|Reviews for Sung in Harmony: A Goth and Embers|
| That Aerin chapter 5 . 12/7/2005
hey fei. nice fic so far. this part seemed a bit out there, though i don't see the yuri you warned me about .
so i am live, there.
criticism, sound very canned.
| Darth Granger chapter 5 . 11/20/2005
Yah! You suck for taking so long! You have no reason.. Anyway, good chapter. More. Now.
| Liquid-Goddess-Reformation chapter 5 . 11/20/2005
Hey Fei! You updated!
I'm going to be evil and nit-picky for one moment.
As always, your grammer and usage is impeccable, (unlike mine usually is), the only thing I have to say is to keep an eye out for repition the same word in consecutive sentences, like I saw "room" three times within twenty-one words. It doesn't happen enough that it's disruptive, but just be mindful about it.
It's your story so do what makes you feel comfortable. I just try to stay away from it as much as possible, although I know how it's hard to find alternate words for things like "room" and "clothes". is my best friend, and could be yours as well. But serious, it is my best friend; don't laugh.
I'll get on with this to the nice happy part: I LOVE THIS CHAPTER. I always like to see things with the Yamani's and I really like Yuki. Yoshi seems cool as well, though I don't know about this voice in her head, who is this fellow? Is he good or bad, i'll have to read and find out i suppose; not that I planned on doing anything else.
I'll go out on a limb and question your use of "Water" and "Earth". From what I understand that's in chinese culture and I'm not sure whether the japanese, which the yamanis are based on, follow it as well, although they might. Also I'm pretty sure they don't even have "earth" as an element, they have "metal" and "wood". but than again, this ISN'T japan, it's the Yamanis, so when it comes right down to it, anything goes. Either way, I like the use of the elements, it's just plain fantasy-goodness.
Keep on truckin'! hopefully I'm not being too much of a nag!
| That Aerin chapter 4 . 10/17/2005
Oh dear. It's a crossover with LOTR! And we have seals and spheres of glowing blue/red light of Power and its like WHOA rasengan!
Having fun, fei? Well, you have my opinion. It is relatively entertaining, though. I shall give you that. Kudos.
And since you have now my opinion on your story, you have to grace us humble beings with your presence. Har.
| That Aerin chapter 2 . 10/17/2005
Not too shabby, you hope. Right. Since you so kindly asked me to find all your mistakes, rub them in your face, and flame you, I shall. In my own special way, of course. Gaiadem. His name, first of all, means "Earth Goddess' Jewel." I hope you didn't know that when you picked his name. His character is questionable. The whole Power thing, and the "ooh I'm on level with Kel" is questionable. He has no really redeeming characteristics at the moment. Kestrel I suppose is a good original character for now, but I can't see anything really.
| That Aerin chapter 1 . 10/17/2005
Well. The premise seems interesting, but looks like Kel accepted the newbies way too quickly. Your writing is sound and the grammar is neat, except the absence of commas is somewhat distraction.
The description of clothes is annoying.
| untamedspiral chapter 4 . 9/30/2005
ok, i waz a bit confused at the start but now i get it. Kestrel is from the windsinger things, the Morh thingy is really confusing as well, but very good i enjoy the changes in Kel.
| tortall princess chapter 4 . 9/29/2005
this story is awesome! everything was piut very poetically please update soon!
| Darth Granger chapter 4 . 9/24/2005
Yes, I am hooked. I told you I would bombard you with reviews. Are you bombarded yet? Good chappie! I'm telling my buddy about this fic. Expect a review.
| Darth Granger chapter 3 . 9/24/2005
Hi. Me again. Well, I was wondering, did you look up Go on the net, or have you been reading 'Hikaru No Go' or whatever it's called. I never really looked at the title, I just read it. Also, Saefas sounded kinda Yoda'ish. Don't know if you ment to do that. Um, what's her name, the first reviewer. She had some good ideas, don't get me wrong, but I don't see anything wrong with italics as thought separations. Or did you change it after her review? I B CON FU Zed. Ok. next chapter.
| Darth Granger chapter 2 . 9/24/2005
This is a really cool chapter. I like the fight scene, and I thought the phrase "battle dance" rocked. I feel like you captured the Kel-ness very well. Good job.
| Darth Granger chapter 1 . 9/24/2005
Yay! I really like this chapter. I like anything with kel in it. I loved the P.O.T.S. books. So it's a 'Yay! Good Job!' on this chapter. On to the next.
| Liquid-Goddess-Reformation chapter 3 . 8/19/2005
Hey Fei, hows it going?
I saw your pleades for reviews on your bio, pretty pathetic really...ha ha! Had you going there for a second, didn't I? No, I agree with Only Secret, you're under reviewed. And friggen hell knows that I beg for reviews every single chapter I add! You'd think people would say "screw it! This chick's annoying me with all this begging!" but they don't, so I guess I'm happy.
All I can say is you're story is great, I love the fight scenes, they are done really well, you don't give yourself enough credit for them. Kel kicks SO much ass, yes! Woohoo for femininity!
One thing to work on is you're being really cryptic and slightly confusing with your plot, but that might be just me, I haven't read anything by William Nelson so I'm kind of left in the dark, that might be why, but you should try to explain things as much as you can without giving anything away, whether it's from another book other than Tammy's or just unique to your story. I know it's hard, but just try and do your best.
Another thing is that the mind-speach thing just isn't working for me. I keep getting confused as to who is saying what to whom and all-that. You need to constantly be reminding us who is the one speeking. If you have to write their name in there five times a paragraph, it isn't too many. Always make sure the reader knows what's going on.
I also think you could benifit from some added paragraphs by splicing your big ones up more. It's okay to have short paragraphs, and cutting things up can help make things more humoruous or dramatic. It's a special technique, it works, seriously. Here, see this part as an example. It might be hard to understand with just this little snippet but here it goes:
"(Kestral)*Don’t say that. You’re not old, well not that old. You could do amazing things that I couldn’t do, you know,the birds and the bees’ thing.* Here, Zenhir choked on air."
And make it:
"*(kestral)Don’t say that. You’re not old, well not that old. You could do amazing things that I couldn’t do, you know,the birds and the bees’ thing.**
Here, Zenhir choked on air."
You see? By putting the part of Zenhir choking on it's own line, the reader automatically sees it as a different Idea and it's effect is enhanced. If you want to make something really POP! Start it in it's own paragraph. You may have noticed I do this alot in my stuff, it adds drama.
And I like Kestral, she's just fantastic. She doesn't know about the Birds&Bees? The Flowers&Trees? Oh, man. I bet Kel ends up telling her, and she freaks out. I'm looking forward to that, so don't disapoint me, Fei. You know you don't want to dissapoint me...
And seriously, I'm not just saying this to make you feel good inside, though it's nice if you do, I like to spread the love as much as I can, it's a good story, I bet a lot of people would like it if they would just give it a shot, so here's what I have to say:
You gotta trick them bitches. Change you're summery. You make it sound like it's going to suck. This is the internet, not a book, all people see is a Title and a 270 max character little spaz underneath! Not even a frikken picture! So you got to make it count. I was drawn to the god part mentioned, but you might want to say somehting about Kel and the Power being in it, that would be good.
Sorry if the longness annoys you, the way I see you really wanted reviews so you can't complain. Yeah that request coming back to bite you in the butt isn't it? Tee hee!
I hope it brought you some tips, (or at least a laugh), enjoy!
LGR (Now I bet you really regret calling me a Master of the English language! _)
| Only Secret chapter 1 . 8/14/2005
It's got a great start! I'm thoroughly enjoying your first chapter here. You have me constantly wondering whether you're actually the real author or not, because you play the characters so well that it seems like you've created them. Your story is definitely under-reviewed. There's no doubt about that.
It's going to take me quite some time to get to chapter 3...because...firstly, I'm a slow reader *nods*; secondly, I do need to get myself to reacquaint with Tamora Pierce's characters (I do love her Tortall series).
And about the review you've gave me...I don't see why you should run a thousand lap...one chapter from you is like four chapters in mine. And looking at the date of your last update, it is before mine.
| SILENT TROWA chapter 1 . 8/12/2005
Good story, even better delivery. I like the chemistry between the main characters and the way you flesh them out. -and i dont even know who the hell tamora pierce is. i just R&R's because 120 words deserves more than just a handfull of reviews...