic. You made a perfect closure to Soujiro's story. It'd be the cherry on top on the cake if you wrote an epilogue showing how he and Chizuru ended up, but you say you can't write actual romance...
| Vooogomoh chapter 2 . 2/25/2008
For a moment I thought you were referring to Raikōji Muneiwa (family name Raikōji, given name Muneiwa - the family name is "Raikoji" if your computer does not display macrons), who appeared in the Rurouni Kenshin pilot story.
| donut chapter 5 . 3/17/2007
one word. WOW!
| TrisakAminawn chapter 5 . 1/21/2007
Oh, good! It all works out. You only killed off the really icky bandit, too, and went and redeemed the rest, especially the one who entered in the first chapter trying to rob the main character in a violent fashion. And Soujiro has somewhere to stay, which it was estabished he rather wanted back in the first chapter. When I say details, I don't just mean historical authenticity - though you do nicely there, of course - but making things line up and make sense with no fuss and very few holes, and not leaving out the little morsels like...hm...rain, and bruises, and making clear that somebody's had a stroke with a couple of overheard words...that kind of thing.
| TrisakAminawn chapter 2 . 1/21/2007
I don't think he'd have the general body strength to carry all that rice, either. Yeah, I always thought her was about eighteen. Or maybe nineteen, which would give us three characters who retired at nineteen. Mm. Got another review reply now.
Wow, guilt. He's such a strange person. Not for feeling guilty about not helping the kid, but for letting himself be a prisoner this way. Doesn't he realize there's every likelihood they'll execute him, and after letting them call him a bandit this long he has no chance of being cleared? Well, yes, he realizes at least the second one. But he's having no reaction. The most emotional he's gotten apart from bouts of disliking himself is disappointment at having to go when things were getting interesting. He really does have a long way to go.
| TrisakAminawn chapter 1 . 1/21/2007
Detail and more detail. But a good all-round shape, too. Hm. So far I'm not getting a clear sense of who your Soujiro is - and really, everyone creates their own when they write him, because we don't get far inside his head and it's all changed around anyway. He's not bad at all, or in any way out ofcharacter,it's just that you don't seem to have made any decisions and it's keeping his character a little off. Hm. I liked the design of the rich kid, and I liked the way Soujiro dealt with the bandits. Why are you using his surname, by the way?
Yes, you're hearing a lot from me. I like review replies, and I like writers who keep their work under control. Sue me.
| Clorinda chapter 5 . 9/24/2006
Hmm, *very* interesting and well-done, but why did you refer constantly to him as "Seta?" Usually, I'd assume the writer was trying to detach him from her voice, but you went into depth about his emotions. I couldn't find a reason that fits as to why you don't use his first name. Could you please explain?
The first chapter was, in a word, "engaging." I haven't read that many Soujiro As a Wanderer fics, mostly because the first chapter didn't promise much. This one was definitely *very* good. On the road for a year, and he still accepts everything, and at the same time, has doubts. (But he *should*— I always thought he was a cad to abandon Shishio when he was most needed.)
Uriu's story and what followed was brilliantly done.
"That hadn’t been arrogance in the boy’s voice, but desperation."
Soujiro's realizations are brilliant and poignant, in how Shishio's dead voice rings in his ears, and yet it is proved wrong over and over again.
[Seta felt obscurely guilty for having slept. He wished he could have told the man that he had no intention of escaping, so Beppo could have slept too, but why should Beppo believe him?]
It reminded me of Salinger's "The Catcher in the Rye," and that grip on pathos. A genuinely touching line.
I liked Shimizu also. He struck me as, well, *decent*. He was more or less like the paragon of virtue and strength that samurai should be, but he wasn't idealistic or naïve, or anything. He understood in a way, I guess, Soujiro wouldn't run. Faith. Or at least, that's the impression I get. ::looks sheepish:: Anyway, I really liked the guy. Excellent characterisation. Kudos.
Oh, Soujiro murdered his family with a wakizashi? Oops, I didn't remember very clearly, and I was convinced Shishio gave a kid his katana. I've been wondering for the past couple of years how a six-year-old kid could even hold on up ... heh.
And again I don't remember, but did Soujiro *specifically* decide to wander until he found answers?"
I like Chizuru Muneiwa; a very believable girl.
Only if you were trying to recreate a daimyo's house, there were just two discrepancies, both in the last chapter.
It made no sense for the prosecutor to say Chizuru Muneiwa, when according to the date, her family name comes first. And secondly, I thought it might be unlikely that the old Muneiwa would understand English, so wherein lies the wisdom of calling her "Miss Muneiwa?"
But I liked the bandits, for reason. (Gombei reminded me a lot of Gohei, only I guess he was a little more likeable, relatively speaking, but Gombei's variety of snarls are delightful.) I suppose I like decency in people, and that's what they were.
I liked Kanagawa too. Possibly not the most attractive, but I *love* his composure.
"Seta felt his eyes go wide. ... He’d never had a job come begging for him before."
A distinctly interesting way of putting it, I must say. And I liked the ending; it was very believable. I would have liked him to pick up and be on his way, but hey, even the Tenken deserves his scrap of happiness.
| Petitejam chapter 5 . 8/27/2006
Dang that was good! Loved the characterization of Souji, had hoped it wouldve been a bit longer. Fight scenes were mad by the way. Is there a sequeal to this? There should be! Fantastic fic!
| hadbeenworking chapter 5 . 8/12/2006
“Someone once told me I had to live on, and find my own answers. I think that was one of them.” - Very, very good.
I just read this story in one fell swoop and I must say I'm impressed. I not only enjoyed the way the story was written (good style, I liked it) but Soujiro's state of mind/POV as well. I very much agreed with both of them - a year isn't enough for monumental changes, and if there were any such changes it made more sense for them to be afterthoughts or simply there in theory. Which is why I liked the way he remembered Kenshin's words a split second later than Shishio's, the way he realized the fact that he was wrong to not follow and help out Uriu (even if at the time his choice seemed quite justifiable), and his reasoning in deciding to stay and help Chizuru.
Apart from how he reacted to the world outside (a ‘watcher’, with popcorn in his hands, like you said in one review anwer) I liked the reactions he had to his own thoughts and memories, to the falling rain and to the sunlight outside; how the memory of Senkaku's death made the room and air around him seem confining; how he kept on the smiling act/defense. I loved the fact that he felt vaguely guilty that Beppo had not slept in order to guard him and that he admired Muneiwa 's strength of will and the fact that Chizuru could cry ("To be able to cry when you want to…it’s a gift" - *sigh* beautiful)
I commend your use of 'Seta' throughout the story - it somehow keeps the reader away from the real him, even if we know his thoughts and feelings, and puts across the idea that he is detached, going through life without being part of it. Even the narrator keeps him at a distance, and since the narrator is his voice then he basically keeps himself at a distance; his own type of estrangement is emphasized this way. (well, that’s one way of seeing thngs)
So yes, I think you handled Soujiro admirably. But you also had a very good array of OCs. I liked Shimizu - he was a well built character, the samurai of old; he interacted interestingly with Soujiro and he died well (I 'agree' with his death, it was realistic, and also needed for the story). Chizuru had very good reactions throughout all chapters considering her upbringing and the ordeal she had gone through, and I could understand Beppo, as well as the 'black and blue' samurai. Gombei and Kanagawa too. I think what I liked the most about your OCs was that they were individualized, they had something in them that made them people, not just puppets with a name.
Yup, I had a good time reading this. Thanks for sharing!
| Meri Kaisla chapter 5 . 7/24/2006
Okay, I already confessed that I'm a hypocrite, so I feel no remorse saying this story is 'nice'. Fun idea to put Sou-chan in the same story with Chizuru :D And I already said it, but: I REALLY like the way you write Sou-chan. Everyone is so lost with him ;)
| Meri Kaisla chapter 2 . 7/24/2006
"Seta let his shoulders slump in disappointment. It was just getting interesting again and he had to go."
| Meri Kaisla chapter 1 . 7/24/2006
Why is it that every time I visit your profile I find a new (old) story I never noticed before? :D I really like the way you write Sou-chan.
| Warg chapter 5 . 7/19/2006
The entire chapter has a sense of finality..
As i'v said before, your pacing amazes me.. the way the entire chapter unfolded..the trial in its formal bounds, the twists, and the revelations..
The character sketces are interesting... the ronin and bandit leader, the judge and the daimyo are at strong contrasts.
Soujiro remembering his days with shishio in a productive light was a good addition..
Chizuru is a bit "girly" .. but perhaps what Soujiro needs is the tenderness and the simple love..
The ending was soft and sweet..
This was a great read
| Warg chapter 4 . 7/19/2006
Once more a strong chapter...
Shimizu's death is stark and clear, wat a catch to the story though, i was beginning to like him.
Your characters and Soujiro all stand realistic and defined.. the detail and the dialogue accents them.
The action in the chapter is the proper dosage, doled out expertly..
Beppo's reaction is interesting.. and soujiro's is predictable.
Once more, his answers are still far..
I can't believe the story is already nearing its end :(