Reviews for The Track of a Storm |
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![]() ![]() This has is becoming increasingly boring to read. Endless dialogue, some I fear don't even matter. Plus James is purely idiotic. Esp for believing him about Harry. James literally remembers that night like it was yesterday. He knows the severity of Voldemort. He was a bloody witness at the crime scene. HE KNOWS why Voldemort is after them. HE KNOWS Voldemort was going to murder Harry. Even if he didn't know any of that. Believing an enemy? Downright stupid on his part. I understand you want to go in that direction, and I respect you for that. My concern is that that isn't a strong enough way to make that believable. The thing with Harry Potter fanfics is that you have so many things at your disposal that would make for a stronger story. One incredible thing is magic. Why resort to cheap, muggle, torture (and yes, it is a branch of mental torture to make someone believe in the enemy beliefs by preying on their weaknesses (James Harry/Family)) tricks, when there is so many other forms of magic that could easily suffice (and dare I say it, better?). For one thing: alternative memories and thought deposition. By using magic, they are able to make James earnestly believe Harry has joined Voldemort. Pensive memories can be manipulated. Voldemort could easily offer James "proof" that Harry is his apprentice by either showing a manipulated memory of the night of Oct 31 1981 or show a completely fake memory of an young Harry being educated. |
![]() ![]() Tbh I didn't even read the accents on a account of I can't even understand them. I did read the part about him knowing "Mista' James" |
![]() ![]() ![]() I LOVED this! Terrific job! Can't wait to read the new version :D |
![]() ![]() ![]() Read this in high school, and came across it again. A memorable piece. Thanks for writing. -t. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I love it! There aren't enough stories like this out there! Thank you so much for finding the time to write this |
![]() ![]() ![]() ;-; I require advice on how to stop the endless stream of water from my eyes. But this story was nothing short of amazing, I could FEEL James' heroic determination, his Gryffindor heart, his loyalty to his family and brothers. It was all so so heart wrenching. "Pahfoo." LITTLE BABY HARRY SO INNOCENT SO FUNNY WHY VOLDEMOT CURSE YOU |
![]() ![]() This is confusing it started off good but it's all random now |
![]() ![]() ![]() Can't wait to read all of this |
![]() ![]() So Sirius escapes with Harry into a room with a floo and instead of flooing him straight to Hogwarts, asks him to wait? Realistically, he would have flooed him straight out of that building. There are several issues like this which quite simply don't make sense. Your sentence structure and vocabulary are great but this story is littered with plot holes. I really struggle to imagine the scenes in my head and there are massive gaps in my understanding. Remus rips the bars off his prison and this goes unmentioned by the death eaters? How large is the cell so that they can't see Harry hiding behind James? Are they even in the cell at this point? Not to mention that Harry does not act like a six year old, using words such as 'rigid' for example. He also seems to have the mentality of a depressed adult; it is unrealistic. Sorry, but I found this story completely frustrating and confusing. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I'd like to thank you for this interesting read. I really loved it and to my shame I have to admit that Abaddon was by far my favourite character thought a part of me hated it that he tortured Remus I just have to like him. My favourite manner was when James found out it was Harry in front of his cell. I'll be checking your other fanfic's out this instant. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I LOVED THIS STORY! While it didn't deal with the entire bringing down of Voldy and left me hanging a little in that area, I think your characterisation of kid!Harry and James and Sirius were really good :) I'm also SO glad you included this last chapter, it's perf :))) |
![]() ![]() ![]() I don't usually comment on stories completed years ago, but for this I must make an exception. Wow - BRILLIANT start! James' inner monologue is so honest and real in its emotion that it's almost painful to read. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story, but even if this chapter were just a one-shot, it would be absolutely worth the read. Well done! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Um. Who's Gwen? |
![]() ![]() This is really crapy you are a terrible writer! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wonderful. Finally a Harry/James fanfic that is well written/realistic/and entertaining throughout. Great job. |