|Reviews for Llyraen in action...|
| Sylvana chapter 4 . 11/21/2007
A word to the wise: don't just dump information on your readers. I think that perhaps you could try to look over the first chapter of your story, and perhaps revise it. Try to make the insertion of Llyraen more subtle, and try to show some inter-character dynamic. Also, you don't have to just tell us a whole bunch of stuff about Llyraen. It's actually better if you don't. Insert her likings and dislikes and hobbies into parts of the story, slowly, naturally. You can make use of conversations between characters for that. Also, you need to develop the character better. Details are nice and all, but it's better if you show the readers, rather than tell them. And yes, Sarima was right, she does seem a lot like a Mary Sue. (Indefinitely unlimited power, stunning looks, not really realistic. Ergo, try to make her more believable. Find a way to let your readers be able to relate to her.)
)Feel free to email me and scream if you feel that this in any way unfair.
| storylistener chapter 3 . 4/30/2007
So far, this is very interesting. I'm really enjoying it! I have to go now, but I'll be back to read more later.
| faeriesinger chapter 8 . 7/24/2005
Nice. I was beginning to wonder if anyone was going to write in the SERRAted area. Honestly though, it really isn't too bad.
| gggg chapter 1 . 9/9/2003
First thing, I don't do reviews! Now with that out of the way, I would like to say the story is great so far, But you gotta continue it, cause this is only half the tale.
MORE! PLEASE! Don't make the first rreview I've ever written be for nothing.
| Evar chapter 8 . 9/2/2003
I love your story... So far I've only found 2 (including yours) SERRAgated Edge fanfics! What's wrong with everybody? I love the SERRAgated Edge Series! Write more soon!
| Tierl chapter 8 . 2/28/2002
Love it! There isn't nearly enough fiction in this series! (Same for the Bard's Tales Series)
Serrated edge rocks!
| Hiron Otsuki chapter 8 . 1/25/2002
Finally! It's about time someone wrote somethin with SERRA. Nice job, and please RR my stories!
| jinxie chapter 7 . 11/1/2001
woohoo a date for al finally
| Alex chapter 6 . 9/26/2001
I loved it! It was great. I hope you write more about it. I really like the way you fit Al into it. He's one of my favorite elves. Keep Writing and Good Luck!
| addraving chapter 1 . 9/10/2001
I love the SERRA books. I wish there were more of them and I loved what you wrote. I think it's great!
| James W chapter 6 . 9/9/2001
Great story so far! I've read the SERRAted Edge Series, and I think it's great that someone wrote fanfic for it. It seems everyone writes about Valdemar or something similar, and more power to 'em, but this is what I prefer. I have noticed, to my utter happiness, that you paid attention to details from the books instead of just giving vague descriptions of people and places. I do have one small suggestion. See if you can work Joe into an upcoming chapter. He's an interesting character; I think he would work well here. I really hope to read more soon. Keep up the good work!
| Clayr chapter 6 . 6/5/2001
Huzzah and praise the gods that be! A new chapter hath arrived! *snorts at the soon-to-be smitten/flustered Al* He has noooo idea of what's gonna happen to him if he goes after her. *chuckles* Great race scene, Seaeyes. You're good at those.
| Dani chapter 2 . 5/6/2001
This isn't a flame sweetie, please take this as a constructive critisism - and to be honest, I only read the first two chapters. What I first noticed is that Llyraen is a bit too perfect. Apparently she is super beautiful, super intellegent, and 'falls' far too close to perfection. She is like a combination of all the things that we know and love about our favorite characters. Give her some faults when you finish this story.
| wren chapter 1 . 5/2/2001
very nice. descriptives, plot, sentence variety. Needs a little work on the fighting, and some cleaning up in the spelling/punctuation/grammer, but certainly worth the effort. And the only one to write about Mercedes other wonderful books, besides Valdimar, at least so far.
| FaerieNYC chapter 1 . 4/17/2001
Ignore "Death to all", he/she didn't read everything written and is probably an idiot who envy those who can write or someone who doesn't understand about copyright regulations.
further reading says, and I quote: " The release, however, is not valid for online fiction, only for printed fiction. As far as I am aware (as of 6th July '94) there is no way of getting permission to release fiction in Misty's world(s) online."
this is a matter of printing and publishing copyrights. not about writing fan fictions. Whoever "death to all" is need to read about copyrights and the right for freedom of speeck (which applies to "online" fan fictions.
so continue writing, yer doing well!