|Reviews for Brush with Disaster|
| Spellbound Slave chapter 2 . 9/4/2005
oh plz plz plz plz keep writing
| MidnightBlue88 chapter 2 . 7/13/2005
I think you did a good job with this chapter. It had a nice flow to it. I liked the tension between what Chris knows happened and what the others think happened. Nice angle. There are still some grammar and spelling mistakes (a spell checker should catch them, so I'm not sure why it didn't), but still not too bad. I really am looking forward to finding out what happens.
| MidnightBlue88 chapter 1 . 7/12/2005
I think your story has a lot of potential. It had a few grammar mistakes, but not too many and not enough to turn me away at first glance (however, you may want to proofread your story a few times before posting in the future, just to be sure).
A few suggestions: First off, it seemed really out of character for Gordie to start drinking like that. However, if you want that to be the premise (and that's fine), then you have to convince the reader that it could have happened. To do that, you should probably provide some more background info about why Gordie and Chris didn't stay friends (since they were very close in the movie), why Gordie started drinking, and why Gordie still hangs out with Vern and Teddy.
Secondly, Chris is pretty one dimensional right now. Without a friend like Gordie, how did he get through middle school and high school? How did he feel about losing his friends? Make Chris a more interesting character by filling in some of the blanks.
Also, don't just tell the story by giving facts. Let the characters say it for you by using dialogue, inner thoughts, actions, etc. It will provide deeper characterizations and make the story more interesting.
Another thing you might consider is breaking the chapter into sections. I was sort of confused when you jumped from Gordie and the boys to Chris on the street. It might make it easier for you if you designate one section to talk about Gordie and another for Chris. It would have been less confusing for me if you had developed the scene in the treehouse by adding dialogue and action, then cut to Chris on the street. It felt really fast, you know? I think if you take your time with the plot, it will be a lot easier to follow.
These are just suggestions. I think if you take your time and develop the plot, the story will progress really well. Good luck. I'll be back to read chapter two. :)
| Life Sucks Learn To Swallow chapter 1 . 6/15/2005
this is really good so far! keep it up!
| TheGoofyCat chapter 1 . 6/14/2005
That was really good, I look forward 2 the next chapter.