|Reviews for Hikari:Anna's Twin|
| Sorceress Damia chapter 3 . 1/1/2006
Hm...Anna and a twin? First off, I think the idea of Anna's twin and Yoh's twin together to be farfetched because Anna and Yoh themselves are together...it just doesn't seem right. Two pairs of twins? I think the idea that Anna has a sister, not necessarily a twin, is a good idea, though, I'm willing to give you that.
However, it absolutely pained me to read this. Your spelling is atrocious. The grammar was completely wrong and it was altogether too short. There just weren't enough details.
Hikari is a Mary-Sue. This is a fairly common problem in fanfiction; even I've created a couple of Mary-Sues before. The point is, she's just too perfect. If you re-examine her character and form a mental picture of her in your head, I'm sure you'll be able to give her a few flaws.
Also, the fact that if you don't get enough reviews you won't update is rather childish. A true author would update whenever they can not for the reviews but for the simple fact that they enjoy writing. This isn't a popularity contest.
A little revision and a spell checker will go a long way. I think you have a good idea here; the excecution is just a little sloppy. With a little fixing up, this could be a good story.
| Mistress of the unity star chapter 3 . 12/1/2005
nonon no... not a update/ please do it realy quik... please:S:D
| Mistress of the unity star chapter 2 . 12/1/2005
realy awsome ahah
| Mistress of the unity star chapter 1 . 12/1/2005
whoa that was awsome and cool ahah
| Phoe.nyxus chapter 3 . 11/25/2005
aw! ): just when I was starting to get much more interested I actually find out ur not updating ): ur evil ... LOL just kidding, but please update soon, huh ? (:
| Phoe.nyxus chapter 2 . 11/25/2005
cool (: I liked it, it's really good and I'd really like to read more, please update soon, ne ? (:
| Phoe.nyxus chapter 1 . 11/25/2005
Hey, this was nice , it really was, though incridibly short too ): I'm gonna read the next chapter (:
| Nagumo chapter 1 . 11/6/2005
Your fanfic was... astoundingly short and extremely bad. The lack of details of your characters/plot/everything and poor spelling and grammar is quite frankly atrocious.
What really annoyed me was the summary, I am sure you would agree that IF I REVIEWED YOUR FANFIC THIS WAY, ZOMG, YOU WOULD GET LIKE ANNOYED!
Further more your proclaimation that you will not update unless you recieve reviews in poor taste, esp. if this one of your first fics you've ever written. It makes you look like as if you are doing this for the sake of recieving praise.
That in itself is not something that should be condemned but to make so painfully obvious you are writing this fic for that purpose is quite frankly painful.
I would suggest that you redo this fanfic and think upon a beginning, a plot and an end that makes sense. Perhaps read some articles on how some other people write.
I have to inform you that fan created characters do quite poorly because of the high possibility of the author to creating a Mary-Sue (or Gary-Stu if it's a male character) by accident.
I'm afraid that I cannot find your fanfic enjoyable, I merely read it because it screamed 'bad fic' with neon signs around it.
| Dark Lady1 chapter 1 . 11/4/2005
I'm sorry, I didn't even bother to read the story because the summary was annoying and- the first chapter couldn't have been more then half a page long. *takes a glance at the second chapter* Yeah. You REALLY need to work on your writing. The sentences are awkward and annoying to read. I don't know you personally and you might be new to the fanfic thing so that's okay. But please, keep practising.
| Ph33r the island ona chapter 2 . 11/4/2005
Please, please learn to spell. And learn the concept of a Mary-Sue, that ever-so-annoying OC that turns out to be perfect. *twitch, twitch*
| kisodamayo chapter 2 . 11/4/2005
yo! this chappis is nice i like the plot! way 2 go and update soon!
| yo wuz up chapter 3 . 11/3/2005
The prequel sounds good, also I ahve a idea for you try a story where Yoh is going to high school and hao suddenly gets sent over there by the parents and is forced to live alone and then meets yoh somehow i was going to use this but you coul probelly make it better than i could
| yo wuz up chapter 2 . 11/3/2005
Nice story its totally Awesome! Thats a nice cliff hanger i can't wait to find out what happens next *falls to floor and starts twitching* YA that man with the bare chest hmm could it be Hao? :D Update SOON!
| Devilis Kyuu chapter 2 . 10/2/2005
Nice story Hope you can update.
| LittleFoxAvanalae chapter 2 . 7/29/2005
oh fasinating! Though, it was so short! *cries* oh well. update soon!