Reviews for Heart of Gold
Tears of Eternal Darkness chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
she's a mary-sue; 1. she's the first character mentioned, 2. she has an unusual name 3. she has the same weapons as one (or more) of the main fandom charaters (Legolas) 4. she is called "my lady"; a "lady" is a women of high status in a certain realm/country and as she is not from the fandom this does not apply to her.

you could make this so much better

good luck
SilverGhostKitsune chapter 3 . 5/25/2006
Please update soon! It was a fabulous ficcie!
FlamersInc chapter 1 . 10/31/2005
Mission 07: Flamers Inc. General Quinxhuan, reporting.

I thought I was in for another roller coaster of choppy, poorly constructed sentences laced with disgraceful uses of grammar and some of the worst spelling I’ve ever seen, mainly because right off the bat, before the story even STARTS, I came upon a grammar mistake in the bloody disclaimer. However, it seems that your betas have done their jobs fairly well. As far as the mechanical standpoint is concerned, there is a vast improvement over the rest of the pieces in your profile, though it still needs a lot of work. As my partner has said before, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Since it’s obvious how much work your betas put into this, I will take a leap of faith and say that at least the majority of the spelling mistakes are merely typos that occurred after they had already swept through the story. (There are still countless grammatical errors, however, that are basic forms of the English language that I doubt BOTH of your betas missed, unless they are just that dumb, and I highly doubt that. If you think something is wrong and both of your betas say it’s incorrect, it’s probably a good idea to concede to their views because they’re probably right.)

Your betas, however, can only do so much. They can only marginally affect the actual story itself.

The story, in at least my opinion, is considerably dull. While reading, I caught myself skipping through it rather frequently and would have to force myself to go back and read it thoroughly, which a reader should never have to do. Readers should be entertained and should not have to feel like what they’re doing is some kind of chore. I think that one of your problems with this is probably input. Find some people that are willing to be brutally honest, besides ourselves, with your writing, and try to take what they tell you with grace. If you ignore their criticisms or get offended often, sooner or later they’ll grow tired of it and will refuse to help you.

Are you positive that the third chapter has been beta’d by both TheSpaz and TheDarkOneReborn? The sentences here read like the remains of a train wreck. Everything is run together and I can hardly pick through the debris. Hand this one back to the betas–it needs it.

Also, the story was unbelievable and didn’t leave me with a sense of magic at all. Even the impossible can be made believable by a talented writer. Until you master the art of such a skill, you’d be best off practicing by writing things about which you know and have experienced yourself. Then, and only then, can you branch off to the mystical and unknown.

Quinxhuan’s rating: 2/10

I didn’t feel a zero was in order, due to the improved grammar and spelling. (Even though it is more than likely the work of the betas hard at work...) Therefore, I give you one point for your writing and an additional point for the improvements. Keep working, you’ll get there!
TheSpaz chapter 2 . 10/31/2005
Mission Double-Oh-Zero: Flamers Inc. TheSpaz, reporting!

HAHAHAHA! LOOKY WHAT I POSTED BEFORE SOMEONE HAD THE CHANCE TO! XD

Check it out, ya bastards! I have access to Flamers Inc.'s email! (BTW, your password was entirely too easy to guess.) I'M GONNA GO ATTACK ME A PROFILE NOW!

Spaz, signing off!
TheSpaz chapter 3 . 10/31/2005
Mission 06: Flamers Inc. General Quinxhuan, reporting.

I thought I was in for another roller coaster of choppy, poorly constructed sentences laced with disgraceful uses of grammar and some of the worst spelling I’ve ever seen, mainly because right off the bat, before the story even STARTS, I came upon a grammar mistake in the bloody disclaimer. However, it seems that your betas have done their jobs fairly well. As far as the mechanical standpoint is concerned, there is a vast improvement over the rest of the pieces in your profile, though it still needs a lot of work. As my partner has said before, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Since it’s obvious how much work your betas put into this, I will take a leap of faith and say that at least the majority of the spelling mistakes are merely typos that occurred after they had already swept through the story. (There are still countless grammatical errors, however, that are basic forms of the English language that I doubt BOTH of your betas missed, unless they are just that dumb, and I highly doubt that. If you think something is wrong and both of your betas say it’s incorrect, it’s probably a good idea to concede to their views because they’re probably right.)

Your betas, however, can only do so much. They can only marginally affect the actual story itself.

The story, in at least my opinion, is considerably dull. While reading, I caught myself skipping through it rather frequently and would have to force myself to go back and read it thoroughly, which a reader should never have to do. Readers should be entertained and should not have to feel like what they’re doing is a chore. I think that one of your problems with this is probably input. Find some people that are willing to be brutally honest (besides ourselves) with your writing and try to take what they tell you with grace. If you ignore their criticisms or get offended often, sooner or later they’ll grow tired of it and will refuse to help you.

Are you positive the third chapter has been beta’d by both TheSpaz and TheDarkOneReborn? The sentences here read like the remains of a train wreck. Everything is run together and I can hardly pick through the debris. Hand this one back to the betas–it needs it.

Also, the story was unbelievable and didn’t leave me with a sense of magic at all. Even the impossible can be made believable by a talented writer. Until you master the art of such a skill, you’d be best off practicing by writing things about which you know and have experienced yourself. Then, and only then, can you branch off to the mystical and unknown.

Quinxhuan’s rating: 2/10

I didn’t feel a zero was in order, due to the improved grammar and spelling. (Even though it is more than likely the work of the betas hard at work...) Therefore, I give you one point for your writing and an additional point for the improvements. Keep working, you’ll get there!
dustoflove chapter 3 . 10/21/2005
hello

so far so good!

keep it up!

[:
Guest chapter 3 . 10/19/2005
This is a Mary Sue. Hope you know that.
jada952 chapter 3 . 10/19/2005
Hi!

I look forward to reading more of your story.

I have read a lot (!) of fanfic in the past month, and I really like the idea of bad energy coming to balance out the good. I haven't seen that idea expressed at all. And, it's a good one. Maybe that's where the gun powder used at helm's deep comes from.

I do think you could smooth out your transitions between characters and their actions some.

I'd like to be able to get more of a sense of the passage of time too.

I'm interested in seeing what happens next.

Keep writing,

mk
Kaiwolf chapter 2 . 5/17/2005
What is up with this chapter? It is so hard to read it the way you have it. Please take the squares out from in between each letter. I liked chapter 1.
La Femme Absurde chapter 2 . 5/17/2005
um im sorry but i cant read this the format is too...um weird. could you please retype it in the format u used in the first chapter? thanks. i cant wait until i get to find out what happens in this chappie!
fhghfh chapter 1 . 5/15/2005
She's such a Sue, I don't blame the guy who shot her.
Kabuki733701 chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
This is good! you could add a little more description though. Please continue.
Argonath chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
Ah, the usual character gets beaten, is recued by Elves plot after being sent to Middle Earth... please, please save this story before it turns into a Sue! You can still save it, if you try... let me guess, a romance with Legolas was on the way, after she got chosen to go with the Fellowship? -shakes head and sighs- for shame...

And you need to introduce your characters. Who is Garett? You say "he", but is he a brother, uncle, father, cousin..? It makes not much sense to me.

The whole first chapter seemed rushed, try to slow it down a bit and add more details. And get your beta readers to check your spelling; it's Saruman, not Sarumam.

This is not a flame, I am only trying to give you advise.
La Femme Absurde chapter 1 . 5/11/2005
wow this story is awesome! cant wait until the next chapter!
tatiana chapter 1 . 5/10/2005
Hmm... uh your transporting type stuff makes ni sense, but watev.

Personally, ithink that it would be better for the plot if legolas found her in the woods, but what ever floats your boat
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