|Reviews for Act of Sin|
| FullMentalPanic chapter 1 . 4/29/2014
I kind of feel like this would have come across better in blank verse, if you weren't trying to rhyme, or if it was just written as lilting prose. Really like you touching on the 'don't know what ya got 'til it's gone' factor, and how Ed's selfishness landed them in this situation. You did an excellent job getting across how he was kind of overlooking his brother until he almost lost him and you show their mutual loyalty nicely.
| Darkmiror chapter 1 . 3/2/2014
*slow clap* That was awesome. I usually don't read the poetry on here but this was fantastic! I love how you so encapsulated Ed's guilt and drive in this and made it rhyme! Truly very impressive, well done:)
Great FMA fic!
| Gabrielus Prime chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
As this was published before 2010, I'm guessing it's based on the 2003 series and not FMA: Brotherhood, and yet, it kinda felt like it fits brotherhood a bit better... Imagine that...
| Half Human Homunculi chapter 1 . 12/21/2006
Lovely. It's rare that you see poetry this good on a fan site.
| Isis the Sphinx chapter 1 . 12/13/2006
Beautiful. Having also just become aquainted with the series, I easily understand this. A bit lengthier than I'm used to, but good. Favorites list this goes on.
| Pepp chapter 1 . 6/19/2006
Oh my gods!
It was so beautiful!
It was perfect!
It was very touching, and I think you have got to be a poet, in your everyday life, since it is just too good for a novice!
Oh my god!
You got all the feelings and it was so beautiful!
It reminds me of the song, Brothers, I listened to on
It was the english version of the Russian song for FMA...
Have you heard it?
You should go to youtbue to listen to it if you haven't!
If not a poet, then a wonderful lyrics-writer!
Oh my god!
This just blows me away!
| STUPIDHUMANZZ chapter 1 . 11/20/2005
wow, that was in a word: beautiful. The emotion, was just perfect. You are too hard on yourself, it wasn't too repettitive and it didn't detract from the poem. I am still in awe, it was just that good.
| The General of Darkness chapter 1 . 8/7/2005
I'm usually one for a constructive review, but poetry is poetry, no? This is absolutely brilliant, especially if this is a first attempt at FMA (I don't know the series that well, but I have the vague idea). You capture the sense of brotherly love and shame so well at the same time. You've got some good alliteration going on here.."self is sought","don't deserve" very nice _. This very much seems like something Edward would write. I don't think it was that repetitive, but I do think you could trim it down a bit (hard as that is...I'm such a hypocrite O:-P) I'd have to say my favorite stanza was this one:
And here I stand in shadow,
Beyond his empty eyes.
Guilt as a blade flies through my heart
And all self-interest dies
Excellent work...most definitely going on my favorites.
| Marty King of Wafflemen chapter 1 . 8/2/2005
I like this a lot, after a while it seemed like it would never end, but it was still good
| Koneko-krysta chapter 1 . 7/20/2005
WOW! For something that is a 1st with FMA, this is really intriguing and really awesome. Well, at least I like it. So if anyone else doesn't, you can just go XP
~Takai no Tenshi
| Shakia chapter 1 . 7/19/2005
OH MY GOSH! O.O Wow, that was brilliant! How'd you come up with all that, I loved it! :D Awesome job, honestly, I'm very impressed! *high fives and gives brownie*
| Briallyn chapter 1 . 7/15/2005
Wow. (That seems to be my initial response to a lot these days...maybe my brain's fried.) AWESOME POEM!
Well, uh...I'm not as good at this as my sister is, so I'm afraid my review will be such a pale shadow in camparison to the one already there. However, just because it's long doesn't mean it looks good alone. Besides, it's too wonderful of a poem to just read it without comment. :)
I really liked how the poem flowed. (Hearing my sister read it aloud, you could almost feel the current of the poem as it took shape.) Also, your word choice is magnificent in that it captures both images and the raw emotion of the speaker. You can feel to the depths of your soul his pain over having caused harm to his borther, his remorse, his guilt. Yet through it all, you see the glimmer of hope in the form of his brother still staying by him, no matter what he's done and also in his determine to right the wrong, no matter the consequesnces to himself.
Oh yeah, and can I keep a copy of this? Please? I want to add it to my poem collection. :) I look forward to reading your other works!
| Caorann fridh Bronach chapter 1 . 7/14/2005
Great, great punctuation. It very much helps the poem to be read as you intended, and every time the style of the pacing switches, it draws attention, especially to the third line in whichever quatrain it’s in. I really enjoyed reading it aloud, and my family was also impressed when I pressed them once more for more concrete replies. Very good, they thought. Eh, not much more concrete but better.
I’m sorry…I’m not going to comment on every line because it’d take forever. Sure, I have plenty of time, but I repeat myself enough as it is that I’ll spare you these things.
I like all the “s” sounds as I’m reading the beginning with the shadow part. It seems to reiterate quietness, which comes with shadows for me. And also, the sound like a snake reminds me of darkness and is then present with the shadow segment. And wow, there’s even an allusion that you wouldn’t like, but you compacted a bunch with the simple alliteration!
Excellent strong images, like of one brother holding up the other and someone breaking, a blade, cross, and especially the armor. Each one brings more meaning to the piece and solidifies it in my mind where my tongue already glides over the words. A bunch of sensory appeals, actually, not just sight. There are sounds, too, and tactile ones…
What a burden he carries, what a terrible weight Ed has. I couldn’t believe anyone would feel so full of guilt, and you do a great job at depicting that and why he feels that way. Even with my limited knowledge of the anime, I know enough to understand all that and the depth of emotion and the bond between the brothers. It kind of reminds me of silent screaming, and that will always be the strongest emotion elicited from me in a poem, so this comes nearly as close. So this is one of your best poems to me, but that’ll probably only last until I reread the others…
I relate too much to the poem, that’s another thing. Probably why I appreciate it so much.
The section that is completely at odds with the rest…very attention-getting. All of it is emphasis and it seems to explain everything. Seems to be an internal monologue where Ed is coming out in a rush with everything he caused to go wrong (he’s rather hard on himself, isn’t he?), and that hurts. I wish I could make him stop…and so really, another reason why it’s so emotional. Excellent change of rhyme pattern and rhythm as well.
Huh…didn’t realize this before. You switch back to the quatrain except for one with five lines, but the rhyme scheme is still different. Obviously, that big section was the turning point and now something has changed in the poem…Ed no longer is looking back as much as looking ahead and at the present. Amazing literary device.
Wait…maybe the “but” and the ellipses was the turning point. Could argue either way, I reckon. The ellipses do seem to be a good element to include after what I saw as an outpouring of self-loathing and guilt, like he’s slowly coming back to the present.
Sheesh, the amount of meaning compacted in your poetry always awes me.
Bittersweet ending, which are powerful. In a way, Ed would be happy to be dead, especially after all he believes he’s done, and yet, his brother would be so upset and even by dying, it wouldn’t solve everything…argh, it frustrates me and yet seems fitting. Which is good. Conflicting coalescence, ay?
Very good work here; proof that one day I’ll be holding something published by you. Make it soon, won’t you?