Reviews for The Lotus Bloom
Jezrianna2.0 chapter 9 . 4/1/2006
Sorry for the lateness of this review: I've really gotten behind on my reading. Well, you finally finished it! Congratulations! I think your writing has really benefitted from this project. This chapter was a nice wrap up to the threads of the plot, with no loose ends that I noticed. Good work.
Darkcloudalpha chapter 9 . 3/26/2006
I just finished this story. Great Job! I enjoyed the whole thing and hope for a sequel.
Something Room chapter 9 . 3/5/2006
Finally, the story is complete...

After re-checking the story (read it again from chap one up to chap 9). i could say that the story is really awesome... hehe... but i also kinda expected some minor flaws to... i kinda agree with cloudmonets review here. but that doesnt change to how i love this fanfic...

Kudos captain for a story well done...


Undeclinable chapter 1 . 3/1/2006
Probably the best fanfiction I have ever read and I like the way you put the strong bond that's shared between Kim and Ron and how their relationship is capable of overcoming all the dangers and I also liked how you managed to make Drakken and Shego turn good (even if it was for a while)

please continue writing so I can continue reading
cloudmonet chapter 9 . 2/26/2006
I read "The Lotus Bloom" a couple days ago, and loved it, to the point I took notes, analysed, and nitpicked details. If I sound like I'm focusing on minor flaws, apologies in advance. There aren't really any major ones.

I'm probably one of the last Kim Possible fans to read "The Lotus Bloom." Certainly a lot of glowing comments about it aroused my interest, and for that matter, so did the odd, "Oh, it's not that great," remark from the literary iconoclasts among us. But a couple of things held me back. First, I don't like reading unfinished works. An unfinished series of stories, fine, but this is something resembling a novel- a big novella, at least- a unified story representing one big adventure in Kim and Ron's lives, something meant to be comparable to "So the Drama." I didn't particularly want to be left cliffhanging for however many weeks it takes the good Captain to write another chapter, and Richard Sirois to make the illustrations. Second, same idea that keeps Mark, Bob, and Steve from reading fanfictions- I'm writing fanfictions myself, and didn't want to be influenced by much but the original show and discussions of that.

Then Taechunsa started his fanfic contest, and of course I had to read the other entries. At this point I realized my own version of Kim and Ron's future, and occasional glimpse at their past, is set in enough stone that I needn't worry about feeling any urge to borrow ideas that someone else doesn't want to lend me.

So, look out, I'm occasionally reading this stuff now. Before I start, I'll lay out my prejudices. Although "real" book authors do get paid cash, for most of us (I am one), the actual sums concerned are pretty small, not enough to excuse a huge difference in quality. As a reader, I don't care whether I paid for the words or not. If you want my time, I'd better be liking both the quality of the writing (please to put phrase and sentence articulate) and the nature of the story. If it happens after "So the Drama," Kim and Ron are going steady, lovers, engaged, or married. Yes, I know that Kim and Ron could eventually break up or divorce, but I don't want them to, and probably won't get into any stories that show this happening. Hey, I'm not pretending my tastes are universal, just letting you know where I'm coming from. As for other characters, let's try to make them feel familiar, or at least like something the characters could become by the time of the story. The show has a blend of romance, adventure, and comedy, and it's nice when a fanfic story includes all of these elements to at least some degree.

"The Lotus Bloom" so far is everything I'd want a Kim and Ron story to be, but the devil's in the details, and there are a few problems with the details.

The Characters.

Kim is a bundle of contradictions, a mixture of bravado and deep insecurity, exactly as we know her from the show. If she were to suffer an adventure like this one, almost immediately after "So the Drama," this is probably how she would behave, at least through the first five chapters. The first sign of trouble is the birthday cake slapstick. I can't see Kim and Ron having a cake fight, though it is consistent with the dunkings at the reservoir, I guess. The real trouble comes when Drakken and Shego enter the scene. If Kim still has so much post-SotheDrama-stress-syndrome, why is she so willing to make truce with the two people who caused her all the suffering? I'm not saying she couldn't do it, but the way we've been wallowing around in her thoughts and insecurities up to this point, well, I'd expect her to have a lot of thoughts, and she doesn't.

Ron seems to have taken instant maturity pills or something. This Ron is very familiar to me, he's a lot like my own 20-year-old Ron. The only problem is, this one's still 17, and just a short time after "So the Drama," too. It almost feels like he's putting on a cloak of maturity to compensate for Kim's insecurities being much more on the surface. That could explain it. His phobias actually seem out of character when they pop up.

Yori, poor Yori, I wouldn't want to subject her to this so soon. I understand her tears, even more so, considering her family's been made to be keepers of the Lotus Bloom, and in this version of reality, she was probably groomed by Sensei to become Ron's girlfriend and partner. If so, Sensei should have gotten the pair together more often. If anybody could have gotten between Kim and Ron and stayed there, it was Yori. How does she feel about Kim, by the way? She said Kim knew, but I don't. Jealousy, obviously, but what else? Maybe it's a girl thing.

Sensei gives Ron and Kim the Lotus Blade and Lotus Bloom, but why the hell doesn't he also give them a few ninjas? Yori and Hirotaka could have been a big help.

Monique seems exactly like the show, and plays a very minor role. The fact that she still hasn't talked to Kim about the yearbook photo of the kiss yet suggests "The Lotus Bloom" comes extremely soon after "So the Drama."

Brick has lost whatever respect he had for Bonnie, and, given what a nice guy he seems to be here, why is Bonnie still his girlfriend? Maybe he's trying to change her, but he's just making her angrier.

Bonnie has a rather small part before getting zombified. I checked. She's peering over the sunglasses in the mall, so she's not already green-eyed. She's continuing her grumpiness from the prom. Entirely possible. And then she's a zombie. Okay, as a zombie, her only motivation seems to be to make Kim suffer as much as possible by stealing Ron, and when this fails, by any other means. So she's third in command, after Count Olafinski and Gill, but exactly why? Did one of them order her to behave this way, and if so, why? Or is this Bonnie's own idea? How many of your own motivations do you keep in this particular zombie state? I'm left not knowing how much of Bonnie's evil is native and what's just following orders.

The parents. I'm lumping them together because they feel lumped together, as in the distinctions between Ma and Pa Possible or Stoppable don't come through very clearly. Okay, Kim's mom's higher level of K/R shipping distinguishes her a little bit, but they're all shippers. The problem of what it's like to be Kim's and Ron's parents, knowing the dangers they face, is for the most part glossed over by the show. We're often left wondering just how much the parents know about this, especially the Stoppables. Here the reaction is repeated parental angst. Our babies! Auugh! After "Attack of the Killer Bebes," "Mother's Day," and "So the Drama," there's no way Kim's parents could be unaware of the risks, and they're consistently shown to have every confidence in Kim's abilities, even when two giant robots are trying to gun her down. Ron's parents are another story though, and here a chance to draw a clear difference between their reactions is missed.

Wade seems exactly as he normally is, and does what he should do, although he might have noticed that Count Olafinski who hawks the sunglasses which all the zombies wear seems to be the same person who's offering to make an antidote to Gill goo, and he's introduced first as being a friend of Drakken. Wade might've caught some of these red flags.

Dr. Director seems a little less confident in Kim than usual, and I'm wondering why. It's not like Kim hasn't dealt with mind-control stuff before. True, this scheme has gotten much farther out of the lab than usual.

Drakken's first motivation here is concern for Shego, which seems totally natural to me. I'm a Drakken/Shego shipper, can't see any sense to their relationship without personal bonding fitting in somehow, so I like their entrance. But even if Drakken and Shego really have no obvious personal affection for each other, this is the sort of event that might make it obvious. My question is, how did Drakken get through to Dr. Director without triggering a mass of agents wanting to hunt him down, or alerting Olafinski's moles in the agency? And Drakken calls her Betty? What's up with that? Gotta be some story behind this. Maybe Shego, in her hero days, knew Dr. Director?

Shego slips back into being a hero fairly readily. One thing about her plasma blasts worth noting. She does seem to have a very effective "stun" mode, which she would probably use on the human minions, as we've seen her use it on countless secret lab guards. She talks like a killer, but if she ever has actually killed anyone, no one's pinned it on her. Kim and Ron should know about her stun blasts. If not, Shego should tell them, "I'm wasting synthodrones and stunning people, okay?"

And here's an opportunity for Drakken and Shego to change their worldview and roles. I'm a little surprised Dr. Director and Kim don't put a little pressure on them to at least try to make them mend their ways. Their behavior in this story shows they can do it, and might find it rewarding.

Count Olafinski, Vincent, etc. I've seen these villains before, countless times, under one name or another. So has everyone. No problem with this, except I'm a bit surprised Kim and Ron didn't get into their usual, "What a stupid cliche!" reactions, especially when the arm on the suit of armor opened a secret passage! As for Olafinski himself, he acts like he's already Kim's arch foe, making the fight personal by drafting Bonnie and centering the action in Middleton, and no explanation why he's making these choices. Because that's Gill's vicinity, maybe?

Gill. Now why is he so afraid of Count Olafinski that he runs in terror when the count chews him out for another failure, instead of spitting Gill-juice on him and telling him what to do. Ah, that's why the count wants an antidote, perhaps? Might be nice to say so. Even so, what hold does the count have on Gill? It sounds more like fear than loyalty and respect, but what's Gill afraid of? This could be clarified.

The Plot.

As attempts to take over the world go, this one comes scarily close to succeeding, but it does suffer from some conceptual flaws, the kind of mistakes Drakken would make, and we know why, but why does Olafinski make similar mistakes?

Okay, a zombified Bonnie Rockwaller remembers everything she hates about Kim, and apparently all the other details of her life. Why wouldn't a zombified James T. Possible remember the access codes, rocket engine designs, all the other stuff they're doing the family-prisoner blackmail to make him do?

Why don't they just zombify Kim and Ron? To give Gill and zombie Bonnie the pleasure of tormenting them? Why? It's the kind of thing an arch foe would want to do, but Olafinski has never met Kim before. Why does he want to torment her like this?

Why, of all possible places in the world to hide, would they choose Camp Wannaweep? For all they know, Gill might need or want to periodically bathe in the grotto muck to maintain his mutant strength.

Why, given Kim's angst about "So the Drama," does she so easily accept the companionship of those who caused her the trauma?

Kim and Ron have defeated Shego every single time they've fought her. What exactly is she going to teach them about fighting that they don't already know? And if she's planning to turn back to evil, why is she doing this? She might just be bored, I suppose.

Why on earth doesn't Sensei send out a troop of ninjas, or at least Yori and Hirotaka, to help Kim and Ron?

Why don't Kim and Ron ask Dr. Director for backup when they go in, like "Put on your hazmat suits, set your lasers on "stun," and come charging in when you see the antiaircraft missiles go off."

Why does this story, which has been rooting around inside Kim's head for the duration, suddenly pull back as far as a news broadcast for the climax? To make us wonder if Kim and Ron survived? That can be done even in closeup. Not that I'm exactly objecting, I think it works okay, but it startles me.

Everything goes boom, and it's over. Two figures stagger out of the wreckage. Well, the ending feels abrupt compared to the rest. I'm left wondering 1) where'd Drakken and Shego go? They're missing a good chance for a pardon. 2) Is Olafinski dead? 3) Is Bonnie dead? 4) I'm guessing Gill dove into the big water pipes to the reservoir and got away.

Miscellany— possibly amusing remarks from the notes I took.

(This is either cloudmonet doing Mystery Science Theater or those editorial remarks to quotes in "The New Yorker.")

"Kim you can use our bathroom, Ron you can use the guest bath. Come on you two, standard after mission procedure, move it."

There's a lot of bathing in this story. What mission? They walked in the park and got rained on!

Kim watched out the front of the store at Ron smiling and goofing off with the football players.

And, also contra Bonnie's opinions, apparently dating Kim makes you cool.

Ron stopped when Kim gave him a certain look. “Hmm, back row it is.” He said smiling.

Kim and Ron are already making out at movies? Interesting.

Can you go use the downstairs bath? That is the only one with no windows other than mine.

The others are special voyeur baths.

“I wish Ron was here to wash my back.”

Bath number two. Remember this remark when we reach number three.

"In all the years we have been fighting the villains this is the first time our families have been put in danger because of what we do."

Um, "So the Drama," "Showdown at Crooked D," "Attack of the Killer Bebes." It's always been Drakken before, though. Which brings up the question of why the count chose to make it personal. It's the kind of thing I'd expect from Drakken or maybe even Senior, not some new guy.

“No big. As brave as you have been recently, it’s feels good to have my Ron back.”

It really turns me on when you klutz or lose your pants.

Ron moaned and opened his eyes. He realized that the two of them were in the same room together. He sat up quickly, his eyes wide.

"What are you doing in that other bed way over there?" he asked. "If we're gonna cause a scandal, let's do it right."

Sorry, couldn't resist.

Then they both found a shower and cleaned up. They found clean clothes waiting for them when they came out.

Bath number three. Let's keep our heroes clean and fresh-smelling! Wait a minute! Did I read that right? Wash my back, Ronnie.

"So all the news reports were true, the princess and the buffoon finally made it."

News reports? Right. Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable are dating (file photo) details on page 4-A.

She tilted her head back and gave Ron a kiss, then turned and entered her room. She walked over to the drawers under the bed and pulled out a towel and a washcloth, then grabbed her tray of shampoo, body wash and other bath items.

Bath number four clearly happens in separate bathrooms.

“Good evening Team Possible, please allow me to welcome you to my home. I am Count Nicholai Vladimir Olafinski, your host. Welcome, welcome to Castle Sanktuarium.”

Never trust anyone named Nicholai Vladimir Olafinski who lives in an old horror movie castle.

He grabbed the arm of a nearby suit of armor as he lost his balance. The arm moved down as he hit the floor with a thud. A section of the wall behind the suit of armor slid to the side.

"I knew it!" said Ron. "The count's an art thief or a counterfeiter, having Vincent dress as a monster to scare away the meddling kids."

"Ron, this isn't a cartoon," Kim told her partner.

“Hey Bon Bon, I think you need to cool off.” Ron said as he took a number of steps across the courtyard to the fountain that was on the edge of it. The fountain was not running and a thin sheet of ice had formed over the still water.

Chill, Bonnie! And what, she's wearing her cheer uniform? Would Bonnie go to countries like Poland or Cincinnati dressed like that? And wait a minute, isn't it May or June or something? Why is the fountain frozen?

"Anne, I tried to be a good father. I tried to protect her. I wanted to keep all the boys away from her. Then Ron came along."

When Kim was four!

Ron sat at the controls of the hovercraft as it sped through the morning sky. After taking a sponge bath in the bathroom on board, he had changed into clean mission clothes from a supply on the craft.

Bath number five!

“Next time we get an invite from a Count, Baron, or Lord, we decline.” Kim stated firmly.

Live and learn.

“Hi, everyone. Wade, don’t even try and track us. By the time you get this, we will be at the center. Ron and I just wanted to tell everyone a few things. Mom, Dad, Tim and Jim, if something happens, please know that I love each and everyone one of you. Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable, thank you for letting Ron be a part of my life. You are my other parents and I love you so much. Daddy, I am sorry you might not get to lead me down that aisle. But, I think I know who would be waiting for me.”

Hugs and kisses from Kim and Ron. Now we kick butt. Don't wait up.

If Gill’s green skin could have turned white, it would have as he fled the room.

And he's scared of exactly what? Gill, dude, spit on Nick and give him some orders.

Kim and Ron whirled to the side to see Gill standing up from behind the reception desk. He had placed a Tour Guide hat on his slimy head.

“I’m giving you a final tour, a real final tour.”

“Ugh, what happened to villains’ witty banter, KP?” Ron asked in mock concern.

Hey, give Gill some credit. He put on a goofy hat just to make witty banter. How many villains take the trouble?

Barkin took the handset. “We need an immediate priority medivac, grid coordinates, Oscar, Delta, November, one, zero, niner, five. Tell those folks they are alive! Kim and Ron are alive!”

And no doubt needing another bath.

Kim smiled wanly at Ron as she tilted her head to one side and standing on her tiptoes, she gently kissed her chosen one.


Two thumbs up!

clodmonet says check it out.
Darth Comrade chapter 9 . 2/24/2006
Congratulations! You've done it!

This story really marks the beggining of my KP fandom.

It is infact the real reason i became such a dedicated fan and pushed me in the helping effort!

To see it end is something emotional really!

I loved the starwarsy ending! Since i am a starwars fan anyway! :)

I just wonder whatever happened to the families? they could've atleast been there at the celebration...

Anyway, it just comes to show how good stories can make such a great impact.

Again, well done!
Anime Chick009 chapter 9 . 2/20/2006
THis was a really good story pver all. Especially the end with the suspension of the final fight. I think my favorite part of this story would have to be when Kim got the Bloom and go along with Ron's blade. And a relly funny part in this last chapter was them saying they're never going to see a lord baron or duke ever again. Over all great amazing story! _
alwaysALOHA chapter 9 . 2/20/2006
I love this story! It is by far the best I have read so far and I hope you win the Fannie Awards. I hope to read more of your stories in the future. always, ALOHA.
strength-91-possibility-none chapter 9 . 2/19/2006
loved the chap, great work!
warprince2000 chapter 9 . 2/18/2006
Very cool story! can't wait to see what happens in the next story you write (update soon Plz)
CajunBear73 chapter 9 . 2/17/2006
Great work Cap & Rich! As soon as I saw the fic back on I went to your site for the version with the artwork. Keep up the good work and see you when either or both of you have something posted later on!
King Of Anime chapter 9 . 2/17/2006
This was one of the greatest stories I've ever read. You have to do a sequel or continuation PLEASE! You will most assuredly win the Fannie award for best story.
dartblade chapter 9 . 2/16/2006
this story was one of the most outstanding stories i have ever read it was also the first fanfict i ever read and it is also the reason i started writing my own fanfiction i have been following the story from rich's web site so i have not bothered to read and review it here but still it is the best story ever and i congradulate the both of you on your hard work and dedication. it there ever was a sequel to this im sure it would be just as good. keep up the good work

Rye-bread chapter 9 . 2/16/2006
Conflict! Battle! Romance! Rescue! Triumph! So the Grandeur!

You've done it; you've achieved the apex.

There's a scene in "The Agony And The Ecstasy": the Pope celebrates Mass in the Sistine Chapel, allowing Michaelangelo's ceiling fresco to be seen prematurely, to the painter's chagrin; but Titian says "Master Buoarati, you have sent us all back to school."

You've shown all the fanfic'ers how it should be done.

That final scene in Yamanuchi is nothing short of glorious. Now if there were more justice, you would so be getting a call from Peter Jackson.

The Bloom and Blade are one! As foretold, the Chosen and his Consort are joined!
Darrinx chapter 9 . 2/16/2006
As it has through the entire year this story continues to Rock so hard it WILL do well at the Fannies no ifs or maybes.

On a critical note though the fight scenes in the last chapter were a little too Dragon Ball Z for my liking but even after all that this is still the best Kim Possible Fan Fiction on the Net.

I only dream of one day writing something this good.

You and Rich have done a fantastic job 100/10
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