eww

The famous Artemis Fowl liking a girl? Change how they meet. Perhaps more of a dangerous situation where he helps her out/saves her. (like how they meet in the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith") Maybe police can be searching the boat for a lady her age travelling alone and Artemis helps her. It would make her more mysterious/ give her a lawbreaking personality like Artemis. Well... only my ideas to change the beginning.

aw arte is growing up :D

thats so cute :D

depressed holly? no

please update xx

Nice. Usually OC fics are hard to pull off, but you've done a great job. Review mine, please?

hm... not bad! I actually like it. I've got to find out exactly who she is... though I think I have a good idea...

I'm begging you on bended knee to CONTINUE THIS STORY! I want to see what happens next!

I LOVE this story! I came across your story by reading your review on another story! I cant wait for the next chapter, update soon!

Hy Jenny ,it's Kelly omg I love your story it's better then some of the story's that 20 yr old english major students have written. Keep updating it's so good. my the Way werid name how did you get it Zarroc. Where's it from. the origin of my name is fairly obvious. If you dont get where its from I am officily ashamed of you. Anyway I need to type up my story I have 1 ch writen but it's not up yet. It's about Lord Voldemorte's daughter and how she and harry fall in love. I've sort of modeled LV daughter after what I wish I looked like but anyway I had an idea for your story so you could get more reviews. UPDATE! Some people only read stories that are over like 10,0 words but you dont have to make it that long just get it to like 5,0 words and more ppl should review it . Anyways it's just a suggestion. I'm going to read your other story now ttyl Kelly

Oh I love this! Please update soon. I started reading and just got hooked!

Whoa, another Elizabeth...anyways, me likeys Update soon! 3

Weird fic to say the least. Liz seems a bit Mary Sue-ish. I'm guessing Arty's going to shag her, she gets pregnant, and Arty thus has an illegitimate child. How sweet it would be if he then fell for Holly and Holly would be totally shocked to find out that her beloved Arty has an illegitimate son/daughter. Sorry, always thinking in A/H terms...

Hehe! Very good. Continue.

O.G.

lol. Arty's got a crush!

Reviewing this by request of a friend I will say;

1. No. I didn't like it.

2. Artemis was COMPLETELY out of charecter, as was Butler.

3. The ammount of times you said 'many' in the first paragraph freaked me out...

4. If he agreed to let someone sit there he wouldn't make conversatyion and would only answer questions using as fewer words as possible.

5. The speech is unrealistic.

6. The grammer and descriptions have many mistakes

7. You hinted she was English. In England we don't call our Mother's 'mom'

8. “I’m so sorry to hear that. What about a boyfriend, you’re beautiful, you must have one.” Artemis blurted out. He got an eyebrow raised from Butler, and Liz looked very shocked."

Yup, do I even need to tell you whats wrong with that?

9. I'm going to stop now before I get too carried away. In summery, you have not keep anyone in charecter. You need to make Artemis less chatty. If he really does liek her, then he'd be hesitent and certainly wouldn't let his feelings show.

Hm...how can i say this. This is a constructive review not a flame! I am not a flamer! But there were somethings that i would like to point out. Both good and bad.

Positives:

You stayed pretty well in charcter in the begining and had potential.

Your editing was excellent from what i saw.

Now brace yourself. Here are the negatives.

-I am sorry to say but your character is a Mary Sue. The main problem is that Artemis is warming up to her way too quickly. Artemis is not going to fall for girl that easily. Not when he thinks he is more superior to everyone else. And they seem perfect together form the begining. And I don't see any flaws as of yet. That is Mary Sue waiting to happen. It can be a big turn off for readers.

2. I am already seeing where this is going. Is she possible a half elf? If that is the case then the plot is too predictable and has already been done many times.

T.T i am sorry if it seems like negatives out weigh the positives. I really don't want to discourage you! that is the last thing I want to do! My suggestion is that after a few days and your story is not becoming popular than you probably have to rethink your plot alittle. And even rewrite it. Mostly what you need to work on is fixing Elizabeth and making her human instead of perfect. So here is what i do.

1. I make a character log. I put the positives of the charadcter and the flaws. but you have to try to make them make sense. For example, think of how Artemis is really smart but does not make any friends and can be down right mean bcause he thinks his intellect makes him superior. The flaws are the hardest part. But they must be personality flaws! So far it has worked for me, but everyone has their own style.

2. If my inference that your character is half elfin is wrong then skip this tep but if it then you might want to reconsider the idea or make somethng original that was never done before with the idea. Trust me. If you suceed with making your character a not-marysue then you already have great start. Most characters that are half elfin are Mary Sues.

Again. i don't want to discourage you. Romance (and I am talking about pure romance not romance/humor) is a hard genre. At least for me it is. And i know this is your firt AF story so it is common to get reviews like this if your first story is romance. But practice makes perfect.

I also have been taking a screenwriter's course and i learned alot about making characters believable and developing good plot. If you want me to help you then just tell me in a review in either yours or mine and I will give you the tips in one of your stories. You can also yell at me if you wish. I wouldn't blame you.

~Your constructive reveiwer _