|Reviews for Resolutions|
| Alice-Ann Wonderland chapter 53 . 6/16
I love coming across treasures such as this and to know you are still writing is wonderful news, I wish more fanfiction authors would do that as well!
| veagleeyev chapter 51 . 9/26/2015
What a good send-off. I think Zach should have been named Bao-Dur and that they should have still lived in apartment C3 (or was it B3? 2?). I also wonder if Lily could have been named Kreia, which I doubt, or maybe Atris. Revan? Or perhaps Bastila. I suppose this makes me one for sentiment.
| veagleeyev chapter 44 . 9/25/2015
Well, that was disorienting.
| veagleeyev chapter 42 . 9/25/2015
Normally I'd find that ending suspenseful, but after seeing the Exile rolling through a door a half-second after an explosion encompassed her on Peragus, I'm not all that concerned. And after seeing the AI run on the mines I'm trying to disarm, I'm convinced they're immune to explosions.
| veagleeyev chapter 41 . 9/25/2015
"You Sith are all the same," Jolee said.
We couldn't leave the racism on Taris and Nar Shaada?
| veagleeyev chapter 40 . 9/25/2015
You transitioned from that ending to a cheery author's note so easily. It's almost concerning, actually.
| veagleeyev chapter 36 . 9/24/2015
Well, Bastila was always a snob, anyways. XD
| veagleeyev chapter 30 . 9/23/2015
"Next thing you know it'll be 2015..." Funny how that worked out, huh? Funny that someone should come along, such a long time later, when you, and therefore the world, have moved on, and read this? That for so many years later, when this is done and complete and a past achievement, that some people enjoy it as the present? YouTube videos, blogs, writing... It's all a time capsule on the Internet. God, our generation's kids are gonna be so embarrassed.
| veagleeyev chapter 29 . 9/23/2015
Bastila thought on her nightmares and her fear was given a face. Not Malak, or any of the Sith lords Dane Koren defeated. No, I feared not the battle against them, but of a battle within myself I could not and cannot bear to wage again. I fell…
"It is such a quiet thing, to fall, but far more terrible is to admit it." —Kreia
Atris and Bastila seem similar to me. Not the same, but certainly similar.
| veagleeyev chapter 26 . 9/23/2015
The sky was streaked with purple and orange and the first of a thousand stars were beginning to emerge high above them.
I may be a selfish ass but I'd rather have you here and take my chances with the Sith later.
Okay, so in these sentences, you have to main clauses, phrases that can stand alone as a simple sentence. You've combined the two with one of the FANBOYS (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So). Here's the deal: you need a comma. Now, there are some guidelines, so before you stop plastering commas before conjuctions all willy-nilly, let me explain.
Firstly, if you want to place a comma before the chosen one of the FANBOYS, the clauses on either side of the conjuction must be independent (A.K.A. "main clauses"). They must have a subject (what the sentence is about) and a predicate (what the subject does, but with some other stuff—for a simplified version, we'll just go with the clause being a subject and a verb). For example, "he left" can stand alone as a simple sentence. It's an independent clause.
"He jumped onto the railing and hugged it, and the force of his momentum yanked his shoulders."
You'd have the comma here because there's one of the FANBOYS and there are two main clauses. Note how in the sentence right before this one, I omitted the comma. Why? It's actually because the two phrases make one dependent clause—they both are restricted by the use of "because," for they both apply to it. Putting the comma there would separate the phrase "there are two main clauses" from "because," makin it a separate thought. It would mean it weren't a reason for "having a comma there".
There is an exception. If the independent clauses are really brief, you don't need the comma. For example, in the phrase "he jumped and she rolled," you don't need the pause because it's so dang short.
"He jumped onto the rail and wrapped his arms around the cold steel." Why isn't there a comma? Look at the words after "and". Repeat them as a sentence alone. That would be a fragment—those words don't make a complete thought, a main clause.
So now I've actually given you feedback that you can use currently. Hope this helped!
| veagleeyev chapter 24 . 9/23/2015
I think you've unintentionally antagonized Macen in writing from Atton's point of view so much. One would think the obvious counter to this would be to write from Macen's viewpoint, but that is not so. Even if you showed his respectful mindset, even if he pretty much just handed Dane over to Atton, I believe it would make just us hate him more. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Macen. He's really nice, a good character and probably better for the Exile. But, because Atton and Meetra (or Dane) were together first, we are inclined to despise the man. I believe it has to do with monogamy and morality, combined with the point of view of Atton. We see that jealousy in his head, and since we're borrowing his self to see the world, we feel it as well.
This is a problem that you, the writer, cannot fix. We all ("we" being the readers) can grudgingly admit we should probably be cherishing Macen. But we aren't. We'd all be feeling guilty if he jumped off a cliff in heroism to break everybody's fall, for part of us would be happy to see him do it. Indeed, the solution to this is for the individual to embrace wisdom and maturity, and just let go of that resentment. I suspect that about one or two people will.
But hey, it could be worse. You could do a love triangle cliché, and I think a lot of people are tired of those. I know that I am, at least.
I don't even know if my feedback actually matters. I know it does for you, being the author, but it doesn't really contribute much to the story since it's done. Heck, I'm not even critiquing your writing (mostly because of the lack of errors and that I've been feeling lazy), so it really doesn't matter at all except that it probably excites you to see that you have a buncha new reviews in your email (if you don't have that disabled).
Right now, I don't see Macen having much significance in the plot now that the Exile doesn't really need him. Maybe you'll use him to play the role that Bao-Dur did permanently. I could see Jolee Bindo doing the same. I am aware that I have dozens of more chapters to read, so this will probably change.
You know, a thought occurred to me. If Atton were to become best pals with Macen, and that development was shown through his point of view, would we hate him less? I don't actually know. Probably depends on the viewer.
All of these questions, or at least most of them, are gonna be answered as I read. For some odd reason, I am under the impression that giving feedback as I go along, that showing the responses I have in the moment as if you had just posted a chapter, matters. It doesn't make a difference. I feel like it will, but it won't. I guess it's to compensate for being late to the party—I dunno. Why am I even typing still? I'll just cut it off here before filling your inbox with spam (unless you disabled the email notifications).
| veagleeyev chapter 18 . 9/23/2015
I like the current main protagonist. I know he won't be for long, but the whole "beat the minions and lieutenants till we get to the big baddy" thing is overdone, so I count it as a plus. But he has depth. He's somewhat of a sadist, but not quite. I think in his childhood he was broken, and as a result, he likes to break people. He's also ambitious, nearly obsessively so. He has a "if you aren't helping me, you're dead" mentality, like he's mad at the world and wants to prove that he can surpass it. You made him look like a sexual predator, but he isn't. He is a predator, but a much more dangerous sort. He's a strong character.
| veagleeyev chapter 1 . 9/22/2015
I like your narrative voice.
| azure orbis chapter 44 . 6/17/2015
Oh crud. Why is everything spiraling out of control again? I was so happy to see Revan and then this happened. Is no one able to resist being influenced by the Exile's wound? (And yes, the way Revan summed up TSL does make it sound a tad too convenient. All these people with all these different ideologies just end up going along with whatever the Exile wants.) I'm hoping someone pulls a Deus ex Machina or something. Maybe the Force ghost of Bastila comes and does something? The way she went out was too pitiable for someone who struggled so hard not to fall again only to end up being taken out by a pretty face. And, please don't die, Lirik!
| azure orbis chapter 43 . 6/17/2015
Yay! Finally, Revan appears. I've been dying to find out, both in the game and this fic, what the heck happened to her. And more praise for Lirik and Jolee. I didn't think they could be such a funny pair but it was a good bit of much needed humor and lovely to see them thinking of one another once they parted ways. Just hope Lirik survives his time with the Count just so he can tell Jolee he's not too dark to heal himself anymore.