|Reviews for Past Experiences|
| fairyninjaM4 chapter 1 . 4/9
This story has potential but unfortunately i cant bring myself to read any more after the first chapter. Your main problem is the way you ram your speeches together, nothings seperated and i cant tell whos saying what. If you fix that (maybe with a beya readers help?) i could over look your tendency to jump from one scene to the next with out any indicators. One second we are at the house the next we are talking to a vender on the street with no actual indicator other than just BAM somebody new is talking. It doesnt have to be much, just a sentence or two would make a huge diffrence. ExampleHikaru scooped up her purse and Sakura in the same motion and promptly left the Uchiha manor in search of the shopping district." In my opinion these two things would make a world of diffrence in your stories. It's obvious you have the creativity, you just need to work on writing aspect. Good luck on your future stories
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/24/2015
Okay, so I tried to read this story because it seemed interesting... and had to stop nearly a minute in. The way you write your dialogue is appalling and it is extremely difficult to understand who is speaking. I feel that if you go through and edit this story so that it is easier to follow this story would be much more popular.
| eurielle chapter 5 . 11/1/2014
I am sorry. I know I said that I will read more but really, they are sometimes out - of - character, and it shows that your characters have your characteristics... or close to it somehow. Oh, and of you write future stories, please don't put: three days later, or a week later. It is good in a story if the reader doesn't know your timeline, really.
| eurielle chapter 4 . 11/1/2014
Oh, maybe I just talked a little early. Well, thank God you put those lines! Please refrain from using 'a girl from a manga' if you are not going to state what kind of manga there is. There are manga genre for girls or women called shoujo and josei. A specific type of thing you want to say will add something in your story because it is a detail that people might wonder about.
Oh, and please refrain from putting A/N's in the middle of the story.
| eurielle chapter 3 . 11/1/2014
I forgot to add that you might want to add a borderline after you finish a scene that doesn't belong to the other scene because it was to pick up where it starts or ends.
And please refrain from putting things like 'princess' or something. The village is a ninja one, and if you want to have a princess on it, just use 'hime' because it is princess in Japanese, but it doesn't sound so fancy and out of place.
| eurielle chapter 2 . 11/1/2014
I have not started this chapter yet because I want to say something about the first chapter. The story is very confusing, and the dialogue are off. I, and many, would appreciate it if you edit their lines because it's really confusing when you read it.
There are many readers who complain about the Uchiha matriarch and patriarch, and I want you to know that it is okay to make up your characters' name, it's your story anyway; however, it was really disorienting to read their names because my mind kept on changing it to Mikoto and Fugaku.
I do get your idea and your plot, but the truth is, I've already read the same plot as yours (in the beginning of the story, at least), and they all began with Sakura ending up in the past injured and found by little Sasuke. I enjoyed reading them, but it just feel like I am rereading a story all over again by different writer. But I will continue to read this story and see if you will improve with the next chapters or so.
| BoomPowMina chapter 6 . 12/18/2013
Mini Sakura and Sasuke are so adorable, it hurts!
| LilithiaRW chapter 6 . 10/13/2013
"He's a smart boy, he'll know where to stick it in"
I'm dead XD
Anyway, while you're writing lacks a lot if detail, you certainly have a knack for humor. Sasuke and mini Sakura are so cute!
| LilithiaRW chapter 3 . 10/13/2013
But...but the Hokage is still watching them...ew
| LilithiaRW chapter 2 . 10/13/2013
Why do Sasuke and Itachi's parents have the wrong names? Sorry, it's just aggravating.
| LilithiaRW chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
Well the first chapter isn't that good (the writing is a little ameteur-ish), however i have confidence the series will get better.
| kyoko minion chapter 1 . 9/19/2013
| V-ChanUzumakiLSSJ chapter 16 . 3/15/2013
This wasn't bad. It was somewhat captivating. Nice job.
| JelloXGiggles chapter 3 . 10/22/2012
oh my god. i just cant read anymore. the wrong names are really irritating, and this thing is just way too straight to the point, the flow isnt that good, and its kinda confusing...and grammar. so sorry
| acetwolf94 chapter 16 . 8/24/2012
Nice. But its a bit confusing. Whats the sequel called?