|Reviews for BK Chronicles: The Quest for the Crystal Jiggies|
| Chaos-for-eternity chapter 11 . 12/2/2014
Are you done with this? I really enjoyed it and would love to see how it ends!
| breegullbrute chapter 11 . 12/1/2007
First, I want to say great job so far. This fanfic is incredibly complex & your immagination knows no bounds. I hope you finish it.
P.S. There's a typo in chapter 5. In paragraph 16, sentence 1, you said Cloud Island 137 instead of 237.
| Blah chapter 1 . 6/10/2007
Well done Overmind3; me likes it.
| Formerly BM Jr chapter 2 . 8/3/2006
i hate to say it, but i think you got the chant wrong. i played banjo-tooie, and i heard the chant mumbo always uses...
eekum bokum, eekum bokum, eekum bokum, deejowon. eekum bokum, eekum bokum, obelwakka, obbelwakka. eekum bokum, eekum bokum, eekum bokum, deejowman. eekum bokum, eekum bokum, obelwakka, obbelwakka.
at least i think thats it. but this fiction is aresome. please put out another chapter, please.
| Little Miss Nintendo chapter 1 . 4/21/2006
Wow, I came here to return the favor of you reveiwing my story, I honestly didn't expect to find something so well written! I really liked it, I think I'm going to finish this one! P
| neoofy chapter 1 . 8/4/2005
i am anon user an i know prter in person
i put the flame mail on the revew 4 a joke
but im sorry
singed a right prat joe
| Beastmaw chapter 11 . 8/2/2005
Ah-hah! I apologize, but I haven't been able to come online for a while. Also, I'm going to Dublin soon, so I won't be able to be online then either.
Anyway, on to the review.
It is, as usual, very well written. It seems a little more serious than the games, which is one reason I like it so much. You have also used a lot of imagination when writing this fic (the Jinjo magic, for example) and that's another reason I'm so fond of it.
Well, I've faved the story, and put it on my Story Alert list... So, if I remember to check my emails, I will probably keep reading it.
And I hope you'll keep writing it.
| Nintendo Nut1 chapter 11 . 8/1/2005
Finally! I've gotten a chance to read this! Now lemme give you a bit of a longer review than what I normally give, no Link to interfere.
This story contains loads of creativity and depth and presents lots of original ideas, indicating that you put much thought into this tale. Nearly all details of legend and lore are touched upon so no one is left in confusion. That's always good, but some things should remain as a mystery, foreshadowing the future. Always try forshadowing when you can, it's an ingenious writing tool to build up suspense and plot.
Good descriptions of the fight scenes, you can actually tell what's going on. I myself find battle scenes challenging to write, so I commend you for that. I also like the dark, cryptic personality you've given to Grunty, it really gives a sense of dread and darkness to this otherwise cheerful series. The way she breaks Klungo is unaturally dark for the Grunty all of us know and love, but it's what makes a good villian truly evil.
Now for some hopefully helpful comments. I'm noticing a lack of emotion at some points that really need it, especially in chapter 5 when Jingaling speaks of Tooty, and when they're reunited. I'm not suggesting overdrama sobs, but there could be more signs of sibling love there.
At most points you're fully detailed, but at some you're a bit too breif. How did Humba and Mumbo prepare for the Greys' reviving? How did Humba nurse him back to health? Also, it wouldn't have hurt to describe the scene when they first discovered the missing head at the end of Ch 9. There could've been a mass burst of emotion there.
At some points early on, there's a bit of odd pacing. Things seem to rush in some chapters, especially ch 5. Actually, ch 5 could use the most work. There's so much emotional appeal you could do with it. Trust me; it's not only actions that count in a story, it's about emotion and how the characters are feeling.
On a note of character, some characters could use some more thought, especially Banjo. His character seems a bit broken: at some points he seems dumb, and others he's more intelligant. It's hard to tell what character traits you have chosen for him, whereas Kazooie speaks her mind, so you can tell with her. If you portray Banjo as the quiet type, explain his inner thoughts without dialogue. There was a good example of that when he snapped at the reporter; you explained his motive and thoughts towards the situation. Work on that with other characters like Bottles and Tooty as well, but Banjo needs it the most because he's one of the main characters and therefore stands out the most.
Also, dialogue could use some work. Try what I do; I know it seems a bit crazy, but I tend to talk to myself and play out the discussion with different voices for each character so I have the right timing of who's saying what, then I quickly write it down and add in the details of what they're doing while they're speaking later. That way, the words they speak won't seem as forced, and will seem more like a true conversation between characters. That's how dialogue is one of my stronger points. Feel free to use that technique, in a quiet voice, if you're afraid of what people will think of your sanity.
Looking through the content, your work contains spelling and grammical errors as well! I usually don't hold it against people because it's usually never so bad as to interfere with the understanding of the text, but I have to admit there are some areas where I was left in confusion because I couldn't understand what was being said. The last chapter was evidence of proofreading, so go back to your other chapters and read them over carefully. Also, try using a thesaurus, because I'm detecting in some spots a limited use of vocabulary, using a repetition of words, especially when you're describing things in general. MS Word should have a built-in thesaurus if you press F7Shift, that is, if you use MS Word. Or just buy one from a bookstore.
Wow, this is one of the longest reviews I've ever done. XD But I just hope this helps you. You have loads of potential, but you need to open it up just a bit more. Always practice using emotion in your storytelling, its what makes the bulk of an exceptional story. Also, try reading professional authors' works, like the author of the Artemis Fowl series (brilliant mix of both emotion and action. Who says you can't have both?). I hope you takes these comments into consideration whilst you keep going. Just one question: what do you mean by what they did wrong/give? I wanna know because I want to try and guess!
Well, I think that about sums it up. You keep it up, and don't be afraid to go all out. I wasn't when I was writing Brother Squadron (though I didn't expect that much recognition for it). And yes, I officially approve of your plans for the Amethystians. And if you stray a bit from the original ideas, that is not a problem at all. After reading this, I can only imagine how much depth you will add to my tribe. I hereby give you permission to add as much depth as you like. *gives you a signed contract* Go at it, pal.
Otherwise, this is a great story, and you should very much keep at it! And that concludes my very long review!
| Looneyman chapter 11 . 7/27/2005
Wow, nice chapter. I'm glad you finally got this updated. Don't worry, the wait was WELL worth it. I loved it.
As for your little competition, I'd say...
It's just a guess and I don't mind if I win or lose. I wish everyone the best of luck in this.
| Beastmaw chapter 10 . 7/22/2005
It's wonderful. Keep writing.
| kookybloo chapter 10 . 6/30/2005
Excellent story. I need to read more!
| Targ Collective chapter 1 . 6/14/2005
Okay, I know this is bad practice reviewing my own fic. Worse practice to not use the review page to review. I'd just like to say, anon-user, that you are on my Block list. Furthermore, I sincerely hope that unpleasantness not unequal to what Grunty plans to do to Banjo and Kazooie will happen to you. That's real unpleasantness. I have alerted another author I am in contact with to your heinous deed, and with luck in time you will be blocked from reviewing ANY fic, anywhere. I will also see if the folk who run this fine site will delete your review (and this one) and block you from further activity here. Good day!
| anon-user chapter 1 . 6/12/2005
| Looneyman chapter 10 . 6/10/2005
Getting tense now. It's good to see that everyone is expecting Grunty to be ressurected, which she has been. There's not much more I can say excepot update soon.
| Nintendo Nut1 chapter 1 . 6/9/2005
Ooh, hey, this is actually pretty neat. Lots of background to support things. Yes, I mnow I lacked that, so leave me be. :D
This is good so far. When I get a chance I'll read some more. Keep on writing!