Reviews for The Courtship of Helen Thurlow
Martianlightsaber chapter 3 . 8/12/2005
Delightful! It's all so vivid and I really love the twins and their different personalities ) Engineered indeed... looking forward to the next chap!
Lady Razorsharp chapter 3 . 8/12/2005
This was great! I especially liked the 'contest'...the beginning was a good set-up, and your setting is well-planned. I could almost hear the birds chirping _

Was this Helen and William's first kiss? Her reaction seems to say that this is so. It was very sweet, and cleverly done on William's part.

And Holmes is it possible that someone can be so socially graceful and yet run roughshod over everyone? That was very well done. His quick little gestures, oh, so Brett. _

The last paragraph with Watson is a nice touch, very nice indeed. This was a first class display of machismo and shame on Holmes for 'engineering' it...whether it's just simply the need to prove that thinking is superior to knee-jerk action in some respects or if Holmes is realizing that he's lost the chance to be numero Uno in Helen's eyes (maybe not necessarily her beau).

My one and only suggestion: Don't let Holmes be too hard on Capt. Edwards, though it's interesting to see Holmes struggling with a form of jealousy. It's fascinating (and quite satisfying) to see Holmes get his comeuppance, and to watch him deal with this turn of events...Just keep treating it with a light touch if possible.

Otherwise, Brava!
ember chapter 2 . 8/5/2005
Beware the green eyed monster Holmes...was Holmes' description of Helen's perfect match supposed to be a perfect description of himself? I'm surprised Watson didn't notice...
BaskervilleBeauty chapter 2 . 8/5/2005
Oh, bitchy, histrionic Holmes! My favourite!

Nice touch with the last line.
Lady Razorsharp chapter 2 . 8/5/2005
Eesh, Holmes can be so insensitive sometimes...though the whole discussion about soldiers being dull seemed like the reaction of wounded pride (even if Holmes would never admit it, even to himself). Interesting to note that even the great Sherlock Holmes is not immune from that! Helen, however, handled it well...and Capt. Edwards is no dumb bunny himself; he knows just what Holmes thinks of him, and just how Helen felt about Holmes. How refreshing that you've made Edwards a clever and sensitive guy! Looking forward to more.
ladypoe chapter 1 . 8/3/2005
Ack! Can't decide if I like this suiter or not. Seems noble, but as the old saying goes "the more honorable one may appear, the more one is probably hiding".

Up date SOON! I'm dying of suspence!:(
BaskervilleBeauty chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
I think I've read too much Jane Austen. All I kept thinking was, "Oh no! Willoughby!"
Ember chapter 1 . 7/31/2005
I've followed all of your stories and I am glad this one popped up because, I admit, I was a little annoyed at the frustrating ending of the last one!

As to that reviewer a few things down from me, I disagree with everything that he has said and I think your story is wonderful and that Holmes is quite in character.
ExecutiveHPFan chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
Ah, just keeps getting better and better.

I think this is the first time I've reviewed to any of your stories, but I've followed them all to completion and your poster is now my desktop wallpaper because...well, it's beautiful. And Jeremy Brett is beautiful anyway.

So yes, I love your stories, I love how they're written, I love the characters (mostly how Helen Thurlow is NOT a Mary-Sue) and...well, just continue writing. You've got a real knack for it, and I think there's a good chance you could get these stories published.

i'd rather not say chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
What else is there for me to do?” replied the long haired, young man, as he paused to gaze up at the stars above him, his loose, jet black hair and wide sleeves of the silk dress shirt he was wearing catching the slight midnight breeze that moved about them both, while the metal of the gun in his hand glinted in the light emanating from the open doorway behind Holmes.

To begin with, there should not be commas around "young man".

Your sentence has so many clauses that the reader trips over them before they're anywhere near the end.

Also, your dialogue is stiff and melodramatic.

And you have a distressing number of adverbs.

And your female protagonist is a boring, conventional 19th century female, and an in-character Holmes would loathe her.

These are just my opinions, of course, but I didn't write them to be hurtful. Your writing isn't as bad as much of what gets published on this site, but it's not good either.
Lady Razorsharp chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
And we're off! _ Capt. Edwards does sound like a sweet guy, though I, like Watson, am on guard for anything that sounds strange...

It's lovely to know that Helen has a new lease on life, and is trying very hard to put Holmes-who cannot, as she said, return her feelings-out of her mind.

The banter between Edwards and Helen is cute, just the sort of stuff that happens when people are trying to get to know each other, with moments of 'real' stuck in. And this was the moment that Holmes saw from across the street...

And one more thing: the beginning sequence was great. Sad, but great. Lovely visual touches; I could see Holmes' shock and then his futile straining to reach poor Paul. Well done.
Elsie Cubitt chapter 1 . 7/29/2005
First of all, you've set the tone nicely by opening with Holmes on a case, and the "have you ever loved, sir?" Well done. Your attention to grammar, spelling and overall language has improved, which is good to see (you do want to pay attention to hyphens, though. There are words like "close knit" which, when used adjectivally and before a noun, should be hyphenated."

Also, do please mind your French. Literally. As someone who has more than just a passing acquaintance with this language, it's a little jarring to see things like "crime passionelle." "Crime" is masculine; therefore, it would be "crime *passionel*." Furthermore, it's "affaires de coeur"; literally "affairs of the heart." Anything after the "de" is descriptive, and as "de" is singular, "coeur" must also be singular, and thus cannot be "coeurs."
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