|Reviews for Unraveling Mysteries Untold|
| duj chapter 2 . 8/28/2005
Here are some examples of mistakes or awkward constructions from this chapter:
"little sleep had found its way to her" - try, "she had had little sleep"
"she knew more about what he had done better then anyone " - try, "she knew his deeds better than anyone"
"a necklace that would camouflage itself when worn with a black ring with golden engraving on the inside of it that gave silent command for a series of spells that had been placed on it, one of which was for luck to the one it was gifted to." - Not precisely sure what you mean or what the necklace does but try this, "a black ring, engraved in gold on the inside, that gave silent command to a series of protective spells including one that bestowed luck on the recipient."
"all to well" - should be "too"
"dead strait black hair" - should be "straight"
"not to do join a flying cup contest" - omit "do"
"ask m v,ng5lo95y" - "my"
| duj chapter 1 . 7/24/2005
A different perspective that makes valid points but your grammar mistakes sometimes grate.