|Reviews for Betty tells Noha what she thinks of him|
| jess98 chapter 1 . 1/2/2013
one word my friend : GRAMMAR!
| lortonashlock chapter 1 . 4/25/2011
all in all i think your story is fantastic but i think it would be easier to read if you put in the "" again just my input but still fantastic work
| Isabella FanBoy Lover chapter 1 . 2/19/2011
Why doesn't Atomic Betty ask me to marry her? Because I love her so much...
| Fanfiction Fixer chapter 1 . 7/18/2007
Despite my better judgment I decided to read a tiny bit of your story after seeing the lovely summary of 'you have to read to bleave' or something along those lines. I don't know what a bleave is but I do know that I was right in expecting a story that wasn't written any better than the summary.
The idea probably isn't so bad but it's very hard to see through the large blocky paragraphs, the consistent grammar/spelling errors, the msn 'speak' and the lack of quotations.
First I'll pick at the paragraphs. No one and I mean NO ONE enjoys reading paragraphs that large. It looks like you occassionally remembered the 'enter' key on your keyboard. In truth it looks awful and the content of the paragraphs reflects the sloppiness of this story.
It is full of errors. I don't mean little errors that someone could read and just let go. I mean huge errors one right after the other. I have to ask you, although I already know the answer, did you even bother to EDIT before you posted this mess? And also do everyone a favour next time and post chapters seperately, not all together on one page. It makes things look neater. Your tenses also jump all over the place as well as your point of view. If it's third person then stick to third person. And for the sake of all good literature insert QUOTATIONS. Here's a sample of quotations used in your story and I want you to honestly answer yourself on which looks better:
Betty just got out of the shower and said I hope Noha says yes she dried off and put her new dress on the dress that Noha had bought for her to say thank you for saving my life and sorry for jumping you the other night.
That's what you have written. Now I will correct it. Notice how I insert QUOTATIONS and fix the RUN-ON SENTENCE.
Betty just got got out of the shower and dried herself off.
"I hope Noah says yes." She said to herself.
She put her new dress on the dress Noah had bought for her previously. He had bought it for her to say thank you when she saved his life as well as to apologize for jumping her the other night.
See doesn't that look better? Also, always remember to start a new sentence for quotations.
Also never use msn speak in a story. It's awful to read and makes you look like an eight year old. Use COMMAS too. You said you were going to college (collage is what you typed so I'm assuming you mena 'college') correct? I seriously hope that you are not majoring in English if this is the standard of work you publish. A college attendee should at least have knowledge of basic grammar.
I know this all sounds harsh but really if you're not thick headed you'll understand that this isn't a flame and merely someone trying to help you. Please take my advice and try and edit future stories.
| HeroFluffy chapter 1 . 7/27/2006
No no no no no no!..., a few things i find, really wrong with this story, First: is grammer. no comma's and if there are any verry little, so as a result you have too many, run on sentances. Second: the title could have been a bit better. Third: and this is the annoying on you wrote the word said way too much, your, lucky some of your readers stick, with the story and decide not to eigther press the back button, or close the net window, But i really did get a little board, please take this as constructive critizim, and not a flame. i reallydid like some parts of you story, and althou, penelopy (can't spell her name right sorry )out of character, she was okay, and i would also like to mention that with some looking over you can expand and make a better story. This story can be fixxed and you can expand, try it!...
| unknown chapter 1 . 4/25/2006
I've noticed this with your other story, you REALLY need to work on your grammer and spelling here are some corrections:
When someone else starts talking, you start a new paragraph
You should get a Beta, a beta is like an editer.
Other than that, good story.
| AtomicFanGirl chapter 1 . 7/30/2005
It is spelt Noah NOT Noha. Noha is NOT a name, Noah is.
| Barry I. Grauman chapter 1 . 7/22/2005
Well, this IS interesting! Betty and Noah & Penelope and Dylan are going to marry each other, eh? Quite unexpected...and yes, chapters four through seven remind ME of
a similar situation in "Girls In Pink"...slightly different outcome, though. Will Noah keep Betty's secret a secret? I'm glad this story had a happy ending, amongst all that teen angst and injury...Penelope winds up Betty's friend as well! I know you like to concentrate more on Betty's life and problems on Earth, 'atomicbetty', and I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn't approve. If you have more stories if this vein, go right ahead and type-I'll read and enjoy them! And good luck in college this fall! :)
| MikariStar chapter 1 . 7/21/2005
The kidnapping reminds me of Girls in Pink (another story I read). I really liked the ending, very sweet when she asked him to marry her :)