|Reviews for kidnapped|
| anon chapter 2 . 12/29/2005
Interesting... I wonder who the leader of the rival gang is...BTW, I think you mean torTURE instead of torcher. Keep it up
| sub-sarissa chapter 1 . 6/22/2005
lol, chapter 1 ends here? kinda short. write more soon, and post it.
damn sub's been reviewing all of your other stuff before i could.
| Ranko chapter 1 . 6/16/2005
This isn't that bad. )
I'd like ta see what ya got next.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/15/2005
I see this fanfiction having potential (since I like AUs/post-anime fics). Just some points to note:
1) Some problems with your tenses, e.g.:
'The black dress man' should be 'dressed'. Though I'm not so sure whether a hyphen should be included.
2) Dialogue. Actually, it's the way you write it. Firstly, you should begin every dialogue with a capital letter, and end with some form of punctuation. I could refer you to some sites if you send me and email...
You should also paragraph after each dialogue, because it makes the text more appealing to the eye \
'“your pretty good motoko” the stranger said to her “thanks so are you” motoko said as stood up' should be
'"You're pretty good, Motoko." the stranger said to her.
"Thanks, so are you." Motoko said as she stood up. '
I suggest running this through a spellchecker of some sort. Do you have MSWord? It's decent for on-the-spot checking.
And yeah, like the other reviewer mentioned, this is kinda dark. ) I like the scenario you used.
| Innortal chapter 1 . 6/15/2005
Very dark, I look forward to seeing how you grow this one.