|Reviews for Spiral Out|
| JasmineVictoria15 chapter 9 . 6/3
| Sibrael chapter 9 . 1/19/2012
I think I'm as frustrated with not knowing things as Sonmei is. I hope you continue this story as it is always a pleasure to see an originial plot line.
| AGENT Kuma-chan chapter 9 . 3/27/2011
I feel rather sad you've gotten out of this fandom and so will never finish this story-it's so intriguing and the characterizations are really in tune with the plot.
And I like how the deaths serve a purpose, not just there to promote the fact that things have changed and Sasuke's a bastard and that everyone is alone-but that despite that they make steps forward, in their own way, still seeing the past but also noticing the present.
Though, I must say your AN lied. It has been much longer since the last chapter came out. XD I'm glad you made it this far at least-there are so many mysterious points that starting to come together and I can start to see the points.
(Though I still don't understand Sasuke's reasonings all that well for destroying everything and if this story will end in a funeral (more likely several) or in a wedding (less likely) or in some other way).
| Tank chapter 9 . 3/10/2011
Might be a redundant question, but... Is this fic still going to be updated?
| venusmelody chapter 9 . 7/14/2010
What's this about "now the story is moving again and it shouldn't be nearly as long before the next chapter comes out." !
Sigh. It is such a pity that this story isn't being finished. There are only two chapters, an interlude, and the epilogue to go! And despite not exactly liking OCs, I LOVE how you've done everyone in this story.
So, overall. This. Story. Is. Amazing. Despite not being finished. It's mysterious, and it's tense, and it's simple but beautiful, and the descriptions (and dialogue) are so quotable I feel like making a list of nothing but the quotes and showing it to my friends. The story is fast-paced (why did you end on a cliffhanger? Why!), drawing together all the elements into one final whole. It's amazing to think that the past few chapters took place over just a few days, and in fact, the entire story. What a difference just a few days makes.
The fighting in this chapter was great as well - I'm glad Sakura finally showed just how much she can do. I wonder if Sonmei still thinks he could take her, since he is, after all, only twelve, and Sakura and her generation were exceptional. And weirdly enough, I usually don't like how devoted Sakura is, but there's something more to her in this story... The way she's determined to save him by her own abilities, probably, and that inner strength that's shown when she speaks. (and what she says with the chakra sword. Yes! What I guessed was correct.) I wonder how you'll end it.
Sonmei is done wonderfully well. As the narrator of the story, he sees a great deal that he doesn't understand, but we do, so the dramatic irony there makes me laugh a little. Like I said, he stands out to me, not just because of his character, but because of the impact that his character's had on people like Tenten.
Your Ino/Shikamaru platonic is really well developed. I like it even more than the Shikamaru/Sonmei "bonding" stuff.
How could you leave the story here, just as things are beginning to wrap up? as Tsunade walks into the dawn, and everyone is waiting? While the revelations are coming, when Sakura just met Sasuke again, Sonmei met his father, the war is raging? (Unless you are a fan of that Loveless play in final fantasy VII, and want to leave "the last act" unfinished... jj)
But yeah, that's my only complaint. This is still my favorite story in the entire Naruto fandom, because it is so amazing, and your writing is so well done. I really enjoyed reading it. (Perhaps a bit too much, since I'm supposed to be doing an assignment for English, but then I found this again, so, well...) This is my favorite of all your works, mainly because of the winding plot. Loved it. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 8 . 7/14/2010
Have I mentioned the awesomeness that is your humor, appearing where it is least expected and most appreciated? (Shikamaru had not realized she used a jutsu to keep her...assets from moving excessively until she'd stopped using it; the summoning demon sex... heh)
On par with your descriptions - Ichiru describing Temari was great. What I really loved was the description of Ichiru, how you can describe OCs and have them appear to brightly, just as much as canon characters. "She was as still as... wooden bowl."
I hadn't realized until now just how hopeless everyone else was, but that conversation between Shikamaru/Tsunade really shoved it in. No one is like Sonmei, who is still curious, still searching - it's like everyone he's come in contact with has found some of his spirit. Tenten's not just the sad, complacent smith any longer, Hinata is finally taking heed of the chakra sword, and Kakashi and Sakura are finally settling some old debts.
Yes, he really is like Naruto. I have no doubt he looks like Uchiha, but when he opens his mouth, it's to berate like Naruto does, and he hasn't once mentioned how he will have vengeance. I love how you've written him. Original without going into detailed narration, letting the reader see for themselves. Sonmei is awesome.
Oh, am I glad that the mysteries are finally becoming clear, all these plot lines coming together.
The demon Sasuke is involved with must be from the jutsu they've found. Though I am still puzzled. If the monster "came from Sand", why does it hate Leaf so much? Because Sasuke still doesn't know what happened to Naruto, so he didn't use Naruto. Unless it's Sasuke who is the other half, but I never knew he cared so much about Leaf. (Though I'm guessing, if it is Sasuke, the first thing the demon's going to do is try and kill Sakura.) And the Akatsuki. We're finally able to see their role.
What you've done with Tenten is also great, once again, showing rather than telling that she's holding onto the one person that she has left, after all she's lost. I am not sure what the plot purpose is of bringing them to Sand as well - I can't wait, though.
Once again, may I reiterate that I love your particular brand of Hinata (and Hanabi), and the way she is able to inspire such loyalty, or even unease when anyone wants to hurt her.
The the resolution of Shikamaru's story. So tragic, but so beautifully done, and one of the most emotive scenes in the story. That's my favorite scene so far in the story, with this fairytale quality to it, and spewing over with emotion despite its simplicity. The way you've tied together all the character points of Sonmei was wonderful, bringing about what the readers haven't quite realized they think. That line, comparing Sonmei to Naruto, came at exactly the right time, and also made me cry.
Yes, I have teared up twice reading this story. It is entirely your fault.
So is the Gaara retrieval arc the changing point of it all, then? It sounds like it - I wonder what Gaara would think, knowing that he, who barely had any bonds in his childhood, was actually so important to so many people? Privately and also at war? (Enough that even Sonmei knows immediately what's wrong, after, in yet another case of foot-in-mouth, he calls Gaara a freak...)
New note: Ichiru is also awesome. That devotion, that sadness in her as well... maybe it's because I'm a teenager, and thus love moments like this. She really gives dimension to the character of Kankurou, as well.
all of the Ichiru/Kakashi/Sonmei conversation.
Sonmei ripping Kankurou a new one. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 7 . 7/14/2010
Sasuke again. Honestly, just WHAT is he DOING?
He can't exist without bonds, can he? He's separated himself from everyone, but he has still founded a village, and some part of him is still alive with his reluctance to hurt Hinata, and to even THINK of hurting Sakura.
But he's done so much. I'm not sure how you'll be able to redeem him, if you ever can.
And hey, I guessed right that it was the Ichibi that the monster is made of! though i'm still not sure just what it is...
Final verdict: dark, chilling, mysterious, and yet slightly amusing when Sasuke snaps. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 6 . 7/14/2010
Wow, just how many plots do you have brewing down there? There's the Sasuke/Sonmei plot, the Sakura/Shikamaru/Sonmei plot (or counterplot) the history of Shikamaru, the backdrop of the war (which we STILL don't know that much about, really), and now we have the Naruto/Hinata mystery, of where "naruto" is and just what happened to him. Let's see, in chapter one, Sasuke said he immolated Naruto, but the body disappears.
The 'Suspense' category really suits the story.
The focus has shifted a little off Sonmei, which I'm glad of, because he frankly doesn't know enough background to answer the pressing questions, but the pacing is still great. It's like you've cut off ever single inch of what isn't needed, and given us a bare bones with all that is, plus so many implications. I love, love, love your writing style because of this.
The OCs are pretty interesting, too. Most of them get killed right off, the exception being your main character, and the fascinating Ichiru, but they serve as plot devices well - what they reveal of Ino and Shikamaru, Kakashi and the group, Kankurou.
The atmosphere is awesome. It's dark, and a little creepy when mentioning the sand (and Kankurou's puppets), with such tenseness. Amazing.
*Sigh* Hinata, still bowing low even to the Kazekage's bodyguard. Still, you seem to be implying a different sort of strength - everyone loves her, except possibly Kakashi. Kiba and Shino are wildly worried, Sakura gave her the chakra sword, and Sonmei even backed down because she wanted/needed him to. That is such an excellent interpretation, but subtle, and I love this.
And finally... Shikamaru... killed Temari? Sigh, so tragic, everyone is even more screwed up by what's happened than their backstories in Naruto, and you know what they say about the tragic characters of Naruto.
Will the mysteries NEVER end?
And just what happened to Gaara?
It was not until the dreams had started that Hinata had remembered that once, she'd believed there were things worth braving the world for. - this makes me tear up (though only if I read the paragraphs just preceeding it). Seriously. I must have read it so many times, but each time I read it, I'm just struck by how everything we know about Hinata is drawn together here. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 5 . 7/14/2010
Hinata is even more interesting now than ever.
She's the one having dreams about... it has to be Naruto. Strange. But since the command of the chakra sword includes soul, and she has Naruto's sword on her wall, I suppose he's reaching out to her. Her current status now is... intriguing. I probably should have said it back in chapter one, but she (like Sakura, now that I think of it) seems like she's in stasis, waiting for something to happen. With her long hair, and Sakura's short, maybe I'm reading too much, but it mirrors what they were like in Naruto part II. She's even regressed, in some ways - like everyone else, she seems so tragic now.
And Sonmei's reaction to her! He is so not like Itachi (as Itachi was when this story was written) despite the way you seem to have paralleled their skills.
I am loving the Shikamaru/Sonmei interaction, though if Sonmei is leaving, I guess we won't really see much any longer. They're both smart, and know the other one is smart, and have this sort of deadpan humor that just keeps building up. ("She used a stick," Sonmei said, "and the hole in the center of a shuriken."; and earlier, "You get to make sure your father doesn't permanently merge with the couch.", though that was Tsunade talking.)
Again, I love the way you've described the characters. The way we are reintroduced to a Shikamaru who is even worse, but by what others say (plus Sonmei's precious, loved inner monologue), instead of straight narration, and so wryly. The way Shikamaru describes Sakura, Ino, and Temari (I feel vindicated that my guess last chapter was right, though I suppose it might just be prior knowledge popping up and helping me) and Sonmei's, er, rather awestruck look at Hinata.
And I especially love your portrayal of Sakura - her relationship with Sasuke, and how she's still soft under her hard edges. I can definitely see her like that.
Makes me wonder what the divergence point from canon was. Does it have something to do with Temari being Kazekage? Or, from the way you described it, being a past Kazekage? I'll just have to see.
The Kiba/Ino/Shino being sidetracked conversation.
"...can we at least do it inside? I swear Akamaru doesn't have fleas." There was a pause. "Many fleas." Another pause. "As many fleas as you think he does." - I laughed so hard.
But that entire conversation, really - all that implicit detail. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 4 . 7/14/2010
I love your use of repetition here. The breaking of it on the last line makes it particularly effective.
But Sasuke... did the Snake, and revenge, do THAT much to him? That section in the prologue is so right, he is DEFINITELY tracing darkness with his footsteps. I actually feel sorry for him, despite all that he's done/doing/about to do.
He really can never leave the shadow of his family behind, can he? He's part of the Akatsuki, still stays in his shades of gray (and red) place of a 'town'.
Do I even have to say that you have me even more intrigued? Just what is he thinking, messing around with... I'm guessing it's a demon, maybe one of the ones the Akatsuki got.
And, I didn't notice the title of the chapters now, but they really do fit quite well. They're oddly poetic, I'm surprised you found things that matched so well. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 3 . 7/14/2010
Yep, what a grudge Sakura has.
Once again: the mystery deepens. And what an atmosphere to support it.
Ino, like everyone else, is as mysterious as ever. I'm intrigued by what you've done with her. She reads like she's been through torture, with all those scars - though she doesn't know Sonmei quite as well as she might, does she, even as Sakura's best friend and Shikamaru's "remaining team mate."
And Sonmei's inner monologue is still as amusing as ever. He sees a lot, but he also... doesn't... I suppose, because despite how smart he is, he is acting on imcomplete information. Man, is his information incomplete, worse than the reader of this story. And yes, he becomes even more like Naruto, or Jiraiya - seriously, invisibility jutsu to spy on the Hokage? At least he's not trying to spy on her naked. I'm guessing that his skill is being kept under wraps because no one wants another Itachi, especially when they already have a problem with the much less (appearing) skilled Sasuke still causing havok everywhere.
The last part was... eerie, just like how Sonmei must have seen it. And symbolic. My english teacher would love it. Sakura... is preparing to fight again? That's what her cutting of hair seemed to indicate to me, especially since all those years of stasis had her growing her hair out.
My favorite parts:
Kakashi looked after him, his expression unreadable, for a long moment. "Didn't you find something better than a normal life once?"
"...she's dead now." - oh, the angst in this section, despite its shortness, is so amazing to read. I swear, that line's going to be rattling around in my head for days... unless something else from this story takes its spot. I'm guessing that this refers to Temari.
Sonmei wondered if he'd turn into an asshole when he grew up like all the adults he knew. - LOL
| venusmelody chapter 2 . 7/14/2010
Heh. Sonmei and his inner monologue... I'm not sure if you meant it that way, but it's pretty amusing. He's like a mixture of Naruto and Sasuke - though if you discount his, er, anger-seeking tendencies (as opposed to Sasuke's maniacal revenge-seeking tendencies), he actually seems more like Naruto than Sasuke. Though I suppose both Naruto and Sasuke were arrogant, the way Somnei believes he can take on both his "parents" at the same time...
The monologue tells all. That's one of my favorite things so far. You haven't described Sonmei, but his inner monologue, and what other people say around him, show so much about the (genius) brat he is. His impatience, despite his obvious skill, and how he really does stuff up with foot-in-mouth syndrome, is just another quirk you've given him that I really love. And I'm sorry, but it has to be said: just what did Sonmei think, when he read Icha Icha paradise, anyway? Did he actually get to the "good" parts, because I - actually, I don't think his opinion of Kakashi as a person, as opposed to the fighting machine he eventually notices Kakashi is during the attack on Sound, would sink that much.
May I say that I am shocked that you managed to predict the events so accurately? I'm not sure how much of the manga you still read (since you seem to have lost your Naruto muse) but well, some of the predictions you made about Orochimaru and Kabuto so far are surprisingly on target.
And ah... the mystery deepends. I'm assuming that Sasuke is his father... and I'm guessing Sasuke recognized Sonmei. But wow. What happened to him? He's part of Akatsuki? Just when did he get Sakura pregnant? And I can't wait to see what he has planned... maybe this reread I'll understand it better... Kakashi's just as interesting. He's all mysterious yet again, like he was at the start of the manga. He seems to have been on a mission for Tsunade, though. Sakura obviously has a grudge against him, I guess I'll just have to see. Like just how much about Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto Sonmei has a clue about - though I'm guessing he knows nothing about Naruto at all.
My favorite parts:
"I don't know," Sonmei said slowly. "I heard something about you being a terrible teacher..."
Sonmei decided not to ask whether Kakashi was the psychopath or the failure and disgrace.
Yeah, those moments of dark humor are awesome. They give the story that extra 'oomph'
Jeeze, what a cliffhanger at the end. - icecreamlova
| venusmelody chapter 1 . 7/14/2010
You know, this was probably among the very first stories I ever read of fanfiction, and the one that convinced me that, no, fanfiction isn't a waste of time, like a friend of mine was insisting. That was back when this was still being updated. I'm just glad I found it again, even if I can't remember what happens. Or much about Sonmei. Or the world...
Your writing style is awesome - as in awe-inspiring. How to describe it... it's simplistic, as in not overly flowery, but so elegant and compulsive because of that. There's so much implied between the lines, and the humour that creeps in just accents the parts where it's action, and the parts where it is angst. In particular, I am amazed by the way you write fight scenes, how you mention the details that are most relevant but let the rest stay implied, like watching a movie.
I'm intrigued all over again by the tragic world that you've symthesized, partly because the first time I read it, there were a lot of undertones (and Naruto facts, actually) I never picked up on. All the loose ends that you've introduced: Shika and Sakura? The sannin? Where Sasuke/Kakashi/Naruto are? Hinata...? Just who is fighting with Leaf? And the characters! I particularly like the description of all the canon characters, not redescribing what we know of them from the show/manga, but parts like: "the profound sadness in her eyes: the kind of patient, tempered grief that only built up over ages. It was the one clear flaw in her genjutsu." which add to what we know of them. And that single line of Tenten spending time in Neji's room, too, showed so much of their old relationship despite the short lengthof the sentence.
I am slightly puzzled by their ages, though. Assuming Hanabi is nineteen during the section she appears, the Rookie 9 are now 24. Since Somnei is supposed to be 9 - or 10 - wouldn't that mean Sakura had him when she was fifteen?
Oh, and I can't forget to mention that very last section about Sasuke. That was beautiful. So mysterious in all its implications, but the single most amazing piece of prose I have read so far on , even without all the Naruto (character) stuff that is said there. - icecreamlova
| see you another day chapter 9 . 6/29/2009
I won't lie, Im not going to bother holding my breath.
It's amazing story, but it's last update was 06. I really do love so so so much but 06? Really?
Abandoned I ASSUME. ):
| Mineral-Soul-Bottle chapter 9 . 6/22/2009
I've never read a story where a member of team 7 has a kid that's so good!
The pairing listed is really misleading...
Is this story being continued?