|Reviews for atomic Noha first battle|
| I AM WHO I AM chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
Ever heard of the enter button? You should go make friends with it. and this is how you spell Noah.
| unknownwarrior chapter 1 . 2/20/2007
This story needs some serious help grammer wise, you DESPERATELY need a beta reader. Here are a few grammer rules.
When someone speaks you use quotation marks. For example.
"Blah," said Jane. (ramdon name I used)
Not 'Blah,' said Jane. (I seen this mistake used so many times in other stories I've read).
"y" is spelled why.
"maximizes" is spelled "Maximus's"
Whenever someone else starts talking you automatically skip to a new paragraph, for example:
"Hello how are you," said Jane.
"Oh, I'm doing pretty good. How about you?" said Jack.
Try adding in a few paragraphs occasionally whenever a new topic in the story comes along, instead of combining the whole chapter into one paragraph. This will make the story so much easier to read.
Take a look at other peoples stories to see how their story formatting is set up.
| Barry I. Grauman chapter 1 . 8/1/2005
I found it quite interesting that you have Betty, Noah and Penelope as an "Atomic Trio" at the end of the story...whether being a Galactic Guardian will make Penelope a better person is hard to tell...touching poem...lots of violence and blood..
I didn't know Betty kept a knife in her boot...unusual for her to bind Penelope to a "blood promise"...good story, 'atomicbetty'! Your spelling and sentence structure
still needs a bit more work! :)
| MikariStar chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
Good story and that's a very nice poem :) I liked it