|Reviews for Osama's Last Stand|
| Wrathanet chapter 1 . 10/25/2013
That is some intense stuff. I actually almost missed a lecture because I was too busy reading this.
I mean, yeah, all the real-life personalities are way overblown (and by "all" I mean Bush), but it's not too distracting. What was a bit distracting was how the attacks went for precisely the same targets as before (Kim Possible excluded, although I'm sure we'll find out why she's considered a threat now). I mean, pentagon and New York are understandable since they worked in 2011, but the ones sent to the Capitol failed. Shouldn't they have picked new targets?
In any case, I'm definitely going to keep reading.
| HubbleHugger2011 chapter 15 . 10/20/2011
I already knew a good number of the terms listed here, but appreciated learning more about some of them and finding out about those I did not have a clear understanding. Thanks to you and others who contributed to making things clearer for the rest of us.
By the way, before signing off, I must also claim a "mea culpa" regarding my review of chapter 14. I was recently forcefully reminded that it is not a "Trans-Dimensional Vortex Inducer", but a "Pan Dimensional Vortex Inducer"; my only weak attempt at excuse-making is to remark that another PDVI "explosion" might have temporary scrambled my brains, but I'm not sure that even I would really buy that story. Apologies to all who already know better AND to those who are learning more about KP's universe(s) from the reviews of the KP stories...
| HubbleHugger2011 chapter 14 . 10/19/2011
This is my first review since joining , and I will do my best to make it a good one. Having said that, “let’s roll…”
To paraphrase a canonical character, and summarize an entire review in one sentence: “This story rocks!” The you have done a really good job of creating a AU that is neither our own reality or the official canon KP universe, but a truly fascinating mixture of the two (the possible aftermath of a trans-dimensional vortex inducer accident, perhaps?). I fully enjoyed every part of the story, even the disturbing parts. Of course, I also appreciated the concerns of those who were critical or highly critical of some sections or the story background assumptions or working premises, even though I might strongly disagree with their comments/complaints. I myself also sometimes disagreed with some things that you introduced into the story (Kim vs NRA, etc.), but I will not criticize you for doing so; after all, we all have a different take on Kim (and the other characters that belong to Disney, etc.). The real question and point of evaluation should instead be “given the assumptions presented, and the ‘nuances’ introduced” does the story flow well from them and present itself in a good or better fashion?. In my own opinion, “OSL” does indeed. I feel you did a good job of explaining Kim’s motivations or why she reacts the way she does and how her “Osama Sitch” adventure causes her evolution (and in some cases, her revolution) in more than one area. The old saying “…That which does not kill you makes you stronger…” is all too relevant here, and I commend you for working well with those issues and those that the story elements draw us into. Kim is changed in both obvious and non-obvious ways, as well as in areas with short-term and long-term implications for herself and others. I had a very rewarding opportunity to explore yet another facet of a multiversal reality (especially since I read this only a few months after our own world’s “OSL”). It was indeed a job well done.
“However, just one last thing,…” (shades of Peter Falk’s Columbo? [who I think belongs to NBC TV]). I did catch one thing that unexpectedly jumped out at me in the early chapters. I must stress that this item did NOT impact negatively on your work; its more of a simple typo that no one apparently ever caught or brought to your attention (of course, I’m not completely sure why I did notice it, but my “real world” job may make me more “time sensitive” in some cases) .
After the 5-plane attack, Bush holds meeting at White House at 1:04PM; after meeting (1:20/1:30PM?), President Bush calls KP website/Wade. (from Chapter 1). However, at 11:35AM CST, Kim is called by Wade about President Bush’s call (from Chapter 2). Since ET and CT differ by only 1 hour Kim is called by Wade before the President calls Website/Wade. In this “sitch”, the simplest adjustment would be either to change 11:32AM to 12:32PM or change 1:04PM to 12:04PM.
| Uzziel chapter 6 . 9/11/2011
"The stance you want is planted, shoulder-width apart, facing the target. It's called the Weaver stance, if you're interested."
That's actually called "Isocoles" stance. "Weaver Stance", as developed by Jack Weaver, is fighting stance, narrow profile, with firing arm outstretched and supporting arm bent underneath, elbow slightly outward.
"Place the palm of your free hand under the one holding the gun. The 'U' formed by the thumb and index goes downrange..."
In real life, that hand position is called "tea-cupping", and it adds little for accuracy and overall stability. In effect, the shooter might as well shoot one-handed. For better control and accuracy, one should shoot with "wrap-around" (not to be confused with "reach-around" ;-D) - that is supporting fingers wrapped atop and around the shooting fingers, pulling the skin of the knuckles taut, stacking the thumbs against the pistol's left-side profile.
In addition, the M2 "Ma Deuce" is .50BMG (Browning Machine Gun) - not to be confused with .50AE (Action Express, commonly found in the Desert Eagle) or the .50 Beowulf.
THe SVD uses 7.62x54R ("Rimmed"), not to be confused with the 7.62x39mm M1943 Soviet cartridge, commonly utilized in the AK series of infantry rifles.
That's all I can think of, for now. Your rewrite is excellent, by the way.
| LovecraftDisciple chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
Now that Bin Laden's dead for real...
| Rocinante chapter 14 . 5/20/2010
I apologize for not having read this epic sooner, but present recent events have left me a little time for catching up on my literary "to do" list...
Many times, I've read stories that put Kim into a paramiltary-esqe situation, and almost every time, they somehow lose her character in the translation and bring her across as being something that even Rambo would cringe at - and a little too surreal to still be held in the KP realm.
Other than the concept of Kim being thrust into an ersatz mercenary role, I didn't get any of those indications in this work. The character was kept solid, most indicated by her aversion to firearms as opposed to her standard methods of crimefighting.
Until recently, I had set the concept of Steel Swan as a sort of internal upper "limit" as to the violence I could digest in a KP fic. With what I remember as your first effort in the realm, you dove right into a ticklish "current event" - and more or less fused it into the things on Kim's list as "sick and wrong" - and applied her natural desire to make it right.
The pace was consistent, the action was riveting - the final battle between Kim and OBL reminded me a lot of the fight between Spike and Vicious at the end of the Cowboy Bebop episode, "Ballad of Fallen Angels" - and ended nearly the same.
Kudos. DEFINITELY hardcore!
| Tikigod784 chapter 14 . 2/18/2010
Kim's character in this was very...good. In fact, ALL the characters are fairly deep and well thought out to at least SOME degree. Amazing. Never really watched KP back in the day, but this almost makes me want to. XD very nice.
| Muzzlehatch chapter 14 . 12/18/2009
Things will never be the same for Kim ever again. The past week has added more than seven days to her age.
| Muzzlehatch chapter 12 . 12/17/2009
Superb chapter! You've really gotten inside Kim's head here.
| Muzzlehatch chapter 3 . 12/13/2009
Daresay that I could do with a range like that...
| Janarky chapter 15 . 5/26/2009
I'm glad you mentioned the Centuarian Project & battle suit. I suppose I can assume that the mind control devices that one guy made weren't good for interrogation in places like Gitmo (made one too infantile or zombie like to recall anything). I also liked how you included explanations for other things, from grapple guns to poodles.
It was interesting adding Global Justice, though how they fit into geopolitical affairs was something I was strongly curious about (in my interpretation, most of the world is pretty "federalized," or at least a "confederation," sorta a One World Government in a loosely defined way). But given that in your view her world is almost completely parallel to our own, I'd be curious how you fit them in (and where their funding comes from).
I think following in the trad of KP, I'd have renamed the NRA "GAGA [Great American Gun Association]" or some such (like how they've changed Brownies to Pixies, it's just how they work). Though what I'd have loved to seen the most is seeing terrorists clash with Shego (like say if you could've thought of a reason for Shego to be taking a commercial flight at the time one was hijacked-just for fun, she could escape in the end since she probably wouldn't care about the plane and its crew).
Having Disney there was a mind trip to me. What do they have there instead of Kim Possible? Btw, Al-Qaeda hates Disney, and has targeted their theme parks in Europe, IIRC.
I don't know what a Yomienako Pact is though, so I don't know if that was from the KP-Verse (unlikely), our world (something to do with the Hainan Island incident?), or some other story.
Still, that said, it was a very fascinating mix of the KP-verse and our own world, perhaps a tangent/parallel world between ours & the one Disney created. ;-) Mixing in Bush, Osama, and the like was fascinating to me. The song "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 50 kept going through my head off and on as I read your fic. :-D
A couple of minor notes on grammar:
1. When someone is speaking & it goes into another paragraph, there is no end quotes on the paragraph to be continued. Example:
*He paused, reading. “No problem with getting them close to their targets… The infidels have this odd soft spot for small children. Consider them innocent. Or at least out-of bounds, to use the American jargon… How quaint… How very quaint indeed…
“But one criticism… Ten-year-olds should be able to carry enough explosives to cause moderate damage – we could stuff their school backpacks with IEDs –, but I’m unsure about our how to use six-year-olds."*
2. When using quotes within quotes, it's one mark instead of the usual 2. Example:
*“Wait... Kerry? John 'I-Won-Three-Purple-Hearts' Kerry? That Kerry?”*
I'm assuming other parts are just typos, so not the drama. ;-) And I understand, even with multiple beta readers and multiple proof readings, I can ALWAYS find errors like that in mine when I read through it again...really frustrating, and so totally understandable to me. And I meant the 2 grammatical points only to help, not that I'm saying it tarnished the story in any way.
Again, awesome fic! :-)
| Janarky chapter 11 . 5/26/2009
You seem to want a review of Ch 10 & 11, so here's my comment on these 2 chapters specifically:
I'm glad you had KP have a very hard time doing some of the things she did, or I'd have stopped thinking of her as KP. You pulled that off very well. That prayer before attacking was also touching without being cheesy, making it almost the only one I've ever liked in fiction. You handled Ron & the others very well, too.
I expect you don't get a lot of commentary because it bothers many since it's not some black & white interpretation about war. Some would prefer chest beating glory that often comes with testosterone poisoning and dislike the conscience wrestling & messiness that you've included. Others prefer to see what's happening here as inexcusable atrocity, perhaps tinged with the "no matter what, the USA is ALWAYS in the wrong" sentiment. In either case, your chapters here are likely to give both types (and others with black & white views) an uncomfortable feeling, IMO.
Not me, though, I think you pulled this off VERY well. :-)
| RabulaTasa chapter 5 . 5/8/2009
Just wanted to point out that your information on the M16 is incorrect:
“This is the U.S. Military’s M-16. It is now being used by our troops around the world. It is our primary assault rifle. It has a caliber of 5.6mm, and has a magazine capacity of 30 rounds. It weighs around 4 kilos and has a range of 460 meters The M-16 fires- ”
“-650 to 750 RPM!” Ron blurted.
The two M16 variants you'll see used today (the M16A2 and M16A4) do not have automatic fire capabilities: the fire select lever switches between safe, semi-automatic, and three-round burst. The effective range on both of these weapons is the same: 550m against a point target and 800m against an area target. They fire a 5.56mm round (like the M249, and smaller than the 7.62mm round fired by the M240G and the AK47).
The weapon you are probably thinking of is the M4A1 carbine, which has a MER against a point target of 500m and 600 against an area target. It weighs 6.5 pounds empty and has an automatic fire mode instead of the three-round burst of the M16A2/A4 and the M4. Ron's rate of fire is accurate for the M4A1, and because the weapon is magazine-fed (unlike the M2 or the M240G), you don't really have to worry about melting the barrel.
| Miyo86 chapter 1 . 3/2/2008
The picture of President Bush calling Kim Possible made me laugh uncontrollably. Good Job!
| fireand'chutes777 chapter 11 . 11/24/2007
I'm surprised nobody's left comments on chapters 10 and 11, since those are the ones involving the most action. Any reasons?