|Reviews for Himitsu|
| t42n24t2 chapter 1 . 11/12/2008
Okay, you started in the middle, but a lot of good stories do. I think this is a fine storyline and hope you do continue it, because not knowing an ending will drive me nuts.
This is your story - your dream. If you need to start again, please do so. Just don't give up on it. Your readers wish to share this journey with you.
| slavedriver2008 chapter 3 . 9/7/2008
hey i like the flow of the story so far. i think you can use flashbacks to establish the story. gaed, i'm so excited about this story. please update soon! -_-
| blank00003 chapter 3 . 12/3/2006
KEEP WRITING IT! oh dear god the frustration! it's really good, why did you stop?
your friend B.S.L
| angel-leigh chapter 2 . 11/15/2005
hi there! i'm so glad to you told me about your fic. i like it so far. and wah, you dont realize the smile, the excitement, the longing you had put on my face when the part in chap1 where nakago was remembering/thinking about yui. maybe it's just me but the phrases(about that she can only trust nakago, how she loves to say his name, how she asked if he really loved her) you chose seemed to sum their history and i LOVE it!
anyways, enough with my rambling. let's go to a real review. hmm, i have absolutely no problem with the way you write and i think it's wonderful. and again, i really like the story. unique. intriguing.
anyways, hope you could continue soon. i'm adding to my story alerts coz i'm really wishing to read yui/nak scenes soon! gambatte yo!
| mina chapter 2 . 11/5/2005
i like ur story, update soon and email me back when u do.
| yanagi-chyan chapter 2 . 10/31/2005
wow.. now it has become VERY unpredictable. congrats! i'm really jealous, this is soo good! update! it's a yui/nakago fic, rite? still... how bout bringing out suboshi? i wanna see how he acts if yui/nakago are together... hahahaha! g'luck!
p.s. thanks for mentioning my name, i feel so loved! haha... when's our fic swapping ideas session going to start, huh? ;)
| identity crisisBASTUSAN NA chapter 2 . 10/23/2005
you should accept anonymous reviews! anyway, what i mean to say is i like the story! and what was that? yui had a son? from who? Nakago, isn't it? good portrait of characters... i simply like it... and it's been a couple of months since you updated..tsk tsk... pls keep on updating...FASTER! i can't wait for the next chappie.
| BlueMeteorGirl chapter 2 . 10/23/2005
oO...Amiboshi and Suboshi are together...and both are spirits? Yui got married? -confused- Oh...well ill get it soon if you continue!
| MitsukiShiroi chapter 1 . 8/27/2005
Hello hello _
It's so nice to see another Nakago x Yui shipper, so welcome to the club hahah _
Well, as much as I hate doing this (because I think that it may lower the author's confidence ;;) I have some constructive critism for you _
Firstly; I would change the summary. It drives readers mad when people say in their summaries that they "suck in making summaries." You have to make the summary somewhat catchy, because when people read the summary, it should tell something about the story, not about the authors incapability of writing them. It pains me to tell you this, but when people read this, they usually go and think like this; "Oh, that author can't even make a summary, IE, the story will suck too." I would suggest (read; suggest, not order ) to change it into something like; "(Nakago/Yui) Tenkou has been defeated and years later, a certain blond general discovers his feelings for his Priestess." I would also refrain from putting the summary in the story, just put up the title, your name and an AN.
Secondly; Although the story was pretty well written, I would suggest putting up more detail. For once, when Nakago is talking, or any other of the soldiers, try to tell how the sentence is spoken. IE: "Hah, that would put us in worse situation than we're already in," the soldier laughed.
And at long last the last comment. Nakago would never allow anyone to address him in "Gi-sama." He wants to be called by his seishi name and only his seishi name. If you would change it into Gi-sama and keep it that way, it would make him OOC, unless that's your intention. A little thing about the "sama" part, in Fushigi Yuugi, "sama" is being used for people as Suzaku, Gods. Nakago is usually called "Shogun", which means General or "Nakago-san" by the soldiers. Of course, Soi and Tomo are somewhat different in that view and call him -sama _ It depends, I guess.
I'm really sorry if I've given you the idea that I hate your fanfic, because I don't. I read that it was your first try at a fanfic, and it's better than my first tries _! I really like the premise of this story and hope that it'll continue!
-xx- Mitsuki Shiroi
| yanagi-chyan chapter 1 . 8/20/2005
hi there! hehehe... since i already know quite a bit, i didn't get confused by reading it. but i think it's quite confusing in the beginning so maybe you should add that it's yui/nakago centered at the summary. hee hee.. *winks*
all in all, nice story! personally, i think the fic's good enough and i have no better suggestions! well, it's a little serious though, so how bout some humor in the upcoming chapters! update!
| Arianna Cross chapter 1 . 8/8/2005
Oh wow. This is intriguing! At the moment, a lot of question just topples my review at the moment and I'll refrain from doing that here but oh...Nakago is feeling guilt!
Lol, ok, not really but that's enough to get me started with questions.
But anyways, very fascinating introduction. Memories and Nakago feeling guilty is enough to get people like me excited.
I'm looking forward to this and will be watching and adding this to my favourites!