|Reviews for Forever Longing|
| Allora22701 chapter 1 . 3/2
What a sad ending. But the ending was good! You have a way with words. Allora chan
| CrystalBud chapter 1 . 10/12/2012
That was good, I don't wuite get it though, does Sasuke love her or not?
| Dark-Dahlia chapter 1 . 5/20/2009
that was sweet!
does that make em weird?
| Claire Bear xoxo chapter 1 . 5/12/2009
Great story! It's so angst-ey and dramatic!
| LordWoon chapter 1 . 9/3/2008
I won't critique the tenses, as you already confessed to me that this was your weak point. ;) But before I get to the constructive criticism, I want to say that you're a fabulous writer, so please don't take any of my criticisms as me saying, in any way, that it isn't any good, because it is really good. With that being said, I will point out some minor editing corrections I spotted along with my constructive criticisms.
In the opening sentence: "I repeat: Operation 'Alpha' is ago."
"Ago" should be "a go."
I also think this first sentence should be, "Sir, the teams are in place," whispered a young man into a wireless transmitter..." and then continue with the opening sentence. I think this sets up the tension sooner. As it stands now, the readers may have to readjust his perception when he gets to the end of the sentence when we are told that the young man is whispering.
"This is not the time and the place..."
Should be, "This is not the time OR the place..."
"...there would be more corpses laying in the hospital right now..."
Laying should be lying.
"Looking up, the rosette hair girl met two sapphire spheres."
I really like this line! "Met two sapphire spheres" is a great active voice metaphor.
"He was too fast to be attacked and the victims refused to say anything about the attacker, except two words: 'It's Him', The..."
'It's Him', The... should be 'It's him." The...
I really like the dialogue in this paragraph.
"Smiling at the great relieve that she..."
Relieve should be relief.
"Offering a weak smile from her tired face..."
I really like this line, too! )
"Sensing an attack, from the target..."
The comma should be removed.
This is some pretty sexy stuff right here. ;) I really like this line, "His kisses...swallowed her protests..." Nice... )
"...golden sharp eyes..." should be "sharp golden eyes."
FORTY THIRD PARAGRAPH:
"Occupying herself, she opened the draws..."
"draws" should be "drawers."
FORTY FOURTH PARAGRAPH:
"Sasuke's gaze was still on her..."
Use of the "to be" verb here that you may want to revise. It works as is, though.
Anyway, final thoughts: It is a good romantic story! I always like the inner-conflict theme (man vs. self), in this case emotion vs. logic (the way I see it, anyway). Good job!
| XcherryblossomX-priscillachan chapter 1 . 4/13/2008
OMG that was a really great story ;D
its so...dramatic but romantic
| besaryuchild chapter 1 . 2/17/2007
it was ok. not really much of an ending though
| nazzy and jerkez chapter 1 . 1/25/2007
Oh My, this is really sad! I wanted a sequel, but i suppose that would ruin all of it, right?
Love /nazaliasan , and you're added on favourite stories list -
| Laura-chan chapter 1 . 1/9/2007
That was great! I don't mind angst at all, and there was still a bit of romance involved.
Ah, if only Sasuke hadn't left... stupid Uchiha -.-
So, in the end I liked it ;)
| NoLifeXD chapter 1 . 11/21/2006
Nice oneshot! Surprisingly, this story was realistic unlike some other ones I read. Keep up the good work! xD
| 14-SaKuRa UcHiHa-14 chapter 1 . 4/24/2006
The ending was sad...it made me cry...can't wait to read the sequal!
| fuu-nk chapter 1 . 11/1/2005
I love all your fics!
Especially the SasuSaku ones!
BTW, thanks bout the request thingie!
I'm looking forward to it!
. c",) ƒùù
| iigaken chapter 1 . 10/7/2005
omg i love this!
| ligice76 chapter 1 . 7/16/2005
wow... that was really NICE. i felt the angst-ish as yopu call it was beautifully written
| dark-griffin chapter 1 . 7/5/2005
bravo! broavo! (claps while tears running down my face) that was one of the most beautiful fics that i have EVER come across (someone hands me a tissue) *blows sniff sniff* you captured their lost friendship wonderfully. you brought those two together while keeping the plot realistic. you should write a sequel to this and add naruto to a scene where team 7 reunite. though i can't really imagine orochimaru saying some of the stuff in this fic but as i said you captured the eomotions and thoughts of sakura and sasuke very well.