Reviews for Faith Heals
FloggingFanfics chapter 1 . 2/4/2008
HI! I'm God! I'm here to answer a few questions you may have about Christianity! Ok, so let's get this over with, I don't have all the time in the world! Well... actually I do! I'm God, I can stop time if I want to! Ok, first question. Why did I give men nipples? Hmm, I get that one a lot. Well. Let's see. Me and a couple of friends, I think it was Thor, Zeus, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and a couple of the teletubbies, were having an orgy and when I squirted one of the teletubbies heads exploded! And that's why men have nipples. Yeah, because that makes perfect sense. Put that one in the Bible, it will go well with the rest of the complete bullcrap in there!

Next question. If homosexuals all go to hell, and I'm all-knowing, why do I create homosexuals? In fact, if I'm really all-knowing why do I create people who will sin at all just so that they can go to hell? Why would I create something with feelings and emotions just so that it can be tortured for all eternity? How can I do something like this and still be all-good like the Bible says? I'll tell you how. By defying all logic! See? God defies all logic! So I can sit up in my little out-of-time-and-space bubble, jerking off to thousands of people being tortured for the rest of existence and still be all-knowing and all-good.

Or maybe I don't defy all logic. Maybe I just have a huge fricken' sadistic ego because I'm a fictional character created thousands of years ago and thereby given real humanlike faults and qualities! But... that doesn't mean I don't exist, right? Crap.

*disapears*
debra3 chapter 1 . 6/17/2005
Very nice. I hope you keep writing.