|Reviews for Warrior's Secret|
| Lady HexaKnight chapter 3 . 6/26/2005
OH,SHIT! Gardell's back! I wonder what he wanted from Joe. Hmm... Maybe He'll go after Riley and Aiden again... maybe even Bun. If Riley and Gardell are Durcasens, what are Aiden, Joe, and Kirby? Jarle sounds like my Uncle, he bitches all the time.
That was a Great Chapter! I hope you still want to be my beta, Please do! I need all the help I can get. Oh yeah, I saw the little animated short with Riley and Aiden in it. That was Cool! How did you do that?
This story is just as good as Paper Haven(Don't Kill me because I mentioned it!). You have to finish this one. Oh, and please R&R my story again Please,
I look forward to seeing your Review.
| Rat Insatiable chapter 2 . 6/25/2005
Hey, I remember Joe's aunt. :D I think I know where those talks between Joe and MK are going, as well, considering... sorry I don't have anything more substantial. There didn't seem to be any of the same sentence structure errors I saw last chapter. I could nitpick on punctuation usage, like I learned to in college, but that'd be overkill.
Do carry on, I love this story. :D
| Sobriquet Nightmare chapter 1 . 6/25/2005
The chapter is WAY too long. You need to shorten. But i like the stoyr line. SO CUTTE! Do u plaee nightmare in dreamland?
| Lady HexaKnight chapter 2 . 6/25/2005
The Plot Thickens! UPDATE! UPDATE! Update soon!
| Lady HexaKnight chapter 1 . 6/25/2005
Yey! Ivyna's back! Wow, the beginning of this story is GREAT! Loved how you worked everything in! Can't wait til you update!
Ivyna, remember when you said you're be happy to beta for me, well I been thinking, I would love for you to beta for me but I don't know what to do?
Oh yea, I updated chapter 5
Keep up that Great work
| Rat Insatiable chapter 1 . 6/23/2005
Hmm... okay, so I guess you could say Kirby is roughly three years old in this fanfic? Or, at least, three years since he first arrived in Dream Land. One of the things I agonize over now in anime-canon Kirby fics is Kirby's speech ability if it's x-number of years past the last episode. Right now I'm working on it with a "9-year-old" Kirby. I haven't really had him use the poyos, and he uses complete sentences, but if he has to explain anything beyond a simple length he's much like an inarticulate first-grader. XD My point here is that I think you've used pretty good judgement on Kirby's speaking ability in this fanfic.
*reads fic while preparing review*
Yeah, Sword and Blade don't suck THAT bad. XD Besides, it's way more fun to have 'em fight with some significant degree of ability when ya write 'em, rather than havin' 'em taken out by everything. I mean, they were pretty cool going after Chilidog in that one episode.
As for the more technical stuff, there's some parts of sentences here and there that look like they need some cleaning up, like "Just as they he had before". I get the idea, but they look funky and indecisive anyway. :P
"Deride" is a neat word. Yay for making me look up things.
Well, now that I've said all the somewhat substantial stuff, I can end this with the usual "omg, update" fanbabble. So... oh my Gord, I can barely contain myself waiting for another update! But, don't rush it or anything... no deadline, right?
| Rere-Katare chapter 1 . 6/23/2005
WOW... just WOW is all I can say right now. No wonder they call you legendary, Ivyna J. Spyder. This story sounds like I'm watching T.V. Your plot is really great and your fist chapter is really really long. Which I so like. Hope the next chapter is up soon because I so want to read it!
| GameTrekker chapter 1 . 6/23/2005
OMFG! The legendary Ivyna J. Spyder has returned! Much rejoicing is to be had!
Okay, review time. First of all, the writing is, of course, exquisite. Naturally, the accuracy to the anime (original version, at least) is also without flaw. You are, after all, a professional. _
And now that the well-deserved praise is out of the way, let's see if there's any nitpicky constructive criticism I could give.
I noticed that you are referring to the UFO things as Destrayar ships. This is in contradiction to what you used to call them: Destrayaa. The dubbed version of the anime pronounces it without the R as well, although they could have it wrong, of course. Which is correct?
Interesting choice for the villain... (I'll not say who I know it to be in this review so that I won't ruin it for the people who it isn't obvious to.) Anyway, I assume your story will explain why he's holding this long a grudge.
Kirby sometimes pronounces Rs and Ls, but sometimes he doesn't. I suppose he has correct pronunciation of those letters only when he's concentrating on his speech. Either that, or it's an inconsistency that needs to be fixed. "Sawd, Bwade, family?"
What a coincidence that Joe and the others just happened to arrive on Kirby's anniversary...
I think that's all I can find. I can't wait to read the rest! :D
| Shamanic Shaymin chapter 1 . 6/23/2005
Whew, what a rush! I am absolutely enjoying this so far-it's like I can feel the action whizzing past, just like that. And I'm loving the plot, oh yeah-nothing like good genfic to keep me entertained for the summer. :33