|Reviews for Sword of Blood|
| Pen-Name-Kitsune-chan chapter 1 . 1/16/2008
great story so far
a few suggestions: Your flow's great, but there are some areas that could use a bit of improvement. If this is drama, try adding a bit of emotional and physical descriptive detail. Some thing like: "The air was still, the scent of blood permeating everything. Every breath he took, every where he looked, was filled with death. Thousands of them, his allies, his friends, some his enemies, but still people he respected, all dead. Never to wake up again. Never to go home and see their families."
Also, although this isn't really an issue, since your grammar's better than most I've seen, you might want to proof read your chapters a bit better. A beta-reader would be able to help.
It's also generally a good idea to aim for longer chapter lengths. 1,0 words is a good minimum,and for simplicity's sake 5,0 is a nice max. Maybe update less frequently in order to have longer updates.
Don't get me wrong. These are minor issues, and your story's awesome as it is. Amazing and original plot idea, and plot, as long as you can keep it from drying up, is the meat of a story. Most people I know can't even tell the difference between good and bad grammar, so all that's a moot point.
One teensy suggestion: When someone thinks, put it in its own paragraph, like you would speech. Also try to set it apart from the rest of the text. Most people, myself included, tend to use italics to detonate thoughts, dreams, and emphasized words.
I hope that wasn't too harsh. I try to avoid insulting people, and to provide solely constructive critisism.
Can't wait to read more! Update soon!
| The Fanfic Phantom chapter 1 . 6/20/2005
I've got a word to discribe your chapter. I enjoyed but it's how can I say without being rude? Well it's short.
But keep updating I LOVE The last Samurai.
| Nienna Rose chapter 1 . 5/8/2005
Good news is that this little itty bitty paragraph isn't bad despite the errors. It looks like you have potential here for a good story but that's kinda the bad news too. It's way to short to be a story or even a prelude and there are some errors you should fix.
Taigon stood at the edge of the gorge staring down at the thousands who lie (LAID) there. All died. No one had survived, say (SAVE) one. And that was why Taigon felt so guilty. Me that (THE) only survivor, When (SMALL W FOR WHEN) so many other men had fought? Why me? Taigon bowed his head. (NO PERIOD BETWEEN THESE SENTENCES) And wept. He could not keep the tears back. He was too sad, too tired and to (TOO) broken. So he sat there and wept until the darkness took him and time became a sea.
I like the last part, time became a sea kinda has a nice feel to it. Btw who's Taigon? And how is he the only survivor when Nathan survived? Well good luck.