|Reviews for Octillery Shock|
| I am the weirdo chapter 2 . 9/4/2010
birch is may's uncel not dad.
| J.Cahill chapter 2 . 11/28/2008
This story needs Chapter 3.
Yea. I got a feeling its the beggining of a great story. :)
So pls update !
| Razgriz89 chapter 2 . 11/23/2008
This must be a hybrid of the series and the game. I can't really say that the fact that May's dad is Professor Birch is an error since you're given two choices in the game depending on the gender. But as normal circumstances follow, most fanfics consider the series version where Norman is May's father. But if you choose a girl to start off your journey, the game itself can be as accurate as the series since Brendan is really Professor Birch's son in the series. Ironic, isn't it?
I hope you're still updating this while you're reading this review...and do remember not to stray off from the original idea of Remoraid evolution.
| Dark RoseXx chapter 2 . 10/26/2008
your story was great i hope you write more maybe u could make the chappters a little longer but it is good so far. By da way, advanceshippers rule, pokeshippers contestshippers and pearlshippers drool!
| TransientTruth chapter 2 . 5/7/2008
Of course he did!Can you write that she did?After all they are made for each other...
I'm gonna add you to my favourites!
A word or two 2 u...
Keep writing and get inspired!
Yay 4 u!
| WyldWolf chapter 1 . 3/21/2006
its was a great story hope u update soon and i loved it
| Taryn chapter 2 . 3/11/2006
I love the stroy. It is really good. Can you write more please.
| DrBobUK chapter 2 . 8/13/2005
Ur storys are too short, and get a life who wants quick endings?
| Lil Diva chapter 2 . 7/8/2005
I love AshxMay stuff cuz I'm a fan of AdvanceShipping, so thank you for writing this! I also added it to my favorite stories list. BTW, are there going to be any more chapters?
| The Kunai chapter 1 . 6/1/2005
Sakuraphoenix has logged on...
Well, I'm gonna review your fanfic. Be prepared and don't take the criticism too harshly...
Perks: Well, what I like about this fic is that it at least makes sense. And the slight romance was cute. Very fluffy.
Quirks: Well first of all, the chapters are really really really really really really...short. Its spaced for easy reading and all, but when condensed it forms a short paragraph or two. I have almost no idea where May is in the first chapter other than sitting on the ground in Littleroot Town, in some kind of room. So...to sum this thing off-descriptions are vague for setting, and its all short. And also...how does Remoraid just sit next to May in her room? Fish flop around, even though Remoraid doesn't do it so enthusiastically as Magikarp. Is it sitting in its Pokeball after it ate its food? Or is it laying on its side, wiggling slightly and staring at her blankly? Don't get me wrong, I'm no expert at writing but...these are things that just kind of bugged me. Other than that, not bad.
One more thing, actually...is something exciting going to happen in this fiction, or is it just pure romance with a little Pokemon jealousy mixed in? And what level's her Remoraid? ; Just out of curiosity...
Not bad for a fanfic...I'll try to find it next time I search around for a fanfic to read...
| AprilDays chapter 1 . 5/28/2005
I love your story ans because I like it so much I added it to favorite stores list
| katzie chapter 1 . 5/27/2005
Nice opening, can you make the chapters longer? May and Ash are such a couple too! Update soon