|Reviews for The Lotus Bloom|
| Sheryl Nantus chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
still going strong, still one of the best KP stories out there...
a few problems here and there with your dialogue still a bit choppy but it's improving with every new chapter - and hey - it's still a rocking story and Rich's pics are definitely Da Best!
oh, and Zei-ness Possible?
get a life. or at least write a story before you start tossing criticism around like that. Please and thank you.
we now return you to a rocking good read.
| JPMod chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
Love this chapter! Ron was faking it all along and I certainly love the ending. Poor Ron! Going to live in a secret base under the Camp Wannaweep have to be a nightmare for him. (chuckle) :)
| warprince2000 chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
Cool story! can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter (update soon Plz)
| mattb3671 chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
nice work Cap! Yea, KP and the Ronster 'back' together again! Just the way i like it. Fight scene was well done, i liked the Tweebs using the lasers. THANKS!
| continental-line chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
At last! I thought you might have dropped off the ends of the Earth. Good chapter, I only saw one dropped word. "Ron watched as (she) took a step toward him..." (she) was the dropped word. This is a great chapter and now I am going to look at Rich's artwork. Hope You write some more soon!
| demon-sword chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
dude that was an awesome chapter. it was all sappy and fluffy but it was good. ron adn wade really though out about the plan. it was a full force huge ass plan. that was awesome. i like the new mmp ron and kim has. thats cool. sort of reminds me of dragonball z/gt. and that ending was just so funny. it was nice. update soon
| JMAN2.0 chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
You are the man! this story was totally Boo-yah! I knew Ron could be evil. Keep up the excellent work. You and Rich are tottaly doing an excelent Boo-yah job.
| charizardag chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
very nice, keep up the great work
| Tucsoncoyote chapter 5 . 9/3/2005
Another Excellent Chapter, Wow! Ron was faking it the Whole Time? And Bonnie? Oh man, she got her buscuit kicked (Hoosha!) and Gill? Oh that dweeb is a sleaze! (BOO! HISS!) ..
Starting to sound So the Drama? No not really in fact I mean this is really good! Keep up the excellent work!
(and I can't wait to see the "Illustrated version!")
| Weasel77 chapter 2 . 8/24/2005
You had a good idea, but you messed it up with the writing. A lot of people are out of character (Ron, Brick, Kim etc.), Where the heck is Rufus, and you put too many things in this story (GJ, Gill, Dracken, that ninja shcool that I can't spell, etc.)
You should try re-writing a lot of things in this story.
| perny chapter 4 . 8/20/2005
A few things:
1. It's never been K/R. It's been R/K always.
2. Why leave Rufus out? He's good for getting into tight spots KP and RS can't get into.
3. Kim and Ron owuld nevre let their parent get taken, KPs just too smart for that
4. The Whole DNAmy/Gill/Evil Scientest Plot just dosen't mix
5. Do not yell at people when they crituqe, we're trying to help
| Zeiness chapter 4 . 8/20/2005
Dude. Woah. I don't even know *where* to start with this. It's just...everyone thinks this fiction is the "best", when it's not. It's not even close, as a matter of fact, I think it's one of the worse planned fictions I've ever read. Yes, at I said it was "okay". I was just being nice. Uber-nice. And, over the weeks, you have slowly gotten on my LAST nerve.
Be prepared for a long, harsh review. Completely honest and full of parentheses. Yes. Because they're my FAVORITE punctuation. -laughs-
First of all, it's not even the fiction, it's *you*. I swear, you're the most annoying advertiser on the face of this planet. No matter where you go, you have to advertise "the Bloom". Like everyone knows what it is, and like you're the god of KP. Dude, give it up. I'm not sure if you have ego issues (I know I do, trust me, this whole review proves that I do) but really, if you want the fic to get a good reputation (which will be hard to do with the irreversable damage you've already inflicted on KP fandom) advertise it one or two places, then wait for word of mouth to spread it. Not "I'm going to mention it everytime I post somewhere so people will be forced to read it!".
And Jesus tap dancing Cookie, stop. Using. Rich. As. A. Shield. So he's illustrating your fiction. So WHAT? That shouldn't be the main focus of it (and every one of your sentences - it's always "me and Rich this, me and Rich that") and I know your plan. You're using him to gain popularity. Really. No, don't deny it. You are. You're not friends with him, and he's probably not doing the work you say he's doing. I know he's not. Why? Because he's just illustrating it (crappily, I might add - I know he can do 50 times better than that). I'm best friends with Maxie Goofmore and other artists, and I know you've asked (or indirectly asked/tried to ask) HIM (and the others) to illustrate it (and probably a few of your 51 other fanfictions, which, by the by, is NOT something you should be bragging about - you're not putting effort into any of them) as well. What, so you were going to ask him to "work" on this piece of bullshite you call fanfiction too? Please.
Now onto the fanfiction. This alone will take me four freakin' hours to review and comment on. First and foremost, work on your grammar/punctuation, for cookie's sake. You're supposed to put COMMAS at the end of speech (like "Okay, Ron," she said or "Blah, blah, blah," he said or "You just had a real weird dream," Ron said). Or maybe you missed that lesson in the FOURTH grade? Secondly, there are places where you just bunched up text and called it a paragraph. Especially the twenty-fifth paragraph of Chapter One (Kim woke the next morning and quickly got dressed...). That, my fellow writer, was a buncha lime Jello stuck together. In laymen's/non-psychopathian terms, I mean that was just one big run-on paragraph. Whenever the subject changes, there's a new paragraph. And since you show such lack of grammar/punctuation skills, I guess I have to remind you to indent as well. Unless you don't know what the tab button does?
Next issue. The whole top of Chapter Two. From "Chapter two" (the 't' in 'two' should be capitalized, but now I'm just nitpicking...bad Zei, shouldn't be nitpicking! -slaps self-) to the bold part that says "Saturday at Dinnertime". That whole thing? Awkward. I can't put my finger on it, but I think Monique is out of character...I don't know. It's just awkward. And she doesn't go "girl" every two seconds. Kim doesn't call her "Mon", either. Monique. Just Monique. You can't shorten that. Oh, and you shouldn't have to say where they are before the paragraphs. You know, like "Saturday at Dinner", or "The Reservoir". Describe the setting so that readers know where it takes place without it being blatantly dished out to them on a silver plate.
Finally, since I'm getting tired and I don't feel like droning on (and since Chapter Two is already boring the living feck out of me)...get. One. Fecking. Plot. Not mixing Gill and GJ and Drakken and mind-control AND the Yamanouchi school all roled in one. You say it's epic. I say it's five different books rolled into a (probably) twenty chapter long, drone on and on about K/R (which you don't even do right, but I'm not even going to go there tonight) fanfiction that has serious plot issues. I hope to dear God you don't bring in something as bad as underdeveloped fan characters, or even worse, kill off a main character. It'd just make it suck more than it already does.
Well, at least you spell most of the words right. I guess that's a plus.
- Zei Possible, self-proclaimed Simon Cowell of Fanfictions
| continental-line chapter 4 . 8/12/2005
Good to see another chapter. Talk about heatbroken. Kim not only seems to have lost Ron but Bonnie seems to want to move in and take Kim's place.
| Aero Tendo chapter 4 . 8/11/2005
Very chilling chapter, very well written. When will the comic version be up? or is it already up?
I can't believe how cold Ron is, it is as if he had become the mirror opposite of how he normally is.
I wondered where Rufus was during all of this.
Please update soon!
| jo mama chapter 1 . 8/11/2005
that sucked loser. oh ya kpfan911 loves u.