Reviews for Broken Metronome
letthefirefly chapter 1 . 1/3/2013
That line really brought the story together. Deep. Nice job.
That being said, I am now going to read Clouded Sk
Omega chapter 1 . 6/13/2012
Futility! The embodiment of life. Some lives more than others.

Very insightful, and to my knowledge, extremely original. Have to favorite this one too... If I ever get the computer.
meri47 chapter 1 . 12/17/2010
Nice use of musical vocabulary, I play Piano; but I've never heard half of those words you threw up.

Keep up the good work, and happy holidays!
Starburstia chapter 1 . 6/1/2010
accurate, I think.

sorry for this again, but damn you're good.
R0-S3 chapter 1 . 5/23/2009
This is just... wonderful. There's no other way to describe it. I love the way you used musical terms and references for so much of it... that tied it all together, somehow.

Metronome is a fickle attack, yes. I've always wondered about a pokemon's ability to control it... I like that, even though it's possible for the clefable to control it, she loses her ability to do so.

...I actually understood this, and that's rare for me. Wonderful. Just wonderful.
Ryan Libra chapter 1 . 1/30/2009
As a musician (even if not professionally and only by hobby), the use of terms found in music immediately drew me in. They were quite appropriate. Though with the part about the "staccatissimo scurryings" of the Ariados, I personally think that "staccato" would suffice. No need to be superlative about it, since we're talking about a scampering bug. It also offers a more familiar term for readers. But that's just me. :D

IMO, the fic generally had a pondering tone, and it really fit.

I liked the titles you made up for the various musical pieces. It shows that the author took the extra mile to make the fic more creative and real. :D

Hmm... I suppose the disturbance in coordination came about from a conflict of her wish with reality. She was used to the dance of battles, one that was heavily influenced by following a pokemon trainer's orders. You've shown that she has always been trapped: first in the egg, then in the pokeball. Unfortunately for her, and as you pointed out, the dance she wanted to do required innocence and freedom, something that I don't think she remembers, or perhaps even experienced.

The narrative then shifted to how she became familiar with the rhythm of battle. Unfortunately for her, I think that it was here when her incapability to learn the moon dance became final.

I like your description of the metronome attack, that it "plucked at the strings that held the world together, running across time in their endless array." Again, you showed its unpredictability by using musical terms, which was brilliant.

So, in the end, she lost control, huh? Except for that last attack, which seemed the only thing she had left. And it just had to be wish.


Encore! Or, as we sometimes scream when we feel like being appreciatively rowdy, "MOAR! MOAR!" xD

~Ryan L
Damned Lolita chapter 1 . 11/10/2007
My goodness, poor Clefable. I liked this, especially with the 'tick-tock' bits added. Very haunting.
Melau of the Dragon People chapter 1 . 10/1/2005
Oh, so sad, but I loved it.

I just wanted to hug the poor little Clefable...
Catachresis chapter 1 . 8/29/2005
Clefairy is my favorite pokemon, has been since I first shoved a Pokemon Red cartridge into a black-and-white gameboy. This is what first drew me to the story.

I especially like your description of Metronome as a fickle attack. With its ultimate randomness it's a risk that not many trainers take, and because of its improbability it's not betted to win a battle.

And so the Clefable tries to tame it. I think. Metronome seems rationalized. When Clefable describes the move, she (through a 3rd person POV) says certain speeds dictate which attack will launch. It seemed to rationalize Metronome beyond the point of randomness, since there was a factor to control the attack launched. Then Clefable is shown to have little control of the tempo of Metronome. I don't know whether this is because she's losing her gift, or whether she never had complete control in the first place.

The story seems a little like 'Call of the Wild' to me, strictly because of Clefable's wish to return to the untamed and natural state of her brethren.

I believe the cause of Clefable's failure is her attempt to control the dance. She relates the dance to nature-which, as a hatched pokemon, she was never in full touch with-and she tries again and again to fall into rhythm. I think, that by worrying so much about the specifics, she gets so caught up that she can't enjoy the dance, which is all it takes to sway to it.

Nice touch by making the rhythm of the Clefairy dance the actual rhythm of a waltz, 3/4 time. It's a small detail, but as someone who knows a bit about music, it was a nice authenticity to add.
Roxy Parkington chapter 1 . 5/28/2005
Only a story this moving can make it into my favorite stories list, and I'm happy to say that this story will be filed there. This one-shot is beautful and truly captures the essence of a Pokemon you rarely think about. Awesome work!

Cytrus chapter 1 . 5/24/2005
After the incredible "Was, Is, Will Be" I knew I had to read your other stories. It came as an unpleasant surprise that so much time would pass before I could once again enjoy one of your works.

The fic begins with a downward tendency, with glimmers of a desperate need for the other direction. Climatically, it's well done.

"the clefable scrambling desperately to realign them." - This part of a sentence worries me, as it does not fit. It introduces a physical action where one surely does not take place. More importantly, it gives the whole scene a short moment of physical dynamism, which it doesn't need at all, as it does greatly with the psychological dynamism.

Also, the "Tick…tock…tick…tock…" starts appearing, but is understandable, for the time being, because of the context. That'll be more important later.

Slipping into the past is done pretty nicely, and flows smoothly.

The Clefable's recollections may be the only faulty part of the fic. Somehow, they appear lacking and not selective enough. For the greatest effect, one would expect a sublime dialogue between "now" and "then" creating the final emotional background. As it is, it appears dry, although not incorrect in any form.

Both your battle and pokemon-only mechanics descriptions are top-tier. The amount of life you can put in a simple concept is amazing.

"One-two-three, One-two-three, One-two-three" appears and takes up where its predecessor left off.

The dryness continues to appear and disappear, though in the moon dance scene, the most importance one, it is not to be found at all.

The story then returns to its downward tendency, but this time with both tick-tock and one-two-three, both of them losing context and taking on a new form.

The conclusion comes, but as it does, the two threads: the tick-tock of present and the one-two-three of the past come together and create a sight.

A wish - a possibility - a future.

Summarizing, I cannot omit how different this work is from the first one I read. And, even more so, how similar they are. Your achievements continue to grow in my eyes. Great work - again.

As always, send any possible comments to

~ Cytrus
PNEK MEKS chapter 1 . 4/26/2005
Wow...beautiful...sorry this isn't signed...i was too lazy to sign in. But this was beautiful! I feel for that little clefable! I liked your use of musical terms. Very well done!

VulpixTrainer chapter 1 . 4/26/2005
Now this was agian bueatufully done, in fact the piece was done to the feel of a song, it begins and as it goes along it speeds up then it slowly comes to an end and the adiuance is left cotemplating and basking in the afterglow of the song, it is the same with this story, in fact all stories can be compared to a song in one way or another. well put and to the point.
ImJessieTR chapter 1 . 4/25/2005
This story was amazing.

It should be required reading in a music class.

Such a wonderful, if very sad, tale...
Pata Hikari chapter 1 . 4/25/2005
Well...again, you are the master of Pokemon one-shots.

Very deep, very depressing. Poor Clefable...
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