|Reviews for A Blast from the Past|
| Caorann fridh Bronach chapter 2 . 6/5/2005
Wow, thanks so much for that great thanks! I’m honored that my reviews mean so much to you. Yours mean a lot to me, too, so thanks for reviewing Bitterness!
The very first paragraph of the story makes Kaiba seem very much in character. I like the reminder that he runs a company and so has a reputation to uphold. Plus, seeing Kaiba squirm over being annoyed utterly by being weakened by something he hates the thought of adds great irony to the story.
Bakura! Yes, I always wanted him to have a bigger role as well. The Spirit of the Millennium Ring makes such a great bad guy…I can hear his voice so well through your dialogue.
Hehehe, personal connection here; I’ve managed to do that move with Lord of D, the Flute of Summoning Dragon, and Blue-Eyes White Dragons myself. Well, once or twice, but it was so much fun! Sorry, just had to let that out.
The short descriptions of the characters when they talk is enough that I, who know the characters, know exactly who each one is. That’s a nice feeling!
Ooh, very intriguing twist to the game. Feeling the pain itself because of some sort of day it is…maybe the day Kisara died long ago?
This description of pain was one of my favorites: “he felt the burning sensation around him. He clenched his teeth to stop a scream from escaping his mouth. He raised his arms to block the attack, but he still felt the burns searing through his body. He fell to his knees as the last fires died away.”
There were a few spelling mistakes in this segment from run-in words. I know when I’m typing corrections or changes in the document manager, there are a lot more of these than when I am typing in someplace like Word, so maybe you could simply transfer the document to a program like Word to check for any of those places.
Very nice way to end the duel…leaving me curious still. Kaiba’s reaction to seeing the gang was certainly in character as well.
I like the slow pace of the romance just fine (romance between Kaiba and other characters aren’t my favorite, but your story is doing fine on that), and the vision they both had of Kisara was great.
Another wonderful chapter! I look forward to more when you’re ready!
| Caorann fridh Bronach chapter 1 . 6/2/2005
Great beginning. You set up a good contrasting line to emphasize what Kaiba is doing: Walking.
Already, you also begin to hint at a great approaching ocnflict. Kaiba hates destiny so much, and yet, he feels it. I like that part.
Emphasizing laughter as a beautiful sound was a good section as well.
One suggestion is that, while you have some great description of people, maybe you could separate it out from one paragraph. Instead of including it all at once, give little segments during the story in pieces, so that the reader gradually gets a view of the person. But just an idea!
My favorite section was after the memory. You have some great lines doing what I suggested above, and you also have a growing relationship on. I love the line that the girl oddly was so worried for a complete stranger, and I liked the description of Kaiba's eyes turning into tiny gray dots.
You have Joey very well in character!
Hmm, I'm interested if Serenity is the present-day Kisara. I've never seen that before.
As to any suggestions for next chapter...I don't know where you're planning on going in your story, so I can't have too many ideas. Maybe you want to have a scene when Kaiba gets home and has another vision when Mokuba's around (love brotherly fluff, sorry). Or maybe Kaiba could have a memory in school! That could lead to Yugi guessing something and the gang seeing him...maybe Serenity hearing more about Kaiba from the others.
I don't know, but you've a nice start and good grammar!