Reviews for Fallen
Neurofeces chapter 11 . 10/9/2007
*smile* Go. Study. Be well.

Don't stress about this. The world can't be totally made up of slackers like me or nothing would get done except...oh...possibly junk art or someone else's crazzy passion-hobby.

*grins and waves* Get done when you get done. But on the bright side, if a slacker like me got into college, I don't think you'd have to worry about getting into one TOO much.

Keep the blood pressure low. I can't just send some chayyot to go heal you if you pass out from stress. *passes virtual lemonade*

Take a chill.

*evil smile* I could take GOD care of your characters for you while you're gone.

Characters: *punching out an SOS to anyone who can hear in the background* *cowering offscreen*

Kukukuku

Best of luck, m'dear.

-Neufe
Lingke chapter 10 . 9/1/2007
Hmm, I like how you had Lafayel change his name... It's a good way of showing how much he's changed. Interesting developments on Lafayel... his impure nature, his evilness lol. Of course, a foreshadow of conflict between Lafayel and Israfel is unavoidable. This is quite intriguing haha. Lafayel - the once emotional and caring angel is now the angry, and power hungry angel - undoubtedly a result of Israfel's repudiation.

I'm looking forward to your new chapter art and chapter!
Lingke chapter 9 . 9/1/2007
Hmm this chapter is a good display of your writing abilities. I find it interesting how you change writing styles so drastically lol. In the previous chapters, you were mostly dialogue, now in the beginning it was purely description and thoughts. Pretty interesting contrast. You do both aspects well. You use a lot of good vocab, and I like how you give the reader access to the character's thoughts.

Again, as always, good character development... Iblis is Gabriel's father huh? Getting more interesting by the minute :)
Lingke chapter 8 . 9/1/2007
Wow this chapter raises a lot of questions...

In the last paragraph, is it Azrael who is talking with Iblis? If so why couldnt Azrael protect Iblis from the council?

Lol the last bit of yaoi was... interesting lol. I think I wouldve preferred the angels to be all females though.

Overall, again great writing. Good description of the architecture, and as always good job building on the theme of emotion versus power.
Lingke chapter 7 . 8/29/2007
Hmm, your writing style appeals to me a lot lol. I like readings with lots of dialogue which I find more interesting than a bunch of random setting descriptions :D. But you I dont like drama all that much because its too much dialogue and its hard to discern people's emotions. With your writing, you have a good mix of both which is why I find it easy to read (others may not however haha).

Comments... I dont understand the scene with Gabriel's "let go" trauma. It seems too lengthy and too intensely focused on Gabriel if its only purpose was to describe Iblis' pissed mood and rejection.

Interesting how you the irony is playing out. Gabriel is vowing to make Israfel the God whereas Israfel thinks he's holding Gabriel back... Although this vow is good for Gabriel as it gives him a goal lol.

I'm def. going through the story too quickly lol
Lingke chapter 6 . 8/29/2007
Haha classic - helping ones enemies. Pilate and Procula? Aren't there no female angels or "rituals" like marriage?

Very nice touch on the Iblis - Azrael and Gabriel - Israfel connections. I like that a lot haha. Does this mean Azrael perhaps had "emotions" at one point too?

Adding to my Naruto connections... Uranus is basically Orochimaru and Lafayel is basically Sasuke.

Haha, I'm too interested in reading on to comment too much... sorry about that :P. NEXT CHAPTER!
Lingke chapter 5 . 8/29/2007
Again, another great chapter!

Iblis is a wise leader... haha good sarcasm... dangled by the throat - it contrasts with his brutality. I dont know why but he seems to remind me of Kakashi. Haha dont ask why.

Lafayel's character is getting more interesting. He seems to be transforming his anger towards Israfel into training and gaining power at all costs.

Haha again, I like your theme of emotions with Rayyu and seeing how much he cares about Lafayel.

Your creativeness in this story is remarkable :)
Lingke chapter 4 . 8/29/2007
Hahaha, cute poem at the beginning... I love how you spent time writing that instead of your chapter... jk :D

I really like the Israfel-Lafayel relationship development here... It's interesting that they show emotion and care for one another. Haha perhaps the angel society has a chance after all.

I like your character development on Lafayel. His inner struggle is very intriguing - while he undoubtedly has emotions for Israfel and has moral character, he attempts to suppress these in his struggle for power. Again I find it interesting how you choose to make Israfel, the more emotional character, the stronger one.

Haha, good allusion to Nirvana... Destroyed nirvana - destroyed enlightenment lol. Interesting.
Lingke chapter 3 . 8/29/2007
Haha, I'm too tired to make a comment thats very intellectual today. But, again I still can fathom how you're getting 7s in the essay portion of the SATs... Your sentence structure and vocabulary are pretty mature - I suppose timing may be the issue. However, while I liked the first paragraph, I somewhat disliked the excess pronoun ambiguity. I had to read 2-3 times before I figured out who was who - that could be just me.

Anyways, I really like your theme of morality versus survival. Also its kind of ironic that a main trait of the angels is pride - especially since pride is one of the 7 deadly sins haha.

Lets see... Why would Rayyu dislike Lafayel's nursery quote? Also, I think Azrael is awesome lol. His aura kills angels :P. Cant wait to read the next one :)
Lingke chapter 2 . 8/24/2007
Haha, I enjoyed the first paragraph's scientific value... Fortunately, I actually know what you are talking about so it was fairly valuable. Hmm well, I do like this scientific strategy you use to explain phenomenon. It's better than stories that just say oh it happens because of magic! Extensive use of deus ex machinas take the fun out of everything. It adds a high level of believeability and 'realism' to the story.

The irony presented in the story is extremely interesting. Haha, selfish and war-loving angels is intriguing. Plus it topples the traditional association that angels have a higher moral than humans.

I very much enjoyed the character development of Rayyu - interesting symbolism to the expected traditional roles of men - unemotional, strong, and powerful. In the paragraph that starts with "It’s all his fault," very nice use of italics. Many authors forget to use italics to emphasize words. It is used well here to convey the turmoil inside him. It would be interesting to see a bildungsroman on Rayyu and how Cala affected Rayyu in their earlier stages.

Finally, I liked how you ended the chapter with the symbolism of the hair and Calandra. I feel that the hair symbolizes a little more than just "mourning." Clearly it also resembles emotional maturity and more importantly DEVOTION. I recall in Avatar when Uncle and Zuko cut their hair to symbolize the end of their relationship with the Fire Nation. Hmm, it is interesting that you should choose 36 as the mother figure for Rayyu. Clearly, 36 is unlike the other angels in that she has shown emotion as well, and it should be clear to Rayyu soon I believe that emotion will be powerful seeing as 36 could bear fruit longer than any other.

Overall, very good chapter 2!
Lingke chapter 1 . 8/24/2007
I like the beginning... jumps straight into the story without too much wishy washy setting introduction like many other writers. The language is good and easy to read, and there is a good mix of names versus pronouns (yes I actually pay attention to that). I especially like the paragraph that begins with "to feel is weakness." The anaphora you begin with is very eloquent. Although, I think you should change the words "to die" into "death," just because thats my style for writing lol. Hmm overall, very good - time to move to chapter 2!
Neurofeces chapter 10 . 8/19/2007
But...b-but I would have reviewed! I was kidnapped by family for two weeks!

T_T

Nuu...

Anhyoo...um...er...You really kinda...don't know much about Michael eh? (I'm really trying to ask, mind you, not just come off as some sneering know-it-all, because I'm really not...)

Michael's among three angels actually mentioned by name in the bible. (Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer) Particualrly, you find him in the book of Daniel, and vaguely mentioned in Revelation. (as one of the angels fighting "the dragon".)

Your big problem here is...Micahel's specifically stated in Daniel as beign the angel in charge of the nation of Israel...

Ooh...

Actually that could be fixed rather easily, and as an added bonus-this about the history of the Jewish people: they only just RECENTLY got back a home afterall...it might be kind of...an inspiration to someone...

Er...or you could just go with Mexico if it's a plot point...but if not... *shrugs and tries to be helpful*

(funny point though, the two placed most oft-fallen-to with survivors insofar as erasers go in my epics are Japan and Spain. *snicker*)

I also meant to tell you a couple of chapters back that my vote is on Azrael for the other "sire" of Gabriel. *smile* (can't tell you how much I love that word choice, incidentally. It's very well thought out. *beam*) The hint is "silver eyes" m'dear...I could be wrong, but thus far, only Az has "silver eyes." (Plus it helps you're trying to justify him as a little less evil these days. *smile*)

You know your islam at least as well as I do if you're putting Iblis in Hell. (is there a "Malik" coming up sometime soon? *grin*) I know next to diddly about Islam though, so that might not be good really...*gulp*

As for wavy hair, heh, relax. I have Dubbiel and his curls showing up in GW6... I HAVE curly hair, and even I know Lafayel's Ed-Elric-style braid would leave his hair wavy if taken out. (I assume it's Ed-Elric-style. Sorry. The mental image just amuses me...)

Er...anyway...this is really great. You sit down after a hard time jumping hoops at college orientation surrounded by people who think you're an idiot because you're going to go in as an Ed major, and you go home and find out one of the best Sci-fi stories in existance ahs two more chapters? Bliss.

I MUST go off and comment my brains out on your art stuff now if I haven't already... (I have some GW art up too on mine...)
RumorUnderOath chapter 10 . 8/14/2007
nice! lots of love back to you, i dont see why you should be lacking in reviews, i think this story is one of the few keeping this fandom alive. sadly.

I liked the happy romance. but it almost hints at michael likeing Lafayel...you know, like-like...or at least he is interested, becuase Lafayel has different motives amoung other things...i think its kinda kool.
RumorUnderOath chapter 9 . 7/29/2007
wow, this was really cool, but im begining to miss israfel... will he be back soon? lol sorry. so um, how many reviews do you need for a double chapter? i no i cant review again but yea...nvm. im gonna go read the trailer now. bye! btw: you are updating the first day of my driving skool. wish me luck!
neurofeces chapter 8 . 7/13/2007
(grin) So you're having the Wiz-dom coem from Gabriel...

Hmm...I was just going ot give him guilt over Islam... (and yet Islam recognizes angels like Israfel?) After all, the middle east has always been a hotbed for wars...

Oh evil christendom...

I wish I could do that sort of stuff that Tomonori does with MY cross, though...(snicker) It'd make it a little more worth it to have the world perceive me a close-minded, stupid, and sometimes all-out evil. (shrug)

Consider me a very wacky christian. (sighs ad makes a "presenting" gesture) Ah well, I'm still enjoying it. (grin) Though technically I'm surprised they're getting after him for Christianity and not for Islam, but that's just me, I guess. (Might be a personal bias there for all I know... Gabriel's heavily innundated in two of the world's major religions after all-there's more than enough room for blunders there.)

Poor Gabriel, he's got a lot to worry about, eh? Must be rough walking on the earth and seeing Tsukasa with a Wiz-Dom priest. Goodness I like that angst-picture.

And you have BROTHER ANGELS! Oh dear Heavens that's enough to get me excited! (claps hands gleefully) And I'm delighted to see what you do, so I can avoid following TOO closely in your footsteps. (don't want to detract from YOUR story after all.)

I can't WAIT for chapter nine, whether or not my reply is numbered or whatever... (grin) Keep up the good work, and I hope you get back to the states safely!
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