Reviews for Harry Potter and the Scrivenings of Slytherin
Padfoot's Godchild chapter 15 . 10/27/2005
Great story so far. Is Percy REALLY Percy? From the twins' description of his behavior, he sounds like an impostor. Would I be correct?
Jack-A-Roe chapter 15 . 10/26/2005
This chapter got to fill in some of the story. Now we know the minister, when Sirius's trial is, the DA, etc.

If I were you, I wouldn't spend a ton of time with the occlumancy lessons. Too much tends to slow the story down.

I don't trust Percy. I assume he's a ministry spy.

I loved the slamming on Cho.

I can't wait for the action...

Yes, it was me who told the group about your story. I hope you get some more readers, because the story deserves it.
aloavi chapter 13 . 10/25/2005
good thinking with Voldemorts faer of death he will never enter the veil even in Harrys mind

and id like to tell ya that ur the 1st autor to make Snape helpfull without maiking him nice
daalor chapter 14 . 10/23/2005
I like your theory of how Occlumency is supposed to work, but not really sure where he could store Harry could store his memories. In the Arch maybe? Anyway great story so far.
White Merlin chapter 14 . 10/23/2005
Awesome Story.

Please update soon.
daufahnder chapter 13 . 10/23/2005
my writing English is gruesome, German here, so sorry for any errors:)

First: WOW.

This is definitivly one of the best FFs I ve read so far. Especially as you dont need to give Harry any of this SuperPower-shit that many others are using. You make the story interesting with a plot, not using some rather silly things. Please, wrote on in this theme, absolutely brilliant!
daalor chapter 11 . 10/23/2005
I enjoyed your sorting song, much better than other originals I've read from authors.
aloavi chapter 1 . 10/21/2005
Was there AK before Sirius fell trough the veil? Dont remember that. But anyway grat fic, ur really lucky that u havent read much fanfics. :)
japanese-jew chapter 14 . 10/21/2005
loads of fun. like omphaloskepsis. I have to look up scrivening though.
japanese-jew chapter 2 . 10/21/2005
Right now... right now I hate dumbledore more than I ever have before. It's extraodinary, the hatred I feel for him. I didn't know I could. I've never even felt like this for anti-dumbledore fics. I guess it might be just this fic AND the last fic I was reading, in which dumbledore was being very realisticly thick headed. grr.
Jack-A-Roe chapter 14 . 10/21/2005
I've enjoyed the story so far and can't believe I had not found it before.

Overall, I think you have a nice pace going for the story. I just hope you don't start to rush the story to complete it.

Your writing is very good and the only mistakes I've seen are an occasional forgotten word.

I don't think Harry is angry although he is certainly losing his temper alot. I would like to see him gain a little more control over himself. But, after OoTP I didn't expect to be a complete wreck for an extended period of time.

My only other concern is that you are trying to bring in too many elements of HBP. They may have been part of your original ideas, I admit. But I'm hoping to read your story not JKR's

Best of luck with the story and the computer problems. I understand the injury...I broke my ribs a few weeks ago playing ball and sitting is sometimes very uncomfortable.
Le Rob chapter 12 . 9/23/2005
You've noted that you haven't spent time popularizing this fic - well, it's one of the few on FF that deserves to be in the limelight, and it's going to be recommended by myself on several different communities. Masterful work, keep it up.

Humm, because it always helps to have some criticism, I'll dig deeply... . There's not much to criticize, but there was one instance in the first 12 chapters that posessed unclear pronouns. It was in a sentence that was fairly long and perhaps was maybe a little run-on; semicolons are the perfect type of punctuation - use them well.

To end the review on a high-note, once again, I find the bar to be raised on my own writing. You're making other writers sweat a little bit, and have to work harder. Good for you, and keep it up :)
smurf chapter 11 . 9/19/2005
Hmm...

Well, it's sort of interesting so far, but I'm having trouble following Harry. I mean, part of me wants to feel like I understand him, and thus, can remain interested in his character, but he keeps changing around. I understand that his emotions are all wack, and really no one outside of himself and probably Dumbledore can really "get" him, but it's hard to stay in the story when I can't even get his motives. It's too... jumpy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the story feels too random. Snape testing Harry's Occlumency in the middle of the hallway, and, randomly "thanking" him. Yeah, it's all to get Harry riled up, but honestly, 11 chapters in... angry!Harry is getting overplayed.

You have good skills, especially in being able to lay the foundation for a scene, but unfortunately, I've lost most of my interest. Having Harry distance himself from everyone (including me, as a reader), was probably the main cause, if you care to take it into consideration.

But... yeah. Good luck.

Smurf
Nemesis chapter 11 . 9/17/2005
Awesome, very good. I can't wait for more. Keep it coming!
Nightwing 509 chapter 9 . 8/22/2005
I enjoyed reading your story. I liked how you had Snape outwit Fudge. Please update soon.
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